WCSDancer2010

@thegreatestgood Welcome back! First - I think you are on the right track. I think you need to focus on getting your independence (NO, that's not selfish! And the *right* man will recognize that!) and self confidence. I wouldn't go as far as "non-attachment" but I might say that perhaps you give yourself a year on your own ... to learn to love yourself ... to find your center again ... before seriously dating again. I took a year off from dating once and it was the best thing I ever did for myself. I learned I didn't *need* anyone ... so I could make the *choice* to be with someone. And while I'm currently single ( and likely will be for awhile, as my father just moved in with me) I have faith that the right man will come along when *I* am in the right place. In the meantime, I have a nice collection of vibrators (yeah, I put it out there...LOL) to keep the sexual urges at bay. It's not at all perfect but sometimes not having to worry about another person isn't so bad either...LOL I think you will get your sexy back when you get YOU back. When you can almost defy a man to not love you (even with the Asthma and H) ... because you KNOW you are a damn fine catch. And that confidence is sexy to a man. Once you get there, the big leap is to allow yourself to be vulnerable and open ... scary as all hell but that's the point where the biggest growth occurs *if you let it* teach you because you get to be face to face with your fears. But the reward - true love - is, IMO, worth the risk every time! (((HUGS)))

@DrNoLove That doesn't happen when people find out that you have H. There's no forgiveness or understanding. There's nothing but judgment. People automatically assume that you "whored around" and that's how you caught.. not that you were in a relationship, or were assaulted, or whatever. Uh - no. I came out on FB about my status to over 1,000 people when I decided to become an advocate - NOT ONE judged me. NOT ONE said anything negative or hurtful to me. NOT ONE assumed I had "whored around". You say *you* wouldn't date someone if it had been the other way around. So I would suggest that you are projecting your previous beliefs on everyone else... that you feel everyone would act the same as you would have before now. I have personally also dated and had sex with several men who are H- ...I'm not a serial dater but there have been *enough* for me to feel I can speak from experience as well as what I have seen time and time again on here. I actually put my H status on the POF and OKC profiles when I had it up and had plenty of men who contacted me to say they were H- but wanted to meet me anyway ... ***because my honesty showed I had integrity*** ... and they saw that as a valuable asset in a potential partner. I strongly suggest that you read the Success Stories and see how many people have found the DEEPEST love they have ever experienced ...usually with a H- partner ... since getting herpes. In part it's because they slow down the dating process and choose better potential partners. In part because H acts as a great Wingman (if the person acts like you are a whore for being honest with them and caring about their health and right to know, doesn't that tell you something about them?) so you get past partners who might have an ugly side you might not see until you are really committed to them. So when they DO find that person who loves them ***Unconditionally** they really recognize it for what it is. Love and Sex are risky. Period. Anyone who thinks they are not are living in cloud cuckoo land. The CDC says ANYONE who is single and sexually active is highly likely to get at least one strain of HPV in their life. 80% of people have at least 1 strain of herpes (60% of young people have oral HSV1 by the time they are young adults from other kids sharing drinks with full on OB's). Both are incurable .... so truth of the matter is pretty much everyone will get one or the other or both by the time they are in mid-life. That's just plain FACT. And anyone who gets on their high horse about it and tries to make you feel bad for having an STD isn't worth having in your circle of friends (There's that Wingman again!) Don't need any of that negative shit in *my* life! The *point*of my reply was that we know that we could always be in a car accident yet we drive anyway. We don't know if our trip will get us to our destination, the ER, or a morgue. But we drive anyway. And we do what we can along the way (I HOPE!) to stay safe and keep our passengers safe. We don't drive with a leaking brake hose, or faulty power steering. Just as we don't have sex during an OB ... and we refrain or figure another way to play when in doubt and *might* be having an OB just as one might take another mode of transport when we need to get the car to the repairman. Sure - *IF* you are not maimed, you can heal. But what if you are maimed from a car accident? I'm sure you'd choose H over paralysis any day, even with all the "sympathy" for your auto injury. The bottom line is you have a CHOICE. You can choose to allow your past beliefs about STD's to permeate how you believe people *should* treat you now. Or you can live into how you would want/expect people to treat you now.... exactly as they did before ... to only have people around you who love you unconditionally. Who are willing to get educated if they don't know what it Herpes is so they can empathize with you. Who lift you up on the days that you are determined to beat yourself down. Why the hell would you want anyone around you who would accuse you of "whoring" around? What kind of "friend" is that? So use this to help you to choose better friends and lovers. The alternative - hiding in your secret and believing *everyone* will now see you as a slut or whatever - doesn't sound too great to me.... Maybe this video will help you to understand what I'm saying :)

@Blahdittilyblah @MMissouri had some good suggestions above ... I'm 100% out so people actually come to me for info, but before I was out, I'd say something like "You know, I heard something recently that said that 80% of the population has H and only 80% of them know they have it. So I guess it's not that rare". Or ... "From what I hear they don't test for Herpes in STD tests unless you ask for it. Do you know anything about that?" The thing that will stop stigma is education, and those statements act as a passive way to educate. Make the person stop and think. And maybe do some research on their own. You might even jump online and google Herpes with them if they try to act like you are crazy, pull up this site or the CDC pages and look at them with the person. Get them thinking and realizing that they may not know everything they need to about it.... and you may manage to mortify them anyway.... LOL

@girlnamedhope So did they swab the OB's or did they just tell you that's what it is? If you have it systemically then you should see a specialist and get on stronger antivirals to help to get it under control. What kind of Dr are you seeing now?

The thinking at the moment (and I say that because I've had H for over 50 yrs and I've seen "thinking" change over the years) is that HSV2 generally protects most people pretty well from HSV1... but that HSV1 doesn't give *as much* protection from HSV2. So yes, you can receive oral and you *should* be ok but I'd refrain in both directions if either of you think you *might* be having an OB ... no need to push your luck when your body is in the "shedding on steroids" phase... :)

Well I tell people all the time that Herpes is a great Wingman because it will show you the true nature of the person when you disclose to them. That said, I kinda see where they were coming from. Herpes is mostly a pain in the ... ahem... for most people, and nothing else as long as managed carefully. It won't give you cancer and it won't make you infertile. So it shows that they "get" that Herpes isn't a big deal. So I don't see that as a "negative" reaction. But if that kind of reaction makes *you* feel uncomfortable then perhaps this person isn't for you.... and without H it may have been months or years before you realized that otherwise.... good thing then that you had your Wingman to out the guy! :)

Wow - never ceases to amaze me just how much education we have to do and how poorly our "sex education" classes are doing.... The simplest thing to get about Herpes is it dies pretty quickly outside the body. So as @Sil88 said, unless someone with an active outbreak played the same way with your phone immediately before you, the answer is no.... you can't get Herpes from inanimate objects unless you are playing with an active carrier... nor can you get it from toilet seats, bath towels. etc... it generally takes ACTIVE CONTACT with a carrier and mostly through vigorous rubbing of genitals or perhaps on a hand that has come in contact with an active lesion. :)

No, no... What I was saying was, I would rather let the person have the impression in their mind that I was not interested, rather than tell people that I am infected with a disease as the reason why I am not able to have sex. The guy I was with when I got my test results, after I told him I was positive, he got freaked out and ran out the door and hasn't contacted me since. I don't want to experience that again. So what you are saying is that because of one jackass, you are going to deprive yourself of the potential for possibly having a wonderful sexual partner? Let me ask you this... if this was your (Adult!) daughter (and lets take Herpes out of the conversation... right now I want to discuss rejection... not the *reason* for it) ... what would you say to her? If she came to you and said "I really like this guy and he likes me but Bobby was so nasty to me when he broke up with me that I just don't want to risk getting hurt again" ... would you tell her "Of course! what a smart thing to do!" ... or would you tell her "Honey, there are mean people out there, and people who will break your heart. But you have to pick yourself up and open your heart again when the right person comes along". Sure - rejection SUCKS. Doesn't matter what you get rejected for. And there are some really interesting articles about Rejection and how it physiologically affects the body. I'll put the links below - but the bottom line is that your body will *physically* be affected by rejection... And that affect is a SURVIVAL reaction that is to convince you to behave in certain ways to keep from being hurt. And it no longer applies to how we live today. Also, saying "you are infected with a disease" is such a negative way to look at things. Herpes is just a nuisance viral skin condition in ea really inconvenient place. 80% of people who have it don't even know they have it. Of the other 20% there are varying experiences from the 1-and-done outbreak and the few who have a tough time of it. It's not life threatening except in the incredibly rare times the person get it systemically and that likely happens because their immune system is out of whack. Now, that isn't to say that we don't disclose ... because it's only right to tell someone when you *know* you harbor a virus that they may catch (we do it with colds and the like) so they can figure out if they are ok with risking contact with you that might cause them to get the virus. How do you stop processing it when it's always there and is not going to go away - unless there is a cure which I think there will be soon. Better not to say anything, just let the person think that you did not feel an attraction for them. The person who gave it to me says a lot of people have this and it's no big deal, and he advised me that he doesn't think there is any reason to mention it. He says out of about 20 people he's had sex with, only me and the woman he is currently with got infected. But I think he is wrong for doing this. So did the person who gave it to you disclose? I'm going to assume not but I'm out of date on here so if you mentioned it somewhere I apologize. But I'm going to guess you were not given the CHOICE given that he "says a lot of people have this and it's no big deal, and he advised me that he doesn't think there is any reason to mention it." .. . it sounds like he is being reckless and is TOTALLY out of integrity. I would guess that he isn't on meds and doesn't use condoms and thinks he has it "under control". Yes, he's right that "lots of people have it and it's no big deal" ... at least for most of us.... but it's still the right thing to do to disclose. AND, then on the days you *may* be having an PB you can just tell your partner and they won't try to tempt you into doing something that would put them at risk. And on those days you have the perfect excuse to try other ways to get yer freak on! I also responded in the "Disclose or not" thread... with a bunch of links for you...I just got back from moving my father from Fla to NY and I'm exhausted and have to get to bed, but those links may strike a cord for you.. :)

Instead of assuming everyone is clean. I disclose, unprompted, but I'd be in favor of a disclosure that works like this: don't bring it up if the other person doesn't ask and if they do ask then you tell them. This way you still disclose and it makes everyone more responsible for knowing the facts instead of living in a bubble. The thing is people are not being properly educated. But YOU are educated and thus YOU have the responsibility of "Adulting" (as my kids put it) and doing the mature and right thing. Online? Oh hell no. People would never go for testing. As it is in many states do have mandatory registration for certain STD's (not available to the public) and many won't test for that reason ... and I agree with @MMisouri - it would easily be abused. Exactly, people are playing Russian roulette every time they have unprotected sex with a person who they don't know the STI status of. At least those of us who know we are infected are playing safe, which those who are unaware are not. Did you ready the study I posted that shows that those of us who KNOW we have H are FAR less likely to pass it on than the 80% of those who have no clue that they harbor the virus??? Simply because we monitor our bodies, and *at least most* will disclose. So we give our partner CHOICE, and we take responsibility for doing out best to not pass it on. In a funny, weird way, *we* are safer to have sex with than someone who *believes* they have been tested, or who do insist on keeping their head in the sand who won't get tested http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/ http://blackgirlsareeasy.com/2014/02/dating-with-a-std.html Raw and unapologetic truths about dating with herpes http://supporttruthanddialog.com/rejection_its-all-about-perspective/ (my blog) http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/4699/first-real-disclosure-first-real-rejection Rejection as your teacher….. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201307/10-surprising-facts-about-rejection http://m.jid.oxfordjournals.org/content/194/1/42.long Knowledge of Partners’ Genital Herpes Protects against Herpes Simplex Virus Type 2 Acquisition

I am soo happy to hear that! I feel I've been neglecting everyone here - dealing with family issues (moving my father out of his house in Fla and moving him in with me) and I've been terribly absent. So I'm glad to know that even the little I've posted has helped someone :) (((HUGS)))

There's something about using the word risk with herpes that bothers me. So many people have it that I'm really not sure what the real risk is. A risk is when you put something significant on the line. For the majority of people, herpes has been a non-issue. I agree with @Optimist and MMissouri ... the definition of "something significant" varies from person to person. And we rarely know a person well enough to be able to be the judge of how a person will define that when it comes to Herpes. It certainly is not our right to make that choice for them. Which is why we disclose. For some, it's a totally insignificant "risk" ... for a few, it would (at least in their current mind) be a fate worse than death to get H. And there's every level in between. Also the "risk" may seem bigger (or not) depending on how they feel about you... if they like you enough, the "risk" may go down (in their mind) exponentially. For others, the disclosure process snaps them out of a hormone induced fog and they realize that they don't see a future with you and they use the disclosure as an excuse to pull back. And while that sucks, it's important to just remember that "risk tolerance" and "risk definition" varies from person to person. That doesn't make them a "bad' person (as long as they are decent about it)... but it *DOES* help you to see who they are more clearly either way :)

So glad my blog is helping people! The problem with living abroad is that many countries are even less "concerned" about Herpes and it can be harder to get long term suppressive medications. In the UK they say you have to have 6-8 OB's a year to get on it even with a committed partner. So you may have to advocate for yourself and refuse to accept that kind of idiocy. I hate lying, but I tell people in those situations to say they have had OB's quite frequently if they want to get on Supressive meds.

Anyone who has casual sex *should* understand that they are putting themselves at a MUCH higher risk of an STD ... it kinda comes with the territory. AND, again, there's a study that showed that those of us who know we have H are FAR less likely to pass it on as we are much more aware of our bodies and if we are responsible we will decline to have sex if we *might* have anything going on down there. A car accident can be pretty "life altering". But you drive people anyway. So how do you see that as any different than from having sex with someone if you have H? As long as they know the facts and understand the risks ... AND you are a responsible partner and decline sex (or at least, anything that includes contact with the area of your OB's .. H gives is a great opportunity to learn other ways to play!) ... then it's not about "asking" them to put themselves at risk ... it's about giving them CHOICE. Again with the car analogy, a responsible driver maintains their car, insists you wear seat belts, and drives within the laws (ok. most of us speed a bit or whatever, but I'm going to say you don't take unnecessary or irresponsible risks) ... a responsible H carrier makes sure their partner is well informed, that they use condoms (at least until you are monogamous and the other partner CHOOSES to be ok with not using them) and perhaps you take Valtrex. So that's your "maintenance and seat belts" as it were. So why deny both of you the chance for a great RELATIONSHIP as long as you are being responsible and careful? As I said, there's a study (will put the link below) that proves that those who know they have H are at less risk of spreading it.... so in a weird way, by denying a partner the opportunity to have a sexual relationship you *could* be said to be putting them at a higher risk if they went off and had sex with someone who didn't know they were a carrier. And I'm not saying you can't have your POV on this... but I've had this 35 yrs and I've had some AMAZING partners in that time who were H- ... and it woulda SUCKED if I waited around all this time for a cure/vaccine. So my point is, please don't get attached to waiting for cure to consider a relationship. It the *right* person comes along, at least give them the chance to see it there's enough there for a full relationship. The "good" thing about H is it gives us the excuse to slow down the progression towards sex so you actually get to know the person better first, and that's not a bad thing at all! http://m.jid.oxfordjournals.org/content/194/1/42.long Knowledge of Partners’ Genital Herpes Protects against Herpes Simplex Virus Type 2 Acquisition

Just wanted to add. Her idea is all good if the person that's pregnant is in a committed relationship- but what about those that aren't? And continue to have sex with multiple partners? Drag all one night stands in for testing before sex? It won't happen. Now I'm curious on just how many of those newly acquired cases during pregnancy were from someone in a monogamous relationship vs those that aren't. Actually testing might *cause* a woman who might have multiple partners to actually be more cautious about her dalliances... the prospect of a Cesarean or a seriously ill baby is a pretty strong incentive to consider your partner choices :p

@prettynerd Hello and Welcome! @MMissouri said exactly what I would have said. I just want to add that right now, you are right to get out of dating... and I'm glad you are in therapy now because THAT is what you need right now ... right now your "thinker' is off because of your rape experience (and as MMissouri said, MANY girls believe the way to get a man is through your vagina... and most haven't been raped.) Right now you need to take a step back and learn to love and respect YOURSELF. The person who raped you took that from you... or at least has you believing that it's not there ... and you need to be gentle with yourself AND, over time, forgive yourself. FEAR causes us to do stupid things. One of those things is having sex without disclosing... the fear of the other person's reaction is a powerful motivator to just let it slide... and the unfortunate consequence is often that when you do disclose the other person feels betrayed and moves on. Perhaps you should be tankful though, because this made you realize you need to reach out for help.... and THAT is a wonderful thing.... because now you can work on getting YOU back :) (((HUGS)))

They recommended against screening? I find this VERY interesting because I am close to someone going for a state job...they gave a form that must be filled out and signed by their doctor...One of the specific questions they ask is if the patient has an std....I was horrified to read that...what does having an std have to do with your ability to do a job, a desk job? Any job? Sure you can request your physician not answer it, but then you risk not getting a state position. The CDC recommends against screening for HERPES ... again, because of the reasons I outlined above. As for your friend's application, I'd get the Dr to say that it's irrelevant to the position/duties the person will perform. Don't know why they would have that on there except HIV but I'm pretty sure that they can't deny you the job by law for having an STD (even HIV)

@Bluebetty Honey - if I had held onto the hope of a cure before having sex I'd be a spinster in a convent by now ... I've had this 35 yrs and they've been promising a cure the whole time. So I hope you are not avoiding the possibility of having a relationship until there's a cure... because the FDA has a way of making it damn near impossible for many drugs to get through their system. You say "any same person would not knowingly take the risk of contracting this."... .. You need to go read the Success Stories. We have TONS of people on here who have perfectly *sane* H- partners. Because a *sane* person understand that **Life Assumes Risk** ... and that you get informed and then you choose what risks you will take. Every time you get in your car **you could DIE**. It's a risk we all take because of the convenience factor. If you love Sushi you could get food poisoning ... but many eat it because they love the taste. I'm living proof that you can have a great life with Herpes and I'm not "making light" of it. I'm telling the truth. I had a 20 yr marriage that ended amicably. I've had two 3 yr relationships since then with *SANE* H- men. I've had a number of other shorter term relationships, most of which just ended because of incompatibility. I have 2 lovely daughters. I have a great Massage practice. I Swing Dance and Hike and do all kinds of great things. I'm currently single but right now I don't have the time to date as I'm moving my father in with me (literally in Fla now packing him out to move him to NY with me!)... Talk about Deal Breakers! Anyone who dates me right now needs to be ok with my father being in my home and taking a lot of my time. Herpes be damned... try having sex with your father in the next room! LOL There is no way around the fact that the risk can't be 0 therefore we are "wrong" for taking our Valtrex and going on with life just the way it was before this happened (pretending we don't have it). NO ONE here will tell you to take your Valtrex and go on like you don't have H. Our policy here is to ALWAYS disclose. To ALWAYS give the other person CHOICE. And to say someone is "wrong" is to JUDGE them ... and this is a Judgment Free Zone ... so when we have someone come on here who either has had sex without disclosing or who is struggling with the concept of disclosing, ***we don't judge them*** BUT we do coach them and make it clear that our policy is to disclose and we will always encourage people to disclose.... while also being empathetic to their struggle with the fear and pain they are experiencing with the disclosure process. It's often a delicate balance but if we are to have a SAFE place where people can come and request support, love, and advice, we *MUST* keep our judgements out of the space. If you are struggling with having a physical relationship, with the risk of passing it on, Think of it this way... **I assume you drive a car **and I assume if that is correct, you may occasionally drive your friends or family somewhere **And you ALL know there is ALWAYS a risk of a car accident no matter how careful you are **But you drive them anyway, right? Do you obsess day and night that you might injure/kill them every time they get in your car? I doubt it. **Why is the possibility of passing on H any different? At least it won't kill someone!!! Think on it :)

@hippyherpy The reason I say that it tells you a lot about them is that there are a number of things about their character that will come up with disclosure. ** There are those who are willing to be educated, and those who are not. ** You will see how the person handles awkward situations. I can't tell you how many times the person does the disclosure, the other person (hate to say it, but usually it's guys) says it doesn't change a thing, they cuddle with you all night, then once you are out of sight they go into Radio Silence. These are the conflict avoiders. It's not that they are *bad* people... they just don't know how to be HONEST with someone when it means that it may cause upset.... so they just go quiet and disappear... again, longer term, this person may be difficult to live with because conflict never gets discussed and resolved with them. ** You will often find out if the person is into YOU, or if they just wanted to GET INTO you... which is important if you believe the person actually *cares* about you enough to not want to hurt you by leading you on if you are looking for a relationship material partner. ** You will find out where the person gets their information.... their friends, or actual research ** You will find out if they are an anxious/nervous/hypochondriac type of person who may be a perfectly wonderful person but who will be difficult to live with ... with )R without Herpes. Yes - the stigma causes a lot of the angst ... but for those of us who are looking for relationships, HOW the other person deals with that is much more important than it is in a hook-up where you have nothing invested in the other person. It's in some ways easier to be ok with the risk if you are only having sex once ... but for some the prospect of taking that risk again and again *may* be ok and it *may* be too much for them to deal with.... and in the end, if they are not ok with it, we have to understand that this is their right and I find it understandable ... and... there will always be someone else who will cherish you and not be at all concerned about that risk because they feel that YOU are too precious to break up with over a nuisance skin virus.

So - as HH said, we will tell you to disclose... but only when sex is imminent. Or at least when you know that you are going that direction. Here's the deal. Right now you see H as this HUGE dealbreaker ... and you are forgetting that there are TONS of dealbreakers out there. AND, it's only a dealbreaker for *some* people.... I personally don't want to date men with non-adult children. But it's not a dealbreaker for all women my age. But I've had men get upset that I don't want to be involved with them because of their kids. It's not personal...just that mine are 27 and 30 and I'm happy not dealing with young kids full time now. My point is, all relationships have dealbreakers. And every time you get into a new relationship, there's a risk that *something* will come up that is a dealbreaker for the other person. And it doesn't mean that there's anything "wrong" with you. I also tell people that H will show you a LOT about the other person....HOW they deal with it tells you a lot about them. Obviously he is willing to wait to have sex, and that's a beautiful thing. But if he reacts in an ugly way to disclosure, it's not about YOU, it's about HIM and his ignorance and judgements. So if you don't tell him, you don't give him the chance to at least get informed and consider where he feels things are with you and whether it's an issue for him or not. And you will never know. And HE will likely be bewildered and hurt if you suddenly break it off with no explanation and you will just "prove" to him that relationships suck and he might as well not bother. And finally, if you got H from oral sex, you have HSV1. 80% of people already have HSV1 orally and many others have it genitally. So odds are VERY high that he already has it one way or the other. In which case he has the antibodies to it and that gives him some protection..... on top of the genital HSV1 is VERY rarely passed to others, both because so many have the antibodies and because it sheds a LOT less than HSV2. I'd wait till you get home, and then I'd tell him that you need to talk to him to figure out where you are... if he's really ok with not having sex. If he is, then tell him your story. Make sure you start by telling him that your first concern is starting the relationship with HONESTY ..... tell him your story and then tell him you believe he should have the chance to have the CHOICE about whether you continue. Sure, you *may* be rejected. But one thing I see and experience a LOT is that partners really appreciate and HONOR that you have taken the risk of telling them, that you have been honest so early on when it would be easy to just pretend it wasn't there. People who have been lied to and hurt especially appreciate this kind of honesty. And if he chooses to move on, it may be that he was already questioning where it was going, it may be that he's a hypochondriac and can't deal with medical risks (which is a hard thing to live with as a partner... believe me!). And if he's ugly about it, well, he's just shown you that he's a dick. Be grateful! LOL Here's some info that you should read and have handy to show him if he's uninformed. (((HUGS))) http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/ Handouts + disclosure e-book: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook Herpes facts video

As mentioned, Herpes is not considered a health-threatening STD ... and the other issue is that the CDC believes that the diagnosis causes so much angst that they believe that it's better if people don't know they have it. Which is STUPID in my opinion because while it's shitty enough to get the diagnosis, it's even shittier to find out when someone calls you up and tells you that YOU gave it to them. And given that studies show that those who are diagnosed are far less likely to pass it on, I would think the responsible thing to do is to test AND create a public conversation that would help to reduce the stigma as well as top quality information brochures that would be in all medical offices and easily available online. I have plans to create a campaign with the CDC to get them to see the REALITY of what the H community is dealing with. Just reading all the posts on here should prove that we need a different way of dealing with the virus. Putting their head in the sand isn't working. It's just creating a lot of people who need a lot of therapy. Ok then why do people have to disclose herpes by law in some states? I say that if the federal government is not only not asking people to be screened, but telling doctors not to screen for her herpes, then that should be legal license for people to not to have to disclose. The disclosure laws in some states started as a blanket law because of HIV ... and perhaps Syphilis and Gonorrhea because of how they affect the reproductive system.... but they made the law a blanket law for all STD's.

@Toughluck It sounds like you may need some help with the depression. I rarely take medications but I went through a spell (not H related... just overwhelm with life) where I got into a VERY bad place. I went to a therapist and went on Welbutrin ... only needed it for about 6 months or so. I just needed something to stop the negative thinking cycle I was in. As for how you are dealing with things in general... post on the regular board and reach out to others. You are FAR from alone. And as a 35+ yr veteran, I can tell you, H won't stop you from having a great life .... only YOU will stop you from having a great life. Between the numbers of people with H and the meds that we have to control it, it really doesn't have to be a big deal. (((HUGS)))

@LondonCalling03 If you are in a new relationship I wouldn't drop the dosage just yet. I generally do full dose for the first 6 months ... if we make it that far and they seem cool with the risk I may talk to them about cutting back... but only if they are ok with the risk and realize that I'd rather not be on meds... @HippyHerpy Well, again, your lifestyle is one where the you may "care" for the women you are with in the moment, but odds are you won't be there for them if they get unlucky and get H. And AGAIN, you got lucky and had minimal symptoms... women are more likely to get a bad ride from H. So like it or not it's on you to do what you can to keep them from getting it IMO .... and if your liver is that important to you, then perhaps you need to look at your lifestyle. I really don't think you want to have to deal with someone coming to you telling you you gave it to them even though you disclosed. I personally couldn't consider having casual sex and not be on the meds because I don't want that responsibility for someone I don't want to be responsible for.... if the person is my partner, we work through whether I take the meds or not over time.... it's a joint decision. Your partners don't get that luxury and to be honest, I'm willing to bet that even with your "disclosure" most really don't understand how the virus works. I don't "blame" you for that, it's just reality. So knowing that, I'm still advising that you use the meds as long as you are in the lifestyle...

I'd try what you suggested - split V in half as well as the A pills - see how you go. If you think it's too fast, go to 3/4V and 1/4 A ... Let your body be your guide

I tell people to NEVER go to a GP for ANYTHING to do with your sex life. They are GENERAL practitioners, and often misinterpret tests and give out bad/incorrect info. Go to either an OBGYN (who you should ALWAYS go to for the lady bits and the Ta-Ta's!) or Planned Parenthood or an STD clinic. Odds are your STD panel didn't include Herpes - you usually have to ask specifically for it, even with a "Full STD Panel" :(

So glad to be here for everyone..... I actually was about to build a site like this when I discovered this forum because I was so pissed and sad at how many sites are just not helpful at all. I'm very grateful that @Adrial had already done the "grunt work" and got this off the ground because I have been able to just focus on helping to support and inform and not spend months building a site with my very limited knowledge. :)