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aimee

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Everything posted by aimee

  1. Hi designergal, I can only offer you my experiences. I was diagnosed with HSV2 in Oct 2012. I have disclosed more than a few times and have had 2 short term relationships and a couple of one nighters. (all were disclosed before with the exception of 1) You will stumble and fall the first time the second time and the third time... but you will get back up. The disclosure will never be perfect. The key is being confident in who you are and the fact that you are a carrier of the virus without shame. What I did to overcome the shame is “Practice Disclosures". I went online (dating sites) and started conversations with ppl. Ppl I was interested in and ppl I was not interested in. I disclosed sometimes after a few exchanges, sometimes right away, sometimes not until I met them in person on a first date, sometimes not at all. There is no perfect timing but what I did learn is its a lot easier to disclose when you don’t have a vested interest in the outcome! I no longer take it personally what their response is? I’ve had men walk away from me, I’ve had them say “they didn’t want to take the risk” I’ve had them ask questions and want more info. I’ve had them thank me for my honestly and integrity and I’ve had them say "No big deal we can use condoms right!?” I’ve disclosed over text and in person, I rarely wait until a 2nd or 3rd date as I like to get it out in the open. My opinion is they will react the way they react regardless of how long or short of a time that you’ve known them. The only difference is knowing them longer is you hope they have a vested interest and the result will be positive? Not necessarily! One guy I got to know a bit before disclosing got very pissed off because he thought I was hiding the fact that I had H and was lying to him. Seriously! I can’t say this enough they will react how they react regardless of how long you’ve waited or have known them, its who they are. They will show you their true colors instantly!! Yes “H” acts as a fabulous filter, to filter out ppl who are not supposed to be in your life. To share a quick story I met someone on Tinder (in the summer) and we met in person for drinks I really liked him and I disclosed. He was very understanding and appreciative for me being honest with him. We had a fabulous evening then I never heard from him again (I did not sleep with him). Then chalked it up to "I have H and he’s not interested.” A couple of days ago I matched with him on Tinder again. I sent him a msg saying “ Hi Im happy we matched again” the next day he unmatched me. I knew his last name from our previous meeting and looked him up on FB only to find out that he is “in a relationship” He couldn’t face the fact that he lacked honesty and integrity and was cheating! and that could have been me he was cheating on?!? Thank you H for being the filter/wingman that you are and saving me from that heartbreak. I also have many other stories that H has proven to be an awesome filter but just wanted to share this one. So the best tip I can give you is "Practice Disclosing” on ppl in online conversations, and in person. Practice on ppl you don’t have a vested interest in the outcome just to get over the fear of telling someone and when you do it enough times, that fear and shame will go away and you can fully embrace your confidence in who you are and bring your awesomeness forward! Also as a side note I’m not fully out of the closet when it comes to telling family and only a couple of my closest friends know. But conversations with men “potential" and “not". I got this!! and you will to! aimee
  2. You may find this helpful: Herpes virus: 8 types http://chealth.canoe.ca/channel_section_details.asp?text_id=1364&channel_id=1020&relation_id=8287
  3. NeverDanced: Those were my thoughts exactly when I was diagnosed in Oct 2012 with HSV2, so I signed up with maybe 3? 4? H+ dating sites and thought why not... then I would never have to disclose...right? Now take into consideration I live in a city of 1.2M people, yes you read that correctly, between all of the sites (i signed up on) I think there were maybe 30ish ppl in my city? None of which I was attracted to...wth?? I seriously can not even find an H+ support group in this city, never mind find someone H+ to date? Fast forward 2 yrs later I've disclosed twice. The 1st time I was rejected but he was quite a bit younger and I didn't think it was going to work anyway so no biggie! The 2nd discloser was a success and resulted in a 6mth relationship, it ended because of other reasons but he was tested and is still H- I met someone a couple of mths ago and was almost ready to disclose after knowing him for about a mth... Then something amazing happened his true colors started showing and then that ended abruptly. So if you can find someone that you have "chemistry" with and is H+ I'm sure that would be the "logical" solution? I can't seem to find 1 H+ person in a city of 1.2 million people so I've been taking my chances on the "non pos" dating sites and I can say its been working out not badly as I am seeing people's true colors....some not pretty. Thank you herpes for being my "Wingman" and thank you Adrial and Dancer for all your positive support! aimee I don't post often but I come here to read alot! :)
  4. To quote a guy friend of mine "Lets Keep it Simple" lol
  5. Some guys already come trained tho :P
  6. Athena, Reading this is a confidence booster! thanx for sharing :)
  7. Awesome blog Dancer! and it really put things into perspective...as I too prolly have to lose 20lbs but I don't put alot of focus on that...and the men that I've met have accepted me and even told me I'm beautiful as I am and some have even used the word "stunning".....un-like disclosing...but yes we all do have our "stuff" that we don't want to disclose until we absolutely have to, regardless of what it is? The part of your blog that really spoke to me was when you said: "the sooner we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and open up to disclose that part to another, the sooner we will know if they are meant to be in our lives." Ah yes, there it is like a slap in the face but so very true and why not find out sooner rather than later? Its just finding that opportune time and letting those words flow from your mouth. I will keep you posted.
  8. Thanx whitedaisies :) From what I've seen so far he is amazing...I just hope the big "reveal" goes well....just not even sure when I should tell him? but I will keep you posted.
  9. Awww thank you whitedaisies for your support...I've never thought of 2 disclosers as a positive thing? but I guess if you look at it from that perspective....even tho the first one did not go well. I"m really ok when it comes to having H as I've come to terms with it some time ago as I process things fairly quickly.....its just when it comes to disclosing...everything is all fine until I think of it and then that heaviness comes over me and reminds me...oh ya and there is that. But from what I've seen so far of how he has treated me I'm hoping it will go well.
  10. So my last relationship ended in March (not because of H but other issues) he was my 2nd discloser since I was diagnosed with HSV2 in Oct. 2012. I've now met someone new, who says the nicest sweetest things to me...his words are spoken from his heart... and he is melting my heart... The connection we have is amazing and all we've shared so far is alot of really sweet kisses.. awesome conversations and lots of laughter... Everything seems so very comfortable...I've told him I want to wait until we get to know one another better before having sex as I just can't jump into anything too quickly as I grow my trust for him....and he's totally ok with that...he doesn't want to rush me....he's guessed that I had been burned and he's told me that " I'm worth the wait" ....OMG!! But then there's the thought that is always in the back of my mind whenever I think of him: How long should I wait before I tell him? He told me last night that he is "so good with where we are at right now" ....and I am too. This was never me in the past...and never have I met anyone that was not trying to persuade me in to the bedroom on the first date. I'm excited and of course nervous ...I feel like I don't already have a couple of disclosers under my belt....shouldn't this get easier? aimee
  11. Unbroken: Congratulations...loved your story! Welcome back :)
  12. Hi lonelyhusband, So sorry to hear of your situation. After reading your story I can only comment on what I know. "she had a hysterectomy & lost all interest in sex." I have never had a hysterectomy but I know that after one occurs it will put women into their menopause stage. When menopause occurs there are 3 key hormones that deplete from a women's body: Estrogen, Progesterone, & Testosterone. Signs/symptoms of Estrogen Deficiency in women: Fatigue, depression, decreased libido, poor memory, hot flashes, muscle joint aching, decreased smooth muscle tone of the pelvic floor and bladder leading to incontinence, frequent bladder infections, vaginal dryness, and pain with intercourse. The skin can appear pale with sagging tone over the whole body. Often the breasts can shrink or become saggy. Signs/symptoms of Testosterone Deficiency in women: Depression, lethargy, decreased muscle strength, joint pain, dry skin/ichiness, low libido, dry eyes, pale face, poor concentration/memory, cellulite. Signs/symptoms of Progesterone Deficiency in women: Breast tenderness and swelling, fibrocystic breasts, bloating, painful periods, heavy periods, anxiety, nervousness, PMS symptoms, ovarian cysts, uterine fibroids, endometriosis, infertility, insomnia, increased sensitivity to pain, increased abdominal fat, swelling of the feet and ankles. "she does nothing except watch sitcom cook & go grocery shopping." My guess is that is all she can do to cope with what is going on within her body. Balancing these hormones is a very fine line in women. My suggestion is go to the Dr. to get these hormone levels checked then see what the Dr suggests and go from there. I know that there are foods that contain "Phytoestrogens" which mimic Estrogen. The easiest is found in Soy Milk, drinking 1-2 cups of soy milk a week. But having an excess will also cause problems. Usually a couple of Soy Lattes a week works. I will also copy a couple of articles you may find interesting. http://www.livestrong.com/article/78082-effects-estrogen-after-hysterectomy/ http://www.wikihow.com/Increase-Estrogen Food for thought aimee
  13. “With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose.” ― Wayne W. Dyer
  14. I tried to sign but couldn't, I live in Canada and it wouldn't accept my postal code :((
  15. I met someone in Oct. who I disclosed (with the help of Adrial and this community) to after I'd slept with him once (ideally I wish it didn't happen in that order) He has gotten tested after I asked him to and is H- , I've given him the disclosure handouts and he asks me a lot of questions and i'm sure he's done his own research. The sex is amazing as I believe we've connected on a much deeper level as he's seen me at my most vulnerable moment something I haven't shown in previous relationships which when I look back were all very surfaced and very one sided...sad. I feel differently with this relationship...everything is more real and I feel confident that he wants me for who I really am...once in a while I feel a bit insecure but the feeling quickly dissipates when I read his txts or I when I hear his voice...he is amazing he could be with someone else, someone who isn't H+ but he chooses to be with me...even after he knows everything about me ....he still wants me...the real me! Its still very fresh and new but... one day at a time... I feel blessed.. ♥ I don't post a lot but I seem to come here to read a lot... aimee
  16. This one has always been one of my favs: "When something bad happens you have three choices. You can let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you." ~Unknown
  17. lngj0444: He didn't freak out, he wasn't angry, sleeping with him before I disclosed to him was not something I had planned It was just one of those heat in the moment situations and yes we were totally wasted and it wasn't thought out on my part but we did use a condom. I knew the next day I had to disclose to him right away and I didn't know what that was going to look like as it could have gone either way? After I told him he was calm, it took him a bit to process but even the next day I thought he was going to bolt? never talk to me again? and a million other things? I just wasn't sure what to expect? But nope, none of the above. I sent him him the discloser handout the next day and waited....he texted me and our conversations continued we've gone out a few times and he's been spending weekends at my place...I was teasing him the other night saying "you must like me you keep coming back?" he said "you must like ME, you keep opening the door!" :-) I can't tell you what the future will hold for us but so far he's been amazing and we're just taking things one day at a time. Honestly I wanted to tell him before I sept with him but it happened the way it did and I think him being the type of person he is nothing would have changed had I told him before .... But had I waited longer and kept on sleeping with him without disclosing I could see things turning out much different. When I disclosed and was waiting for his response I said "you now know my deepest darkest secret and there is nothing I would ever hide from you" Everything now is based on honesty, if I have a deep question he answers honestly, as I do the same. I have never in my life experienced anything like this with anyone on this level. He sees me for who I am Herpes and all and still wants to be with me. He is sincere and genuine unlike the guys I used to meet who just wanted to sleep with me. The guy I got HSV2 from a year ago didn't tell me and he took away my right to choose. Then after my anger subsided and I stopped blaming and regained my self worth with self love I promised myself I would always disclose or be single, at the time it felt like the worst thing I've ever had to do but I chose to disclose.
  18. Thank you Adrial, yes so glad I disclosed in person, altho I felt like throwing up at the time the outcome was so worth it! Thank you everyone for your support, I wouldn't have been able to do it without your insight ♥
  19. I did it...I disclosed....I was nervous....I kept talking ...blurting out stats I kept looking for some type of expression from him....he didn't even bat an eye... when I stopped talking he said... "I'm processing but I have a question..." ..."have you had an ob lately?" and I answered not for about 3 mths... he asked a few more questions.... I then said I wanted him to know before things progressed further....he thanked me for telling him....then he kissed me...and said "I won't get to see you again until my next day off...next weekend." My heart danced..
  20. I agree Adrial, I've always tried to eat healthily as a whole, eating lots of fruits, vegetables and lean protein. I try to cut out most of the carbs as thats what works for me and working out 3 times a week. I will admit that one of my bo's was the result of a party week in Mexico eating every deep fried & sugary food that was available on the buffet mixed with alot of drinking for an entire week without taking vitamins. Another one of my outbreaks was the result of an extremely stressful time I was going thru with work. I can see the correlation between a healthy immune system and no outbreaks, one results in the other.
  21. Diet change worked for me I was diagnosed a yr ago and started eating less foods with Arginine and more foods with Lysine and taking Lysine, zinc, copper & vitamin B every day I've only had 3 herpes outbreaks in the entire yr which were minor, 1 lesion each time, the last one lasted 2 days. If you take care of yourself.. it shows inside and out ♥
  22. After reading your responses several times I've decided to disclose tomorrow...I hope I don't lose my nerve. I've invited him over for dinner which he's totally ecstatic about....wish I was feeling the same. ugh
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