I have sentenced myself to herpes-only dating sites (which I've found to be the woooooorst), because I am so sick of having "the talk". The last time I had "the talk", he revealed that he had oral herpes. I was none too thrilled to hear that after we'd already made out quite a bit. I'm okay with oral herpes, even though I don't have it. I just want people to be honest with me, because I'm honest about my situation (which is genital herpes). So, after I tell him that I have genital herpes he proceeds to... ask for a blowjob. I haven't felt quite that humiliated in a very long time. He watched me struggle through the conversation, and then he straight up disrespected me. I was utterly mortified.
I am a divorced mother of two with a full-time job as a civil servant for a very popular U.S. city, and I'm a part-time student. I am not some young, dumb, inexperienced no self-respect having whatever. On top of that, we were sitting in my car in the parking lot of a restaurant. What kind of a woman had he thought I was, I don't know. A woman of loose morals because I have herpes? I'm good-looking, smart, fun, hard-working, kindhearted, and all of these amazing things that turn men on. But I'm not some I-don't-know-what-you-wanna-call-it who goes down on men in parked cars. Fuuuuuudge! I don't know how much more of this I can take. I feel so discouraged.
People, people who think they know me, keep saying that I'll find someone. But they don't know about my diagnosis and how effing hard it is to date in this situation. They keep saying ignorant things like, "You're soooo cute, though! You're bound to find someone!" Herpes ain't cute, lemme tell ya. Ugh! I'm so lonely and so depressed that I'm starting to become suicidal. I've increased my therapy sessions to once a week. I'm trying to find in-person support groups in my area. I don't have my kids all the time, and being physically alone so much is taking a toll on my mental health. I can't take it any longer. I frankly just want to die.