S4help

I just found out yesterday that I have genital herpes. A bit of context. About two weeks ago my boyfriend of six months gave me oral (not the first time). A day after the fact, he came home from work and said he had a bump on his lip and didn't want to kiss me. (He later shared he's dealt with cold sores in the past.) A couple days go by, and I started having symptoms I've never experienced before. Doctor confirmed and said that he likely was shedding the virus before his cold sore appeared on his lip. How did this happen? I'm devastated, angry, and confused. I told him the news and asked for space so I can process this and heal. He was supportive and loving, but is feeling hurt that I'm pushing him away. I honestly feel like I can't let him be a part of this. It's too shameful and embarrassing to let anyone be a part of this; to witness what I'm going through. Even though this wasn't directly his fault, I'm so angry at him and at life in general. My life is forever changed now, and I feel this need for him to acknowledge that he gave me this, that this wasn't my fault. Maybe that would help with the shame that I'm feeling? I also feel like he should share in the financial responsibility of this. I will be on daily medication for the rest of my life and it's expensive. Is it fair of me to ask him to pay? I feel diseased, disgusting, resentful, and unworthy of love, and can't imagine letting him or anyone else near me. Also, the thought of potentially giving this to him terrifies me. I have no idea what the next weeks and months will look like for my body. I'm unsure how to navigate this, but I feel that I could deal with this diagnosis better (and maybe even find a way to be happy again?) if it was just me and I didn't have to include him. Is herpes a death sentence to a new relationship?