dancingintherain

I like old fashioned! It gives you space and time to build a friendship. Tell him you need to take things slow. If he steps up and respect your wishes then he may just be someone you can trust. If he wishes to rush things then maybe he's not the one for you. You know you are the most important person in your world. You really need to look after you first and I agree that if you have so many worries then the time isn't right to be disclosing your situation. There's H dating websites. Have you checked any of them? When I first found out about my H I checked them out. I didn't join any straight away but just knowing they were there was a comfort for when I was ready to get back out there and dating. Is the option of moving somewhere bigger something that you can consider? It could be an adventure of your lifetime. A new job, new friends and new places to explore. It's hard though when your heart becomes involved but if you can take a step back and give yourself time it may be that things will have a way of working themselves out. xxo

Oh it really does!! It was like coming up for air and suddenly all of the problems melted away. Thank you @Lost1234! I wish you the best too :)

Pro: I stopped taking my body and health for granted. Now I eat healthy food and I exercise which has led to a nice slimmer me. I also have more energy. Pro: I've taken charge of myself. I feel like I'm more in control and I make better decisions for myself. Pro: Filling my head with knowledge about HSV and understanding that stigma is only fear caused by lack of knowledge. Con: The herpes talk. I've had it and it was hard but it didn't kill me.

Hello Lost :) Congratulations. I'm proud of you for being so brave. He really does sound like a keeper. All the best for your future together x

I had the talk and it went well : ) I was very nervous but I just started talking and the words came out of my mouth and I felt surreal and apart from the situation. Just getting started was the hardest part. He's ok with my herpes. I'm feeling so happy and relieved! I think relieved that it's now in the open and I can enjoy reconnecting without a dreaded fear. I'm glad I chose sooner rather than later to disclose.

Hello Lost. I'm sorry to hear that you are going through such anxiety :( I know 10 people who have hsv in either the cold sore form or the down there form. 11 including myself. All of these people are wonderful and loving and amazing. So are you xxo You know more about your body now than you ever did. Having this knowledge means you can move forward and care for your body more than you ever did too. My diagnosis was a big wake up call for me. I now follow a healthy diet and exercise daily because I realised that I was kinda taking my body and health for granted. I now receive compliments on my 'new' body. It's no carnival but there is pros for having this virus!! I think the only way to deal is to find the positives (looking after #1 you) and work on them. The honest truth is there's going to be good days and bad days but know that eventually the good days will outweigh the bad ones. I hope things turn out the way you need them too. Kindly ditr

Thank you @nic4897 for your kind thoughts too :) I'm happy to listen anytime! Big hugs right back xoo

I've had a think about this and my greatest fear is passing herpes onto him. Even though the chance is small it's still possible and very serious. If he wants to move forward with our relationship it's going to be awhile before things get intimate because we need to rebuild friendship, trust etc. But when/if it does come time I will be really scared about the 1-4% chance of passing herpes on. How do I shoulder that responsibility? I guess we would both be taking on the responsibility but still in the end it lies with me. Another fear is that I don't want to let him down. He's so happy and beyond excited with finding me after all this time. He's telling people, that are close to him, about me. What if he can't handle my news? I don't like to let people down. Thanks for helping me work out my fears Adrial. I hadn't thought about this on a level deeper than just plain being scared to reveal this part of me.

This is inspiring. Thank you :) My doctor said almost exactly the same thing to me at my diagnosis appointment. I was beside myself and hearing what she said put things directly into perspective for me. I walked out devastated but with hope that things really weren't so bad. And they weren't.

Hi. I'm about to have the herpes talk with a non-herpes potential partner. I was thinking about the statistics for passing herpes onto another person. According to the disclosure sheet available on this site, the female to male transmission is 1% when using condoms and meds. (those are really great statistics!!) I'm wondering what other statistic I might be able compare that to - to make my herpes situation a little more understandable. Could I say that a person has more chance of being hit by a bus or dying in a plane crash than they do with contracting this skin condition? Or perhaps there is another statistic I could refer to. What are your thoughts?

Hi nic If it was me in your situation I wouldn't move forward sexually with this man again until he is sure about his feelings. It sounds like he needs more time to work through them without the complications of being intimate. You have feelings too and don't need to put yourself through this anxiety. You are a wonderful person who just needs to manage a skin condition. You don't need to feel bad and you shouldn't. You've done everything you can to make your situation clear to him. It sounds like he cares for you as much as you do for him. Stand back and give him time if you feel you can. There's some great resources on HO for non h partners to read and watch. Let him get his head around it. If he can't then you haven't committed yourself to something that will cause you pain and grief. It may be that you guys are going to be friends. In which case you are free to find someone who will make you happy. But I know it's hard when your heart is involved. I really hope things work out for you.

Hi! Thank you Adrial Yes I've downloaded and read the e book many times : ) and I've made quite a few notes on what to say from it. Thank you for this great resource Adrial. I'd really like some moral support and advice from anyone who has been through the talk. Even though I know I will have the h talk I'm feeling quite scared about what I need to do and say.

When I discovered that I had h I made a deal with myself not to date outside of the h community. I made this deal because I didn't ever want to go through with the stress of the talk. While having h is not ideal I'm ok with it and accept this part of my life and know that I need to move forward with a positive attitude. Since my diagnosis I've dated but not found 'the one'. Fast forward to my current situation. My very first bf has been in contact with me. We dated for 3 years and because of different things our relationship broke down and we split up. He says that he has loved me for 25 years and a day has not passed by without him thinking about me * cue the rainbow and unicorn birds tweeting music. He would like to start rebuilding a relationship with me. I'm over the moon and feel the same way. But then I realise my h situation. * scratchy record sound. I'm confident to tell him but terrified. I hope that his love for me will be strong enough to conquer all. We plan to catch up again in the next week or so and I will tell him at this time. I have been making notes about how to present h as positively as it is possible. I'd appreciate some extra advice on how to tell him my situation. I'm praying to the universe that he will accept me h and all. Kindly Ditr.