Donkrin

I (25M) went on a nice couple of dates with a girl (23F) I met on Bumble. We seemed to click somewhat, but there was an air of incompatibility I felt with us. I told her towards the end of the 2nd date I "have HSV2", and she just asked if that was the same thing as Herpes simplex virus 2. I told her yes, but she had a negative body posture with her arms folded, a sign she was uncomfortable and closed off to the idea, but she verbally told me she was ok with it. We later kissed, parted ways, and I texted her I had a good time. I have not heard back from her since, and it's my first real rejection I've had since getting diagnosed 4 months ago. I'm a little frustrated and sad, but I don't want it to consume me knowing there's plenty of better matches out there. Has this happened to anyone else before?

I've read you should wait 7 days after the sores heal, others a few days, and others as soon as the sores heal. I've also read asymptomatic shedding occurs during this time. Any thoughts?

I'm taking daily valtrex, but do you have any tips on preventing an outbreak from occurring when you're shaving down there? It just feels weird to me having a lot of hair in the private region.

I have recently had what I think is my 3rd outbreak in the past 3 months. I relatively keep very active, eat well, and get plenty of sleep, but this past week I was on a vacation, and it was a bit stressful in a car with kids as well as getting less than adequate sleep. The other day, I shaved down there, but what really causes outbreaks? Does shaving increase the likelihood of a recurrence? How often do most of anyone with HSV-2 on average get a year? Does anyone have trouble feeling their prodromal symptoms as well? I've read it varies with people, but I often get a little sad whenever I have a recurrence. Is that normal? Sorry I know that's a lot of questions for one post, but I'm still really new and figuring this all out. I haven't even had more than one disclosure yet lol.

I wouldn't necessarily feel guilty of disclosing, although that's in part of being really confident on my end. Not to deter you from doing it, but my biggest concern with having casual sex is the greatly increased risk (2-3x) of contracting HIV, even with a condom and even without visible symptoms (lesions, sores, etc). People can tell you all the time they've been tested and are "clean," but it only takes one casual encounter and you have another lifelong STI, only this one exacerbates the symptoms of HSV among other things.

Thanks. It's interesting to hear your story and move the mindset from fear to openness. I've read the e-books, and I agree that it is more about how you say something then what you say. I believe I'm a positive person, and I tend not to have fears of rejection nor fear of being vulnerable pre/post-diagnosis. My own personal question I have right now for myself is, "Should I be dating to be in a serious relationship with someone, or should I just be casual and have casual encounters?" Not that either choice is right or wrong, but it's only a question I have to answer for myself. It's also great to hear about how you've grown a connection with someone and started a family...something I hope to accomplish in the future. I'm also hoping that in the nearby future there will be less stigma and more knowledge about the disease itself, but it has to start with people openly talking about the condition and not hiding in the dark. For example, I've read somewhere that breast cancer was highly stigmatized in the 70s and 80s before people became much more aware of it and more empathetic.

I became diagnosed with HSV-2 a month ago, and I read that more females than males are herpes positive much of which has to do with the rate of transmission being higher male to female. I was curious how fellow men approach dating, is it any different for anyone? Are you guys more cautious in who you all date and continue to see? Plus, have you all had any negative reactions towards a disclosure? What do many females that are herpes negative think about men that are herpes positive? Or maybe this is completely gender neutral barring the social stigma? I haven't disclosed to anyone mainly due to the pandemic and not having sex with new partners so the thought passes through my mind quite a lot.

Yes, of course. I'll keep this post updated.

One of my biggest concerns right now having newly been diagnosed with HSV-2 is acquiring HIV from a new partner. I've read from the CDC that herpes-positive individuals are 2-3x more likely to acquire HIV because it readily infects the T-cells where the lesions were, healed or not, and using antivirals do not prevent HIV transmission. Besides wearing protection, communication with partners, and limiting the amount of partners I'm having sex with, how can I prevent and lessen my chances of acquiring HIV? I've read there's a stigma for herpes, but there seems to be a much bigger stigma for HIV, and this is one of the last things I'd like to acquire in life.

Thanks so much for the swift and helpful response Adrial! I'm glad to be here, and I've spent more than 8 hours since we've been quarantined watching your videos, reading your blogs, reading forums, and hearing your stories. I'll definitely be back to ask more questions and give helpful advice. It's very inspiring to see what how you've built this community and the impact it's created for people like you and I.

What is the likelihood that you transmit your genital HSV-2 to someone else if they touch that area with their hands or by rubbing up against you? I was recently diagnosed, and I'm collecting as much information as possible before my first disclosure.