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IJWFB

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IJWFB last won the day on May 6 2020

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  1. Hello! I am a 23 year old African American woman and have found myself in a place where I’ve been heavily considering disclosing to someone. I see that you posted this a few weeks ago and I was hoping that now you may have a few tips you could share on how you went about it? This will be my first time disclosing to someone who is interested in me intimately and I’m honestly very, very nervous. I hope that your talk went well 🙂
  2. This month makes a year since I’ve contracted herpes and I knew it would be difficult, but not like this. Two days this month are the most gut wrenching for me; the day I woke up in so much pain that I couldn’t sit up straight, and the day that I was correctly diagnosed with the virus that caused me that nearly unbearable pain. A year later I still have so many emotions that weren’t properly dealt with that I’ve started to have anxiety attacks. I told myself it’d be easier to deal with if I didn’t think about it.. but ironically enough herpes has been the topic of conversation multiple times this month, amongst people that mean a lot to me (who are unaware I have this virus), in nothing but negative light. Someone who knows I have the virus, and witnessed the depression I went through firsthand was also present during the these conversations. Though no negative comment was made by them, no comment in the defense of people who have the virus was made either. This has caused me to spiral. I always try and defend people who need to be defended. This person is the most important person in my life. Someone I have never let ANYONE disrespect.. but in the time to defend me.. and others who did not sign up for herpes... nothing. After witnessing the distress my diagnosis caused me for months.. they said nothing. In a moment where I felt as though I couldn’t defend myself, they had nothing for me either. Just silence. Silence that felt like a nonverbal agreement that somehow we aren’t lovable. That we don’t deserve companionship from another person because of something that a lot of us had no idea we were setting ourselves up for. If this person wasn’t my mother I don’t think I would care. How could you know the pain that the stigma around herpes has caused me and not say anything? After years of defending any and every one of her questionable decisions, when will it be my turn to be defended in moments where I’m being wrongfully shamed? This set me back. I need help and now I really don’t know who to turn to because it’s clear to me that unless it is you, it could never be you to some people. I have only a handful of people who know I have herpes and at this point I hate talking to any of them about it. All of them at some point have TOLD me I did something wrong. I am human and I make mistakes, and sleeping with the person from whom I contracted hsv from wasn’t a mistake. It was a choice I made that backfired. But because it backfired with something incurable now I’m damaged goods that don’t deserve to be genuinely loved? I was doing so good mentally before this month. I feel there’s this unspoken barrier between me and my mom now, that she may not even know is there, but I damn sure do. I know that this isn’t a situation that has a set answer.. or maybe even a good answer. I just feel safe here and I needed to get this off my chest. Maybe therapy is my best bet since my support group hasn’t been the most supportive after all.
  3. @mrh1227 I’m happy that we could bring you a little bit of comfort on a day that you needed it. I completely agree with @akirn. You telling the truth afterwards was probably way more difficult than disclosing in the first place. You did the right thing! It may not have happened in the way you would have liked for it to, but the important thing is that you righted your wrong. The ball is now in their court and as you said, only time will tell. If the friendship recovers, great! If it doesn’t, that is completely okay too. We can’t tell people what they will and will not accept. But what you can do is be okay with the fact that you have a conscious and you ended up doing what you knew was right. I hope that you feel better soon! Sending hugs and positivity ❤️
  4. Hi everyone, I’ve only been on here for a few months, I contracted the virus in august of last year, so it hasn’t been a full year for me yet but that isn’t really what I’m here to discuss. I wanted to just come on here and say how thankful I am for this forum. 8 months ago, I think if left alone for a long enough period of time I had to potential to do unspeakable things to myself. I was 21, female, and not in a serious relationship. For the very FIRST time I had allowed myself to be intimate with someone I was interested in, but not exclusive with, and as a result of my decisions I contracted this virus. I will never really know if he knew that he carried it or not but it gives me peace of mind to just believe that he didn’t. The way I felt was like nothing I had before and I was lost, sick, and spiraling... and then I found you guys. Never really speaking out, just reading from behind the screen, this site taught me that I am not alone. What I was feeling was valid and I had every right to process things the way that I was. It was 100% ok for me to be angry, upset, sad.. whatever I was feeling at the time because it’s apart of the process. My process. I am loved, and even though I’m surrounded by people I feel like may never truly understand, that too was okay because I have an entire online community who does. Without even realizing it so many of you comforted me just from hearing your stories, and sometimes I even felt disgusted with myself for being so distraught when I could have come across this virus in a much more traumatic way. I know that now I’m allowed to have bad days, and just from knowing that my days have gotten a lot better. I still have my off days, and when experiencing an outbreak, my bad days tend to run together.. but then I come here, and I slowly (but surely) am ok again. If you’re reading this on a bad day, YOU ARE IMPORTANT. You are more than this virus, you are more than the stigma, you are MORE than your bad days. I am sending you virtual hugs and positivity. If reading this on a good day, CONTINUE to be great. Don’t let anything get you down, because you too will always be more than this virus. I hope this helps someone the way that this forum has helped me, and if anyone needs someone to just vent to I’m only a message away! Praying for everyone’s peace ❤️ Thank you all again
  5. trust me when I say this is something that has crossed my mind as well. I’m not sure if you’ve heard about it because I think it’s fairly new, but there is a medication that you can take daily for the prevention of contracting hiv. the commercial refers to it being like birth control, but for hiv, being for those who may need extra protection against the virus. now that may be directed towards those of the lgbtq community as they are supposed to be more at risk but it stated “for people who do not have, but are very high risk of getting” so I’m thinking it may mean those with underlying conditions! I’m no doctor, so by ALL means, ask your doctor about it first! but the medication is called PrEP. I hope this was of some help! and if you speak with your doctor, and are comfortable with sharing, I would love to hear how it went and what options there are for us!
  6. I wouldn’t say that I have necessarily “given up” yet but this is definitely something I’ve noticed myself. I contracted the virus a few months ago so it plays heavy on my mind sometimes still, and when I’m deep in thought about it is when I’m most uncomfortable. when I’ve had a busy day at work and my mind was busy w that, I’ll realize I wasn’t really uncomfortable until the thought came back around.
  7. I’ll give probiotics a try as well. thank you! @Cwgrl100
  8. I’ve noticed that sex leaves me really irritated and sore as well, even before contracting the virus but of course now it’s way worse. Is there a certain lubricant you recommend?
  9. this is actually an amazing idea and could really do a lot for a lot of people. you should definitely start it up if it doesn’t exist. count me in!
  10. Hi @Kacey! I am 21 soon to be 22 as well and though I didn’t lose my virginity to him, I contracted the virus from someone I idiotically trusted. I’m really glad to hear you’re doing better! I haven’t quite gotten past the phase of “how could I be so stupid” “if only I had ignored him”, but I am past the “why me”. nothing makes me better than anyone else who makes the occasional dumb decision, so why not me. the aftermath of that one is just something I have to deal with for the rest of my life. my relationship with him before wasn’t easy to describe so it’s damn near impossible now. he was unaware that he had the virus himself. doesn’t change the hurt and mental damage I faced when I received the news though. I can’t give you anything inspiring YET, but if you are like me and are looking for a new friend who can understand your situation a little better than most then I’d love to chat sometime! we can get past the depressive state together lol
  11. hello everyone ☺️ Im a 21yr old female who contracted the virus a month ago. I’m looking to give the same comfort & support that I’m seeking. I have an amazing support group, I am blessed.. but I want to at least have one person in my corner who can understand the random days that it gets me down mental & emotionally. would love to chat with some people who are around my age or older, but honestly willing to chat w anyone. not gender specific, I just need the understanding and insight. brand new to the site but I’m sure if you message me privately I’ll figure out how to get to it lol. wishing love, mental positivity, & inner happiness to all ❤️
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