SunnyDaysAreHere

Well I finally took the leap last night and told the guy I've been seeing. This was my first disclosure and I fumbled quite a bit - I had everything planned out in my head the way I wanted to say it, but it ended up coming out like a disjointed version of what I had planned, and some tears. What I can't wrap my head around now is that when I told him, he was upset - not that I have H but at the particular time I chose to tell him. He said he had a timeline in his head and wasn't really thinking of being intimate in that way for a while longer. He never shared this particular timeline with me, although we had talked about taking things slow and wanting to get to know each other. I just thought it was time to tell him since we have been getting more physical, I have slept over with him, and I wanted to do it sooner rather than later, so it didn't seem like I was trying to lie or hide it. And before either of us becomes too attached. He was visibly upset and said he didn't understand why I told him now, and that he hadn't pressured me to do anything (true) so he was confused. We went to sleep and this morning he seemed totally normal and upbeat, so I asked 'Are you not mad at me? You seemed upset last night.' And now he says he just doesn't want to talk about it. I understand he's trying to process things, but if we keep dating (which it seems like we will) we're going to have to talk about it eventually. How long should I wait? Or should I just back off and not bring it up until he does?

Thanks for the feedback everyone! And @thisisgoingtobeokay, I feel the same way about the blessing in disguise. At least we can weed through the losers more efficiently now!

Hi all, Found out in early November I had contracted genital herpes. I'll save the long saga and sob story - my giver/ex got in touch with me recently now claiming he couldn't have possibly given it to me, saying he has HSV1 oral and that his doctor said he can't pass it along, although almost everything I've read suggests otherwise. He was the only person I had slept with in at least 6 months. My symptoms also showed up within days of us having sex, including oral sex. Here are my thoughts/questions: 1. Is it possible to pass HSV1 from mouth to genitals if you have oral sex? 2. More of a rant, but I feel like whoever his "doctor" is should have his/her medical license revoked for telling him he can't spread it! 3. Is there any reason a medical professional would even SUGGEST this type of thing? I'm so angry right now because I know deep down that I couldn't possibly have gotten it from anyone else. I was starting to finally feel normal again and now this just feels like reopening an old wound.

It's been two weeks to the day since I was diagnosed. I woke up at 4am on Halloween morning in excruciating pain, and my first thought was that maybe I had bad razor burn or had been bitten by a mosquito down there ... several times. I took the day off work to rest and try to figure out what was going on, but deep down I think I knew. Now, looking back, I realize I had a lot of the symptoms in the two days leading up to my OB: I had intense migraines at work, I was starting to feel like I had a cold coming on, and no matter how much I slept or tried to rest, I just felt fatigued all the time, for no reason. I went to the doctor the next day and was essentially hysterical even before she walked in the room. I thought I couldn't get any more ridiculous until she said the words, "Yes, this looks like you have herpes." I started crying like I haven't cried in years. And all of her attempts to console me just made me shake and bawl that much harder. I've never slept around, and have only ever been intimate with someone I'm exclusive with. And I always, ALWAYS, use a condom. I guess I just never thought this could happen to me, but that's the funny thing about life. Things happen when you least expect them. Leading up to this, I had been single for quite a while - over two years - and I was so happy to be in a place where I thought I could have a good relationship again. I'd been seeing my giver for a few months, and this happened literally days after the first time we slept together. He insists he didn't know he had HSV, but I don't really know if I believe that. And I guess I'll never really know for sure. But the more I think about it, the more I question - how well did I really know him? Wasn't there some sort of red flag I should've seen? The last two weeks have just been an emotional rollercoaster. I went through the whole stage of shock where I felt like I was just having a horrible nightmare. Then there were days of deep depression, where I literally could not stop crying and at times just thought it would be so much easier if I could just not wake up the next day. I didn't want to deal with it. Just everything set me off. I saw a kid walking with his mom on the street and I had to run behind a tree to hide because I was crying at the fear that I might not ever have that. I just keep trying to sort out all of my feelings and it's like a whirlwind: anger, depression, confusion, guilt, shame. I know I shouldn't be ashamed or guilty really, because I did all I could, in theory, to prevent this from happening. But I can't help but think that things are never going to be the same, and I might not ever find the person I'm supposed to be with. I actually stumbled across this group about a week ago, but couldn't work up the nerve until now to make an account. I told my mom, and my two best friends, but I'm just terrified of the day when I'll have to tell someone I really care about, knowing there's a possibility that he could reject me. I think I know deep down that when the right person comes along, he won't care, but does that fear ever go away? This whole process has just been so hard, because I feel like I don't have anyone I can really talk to, who understands what I'm feeling. My friends are here, but my closest friends and all of my family are 3000 miles away (I'm from California and moved to DC about a year ago). It makes me feel better reading other people's posts, and it does feel better getting this off my chest. I guess any advice for how I can start to feel like myself again would be appreciated. I'm starting to feel that way, but then slowly but surely the doubt comes creeping back in.