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Everything posted by funlovngrl8675

  1. Chase, Even if they had had the talk with with you, chances are you still be in the same situation. And trust me, it's ok. You'll be ok. I say this because the majority of our population, most likely your parents included, are completely uneducated when it comes to H. It'll change your life, but I promise it will be for the better.
  2. There are so many things running through my mind right now in response to this post. Before I begin, yes, not disclosing is a shitty thing to do. We all know that. I think that people who don't disclose do have consequences. They lack integrity. They aren't their authentic selves. If they lie about H, chances are excellent that they lie about other things in their lives as well. Life is their consequence. Their lives full of dishonest relationships and sadness because they aren't comfortable enough to live their lives as themselves. Secondly, if we criminalize H transmission, how could that possibly help reduce stigma? If we continue to make a big deal about H, it will remain a big deal. One you strip away stigma, HSV is mostly inconsequential. Sure, it's annoying at times, but the only time it really matters is when it becomes time to disclose. No stigma=no fear. Another thing running through my mind, is this - with no precautions being taken transmission rates sit at 4%. Can you imagine how hard it would be to purposely infect someone with HSV? And there's no way to prove beyond a doubt where you got it from. Sure, in that one case it could have been the doctor/dentist guy that have her H, but how does she know without a doubt that she didn't get it from Joe Schmoe the night before? Unless she has a herpes screen after every person she's with, there's no way to know for certain and I'm not sure that even constant blood testing would catch it. The courts have no place in this matter. None. I truly think I understand what Adrial means about this being an opportunity. Yea, it might sound a little hokey, and I would never say I love having herpes, but the life lessons that have come along with the virus are invaluable.
  3. Carlos, Just about everything you post speaks to me. Thank you for being you and please keep posting these amazing thoughts and finds! Jacqueline
  4. Very much in agreeance with EssieL. But for the sake of discussion, do you think that a neutral public location would make it seem like even less of a big deal? I wonder if being able to discuss H openly in a public area would make it seem even less scary to someone. Just a thought. A wonder. Or is that trying to manipulate an outcome? Sheesh.
  5. I absolutely love the new show The Mindy Project and guess what happened tonight. Yup, you guessed it, a herpes joke. She's talking to a group of teenage girls and up comes the whole, you know what lasts forever question. Herpes lasts forever. She talks about it being gross and disgusting, then goes on to tell them to google image it. Then she says that it's one of the better ones. So what would the general population take away from that exchange? My bet is they'll remember the gross and disgusting comments and not the "it's one of the better ones" comment. That was a real opportunity for a, what I think is a pretty hip, show to have a positive message and I'm really kind of bummed they didn't take the chance to educate. Is "it's one if the better ones" a positive spot in the midst of all that negativity? Or is it just another thing that contributes to stigma? I'm not sure which way to take that...
  6. I finally have closure so I thought I'd give you guys an update. I saw him once more after my last post. We had lunch and as usual, it was great. After burying himself in voluntary overtime at work, he finally ended things at the end of September. He said it wasn't fair to either of us that we couldn't see each other more often and that he needed to figure some stuff out. It was a really bad day. Truth be told, it's been a rough ride ever since it happened. I've had a lot of time to process, think, digest, etc and in my heart of hearts I know that he is different than the rest. Better than any guy I've ever dated. We've been in sporadic contact since then, sadly always solicited by me. I needed to know why it wasn't going to work out with us. This guy was my first actual relationship since I was diagnosed. It was important to me why we wouldn't work. I wrote to him. Snail mail style. I felt that would read more serious than an email. I told him everything I felt and that I needed to know if there was ever a chance that we would be together. That was 2 agonizing weeks ago. I finally got my closure in the mail today. He is the man I know him to be. He's amazing. I'm sad we won't be together but I understand why now and it really has nothing to do with the H. I learned a lot from him and from our relationship. I learned that I've been selling myself short. He's the first man to treat me like he did and now I'll never settle for less and will aim for even better. I learned to not place that much emphasis on another's acceptance of my skin disorder. The minute he accepted me, I fell and I fell hard. I thought that was our biggest challenge and it would be easy after that. It's just one of many things. A lover's acceptance is paramount yes, but love is not borne only of acceptance. I've learned that I need to be clear about relationship expectations before sleeping with someone and that just because I'm seeing someone that wants a relationship doesn't mean we'll end up in one. Even if he accepts my herpes and even if we sleep together. I'm very much so on the mend now. Going to take some time for myself. Up my time in the gym. When I'm ready to date again, it's on. I have a new standard to meet. I know I'm worth it.
  7. Give me my old AOL moniker - funlovngrl8675. Also, can you turn my pic right side up? Pretty please?
  8. Unfortunately I'm unable to change my username. Adrial? Any idea if it is possible? Things with the man are rolling along. When he was MIA, he was thinking. Everyone has the right to mull over things, esp of this nature. We are supposed to see each other this weekend and I hope to have excellent news to report. I'm excited to get past the disclosure/acceptance stage and enter into what I know could be a great relationship.
  9. Ok so maybe not MiA entirely... Is there ever a point where you don't expect the worst to happen? I swear, I've been shit on so many times that I'm unable to turn off that negative nancy that hangs out in my head.
  10. Looks like I won't be having to worry about it anyway. Another one bites the dust :( No explanations, no excuses - just poof into thin air like all the rest. Who knows if it had anything at all to do with the H. And honestly, who cares? All I know is I'm back to feeling completely insignificant.
  11. I was diagnosed almost 3 years ago with HSV2. After my "gift" giver called it quits I was completely devastated. Thank goodness for Professor H and my fellow tele-seminar participants. My entire life has changed, and for the better! So I met this amazing man at the end of July. I'd been doing online dating like crazy and was pretty much fed up and over it because I'd met jerk after jerk. For those of you that have spent any time in the online dating world, you'll get what I mean by this - it was sucking the life out of me, killing my soul. Dating is hard. Online dating is harder. Add herpes to the mix and ugh. Let's just say I never thought I was going to meet anyone worth my time, my effort, my feelings, and ultimately worth a disclosure. Herpes makes a girl pretty discerning when it comes to future mates. Anyway so this amazing man. We met online at the end of July on a dating site. He works a crazy schedule so we didn't meet in person until a couple weeks later. Once he got my number though, he started calling me every night on his drive home from work. We've since put in a ton of talk time. Way better than texting!!! We had our first date and it was hands down THE best first date I have ever been on. I started to get excited, like really excited. The weekend after our first date I met up with him and we went on a late night drive into the mountains and watched the meteor shower. The next weekend? Camping alone in the woods!!! Luckily, and sorry if this is TMI, Mother Nature was especially cruel the month of August and I was on my period almost the entire month. It prevented me from having a hurried awkward disclosure. Things got heated while camping so I knew the talk was imminent. The following weekend he came to my house and stayed the night. I'd never been happier to still have my period because I wasn't quite ready to talk about it. Cut to this past weekend. Mother Nature FINALLY gave me a reprieve. The man and I had continued to speak daily and I absolutely knew I had to talk to him. We had gotten in from a Labor Day fireworks display and were soaked to the bone because it ended up pouring rain. Things between us got heated very quickly, and I knew it was now or never. So I told him we needed to cool off a bit and talk. I said we need to have a chat about sexual history. I told him I was never a believer in the wait until marriage idea, but I had wanted to wait for love. Love never came and when the opportunity presented itself I jumped at it. So I've only ever been with one man. His response? That's great! Then I told him I was 29 when that happened. His response? That's great too! Then I told him I'm not sure if great is the word I'd use because he was carrying something I didn't want. So then this man interrupts me and and says "I just want to interject how unfair it is that so many people can whore around without taking precautions and get off scott free and then...." I took the conversation back with "and people like me get herpes from the only person they've ever slept with." I told him I'm on daily suppressive meds and that while there is risk involved for him, that risk is low. I just needed him to know so he could make that decision for himself because it sucks to not have the choice. I also told him that herpes changed my life, quite unexpectedly for the better. Then? This amazing man, he kissed me. Told me that's what condoms are for and if we were to sleep together that the choice of doing so was entirely up to me. Of course we TOTALLY did. :) He has voiced to me that he's nervous about getting it, but I told him that the risk is low. We'll use protection and if I feel any symptoms at all, there's plenty of other things we can do. But here is what I want to know now - what are the risk factors? He wants kids one day. If we make it to that point, what are the odds that we can do that without him getting it? Oral sex for me? I'm not going to lie, I miss it! I'm on 1 gram alacyclovir daily and haven't had an outbreak in over a year now with rare occurrences of the tingling sensation that accompanies viral shedding. How can I put his mind at ease to make the good sex, great sex?
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