WCSDancer2010

You go girl! I'm right there with you - just came out myself ... you are welcome to quote anything I said, or PM me for support, or whatever. One at a time... we can change the way the public views something that is really just a pain in the - er - nether regions...... This is the link to my coming out post - it's public so feel free to pass it on to anyone who is struggling with this - with or without Herpes :)

Exactly... that helps... thanks... But THIS pisses me off: "CDC does not recommend screening for HSV-1 or HSV-2 in the general population." WTF?? How are we supposed to control the spread if we don't know we have it??? AND, it just makes for a lot of holier-than-tho people who *think* they don't have it who state on their dating profiles "D&D Free" yet I bet plenty of them are carriers... and that is just soooo unfair to everyone involved. How can we change this to where STD testing protocol automatically includes HSV testing????

A quick read of the CDC material seems to say that this is only HSV 2 in the genitals - so the # could be much higher if you include HSV 1 that transmitted to the genitals??? Yes??

Hmmm - I thought there were a lot more with the HSV2 ... but it's good to know.... thanks for the clarification :)

Thanks - I have to admit I have been crying on and off all day. The coming out was easy. I HAD to do it. I couldn't stand it any more. But I am still intensely mad and enraged at the ignorance and crap that is out there that most of the population believes...the crap that scares really good men (and women) away because they go online and see photos of the worst breakout EVER, or they talk to their friends who tell them their junk is going to fall off if they get it, or whatever. Yes, the really "good ones" will get over it quickly... but at the same time, I totally get it that there will be a lot of other really good people who will walk away thanks to the stigma and fear-mongering that has been promoted by the media and Big Pharma (this just confirmed what I thought was a likely cause of the stigma http://herpeslife.com/inventing-herpes/). I think if the first thing *I* saw when I went online was some of the photos I've seen I might run too. :( So I'm on a mission to change that ... and I'm already making some great contacts. Looks like I'll be part of a Podcast in early December with a Speed Dating organizer. I'm really excited about that. I'll pass on the info as soon as I get it :)

I've seen these statistics on several places here.. Over 25 million Americans 14-49 years old (16.2%) have genital herpes. and 80% of Americans with genital herpes don’t know they have it Is that 80% within the 16.2% or in addition to that number (ie, is the 16.2% only those diagnosed with HSV-2?) The info I had until I came out of the closet this week (having had this most of my life) is 80% have type 1 or 2 and 80% don't know they have it. I am going to be talking on a Podcast with a Speed Dating organizer on Herpes and STD's and I'm trying to get the most accurate up-to-date info possible... so all clarification would be great :)

First, I am not a doctor but I think your doctor was wrong to tell you the Herpes caused the miscarriage. I can't find anything anywhere that would support that opinion. I for one had TWO healthy pregnancies with Herpes. I know others who have as well. About 15% of recognized pregnancies will end in a miscarriage. You may have just been unlucky and become part of that statistic. Miscarriages usually occur because the fetus is not viable...there is something wrong that is out of your control. And that is what you have to understand ... it was not under your control/caused by something you did! Don't beat yourself up over it ... sounds like this was a blessing in disguise ... that guy was not a MAN ... and certainly not one you would want in your life as a father and life partner. Keep the faith that someone who will fully love and support YOU will come along when you are ready. (((HUGS)))

The problem is that most people *think* they have been tested but in actuality have not...so until they either get symptoms or do as you did and insist on the full gamut of tests (and not just HIV, Syphilis/gonorrhea which is the typical tests that you are offered) they can be out there passing this around. You could have had it and it was dormant until some stressor brought it out, or one of them could have given it to you. Your best bet is to get informed before you tell them. Tell them they need to be tested for EVERYTHING in the future and that you were in the 80% who did not know. Apologize for your ignorance (likely they are just as uninformed as you were at the time) but don't beat yourself up about it - but DO go out and make sure to let them know so they can get tested and do what they need to for their results. (((HUGS))) and good luck in your *H* journey...

Seems you got the perfect answer from each of them. #1 was a jerk and did you a favor by showing his colors. #2 ... well, those casual arrangements can get awkward over time... and you still have your friend as a friend. #3 and 4 are both winners ( I LOVE the kismet with the guy you are not interested in who was not in the least bothered...perhaps there is more to #3 than you realize! )

Thank you.... I have been working on being fully Authentic in my life for some time now... this was one one the last (and probably biggest) of the "lies" I have been living in order to conform with what is deemed "acceptable" in our society. It feels great to have done it and so far I have ONLY had positive responses ... Sometimes what looks like a lion in the shadows is really just a housecat with a light behind it... :)

I'm new here, but not new to Herpes. I've had it pretty much my whole life... HSV-1 since a very small child, HSV-2 since late teens. (If I could only get those odds when I bet I'd be rich!) Last Wednesday, after going through yet another "I had the talk and he did the walk" encounter, I decided to come out of the "Herpes Closet". I long felt that I was in a "closet" around this subject and it was pretty serendipitous that I kept seeing a link for a Ted Talk with Ash Beckham on my FB feed that week. (the link is below). Everything came to a head and I decided that I had to change the Herpes Information Paradigm. The following was what I wrote as my "Coming Out" open letter to my friends and anyone else who may want to read it... "Today, I am coming out of the closet. Yeah, you read that right. No, not THAT closet though.... as Ash Beckham said in this link http://www.upworthy.com/a-4-year-old-girl-asked-a-lesbian-if-shes-a-boy-she-responded-the-awesomest-way-possible "A closet is just a hard conversation that you need to have". MY closet is around the stigma associated with having Herpes. Yeah, I said it. And I don't give two shits any more who knows. Because I'm sick and tired of going into a new relationship, keeping my walls up until I feel the person is "safe" enough to take a chance with, but all the while knowing I have to have "the talk" with them at some point. Knowing that there is a really good chance they will walk away, even though I tell them that 80% of the population has Herpes and 80% OF THEM DON'T KNOW THEY HAVE IT. Even though I can take antivirals to reduce their risk. Even though, with the anti-virals, their risk of contracting Herpes from me is the same as their chance of dying in a car accident this year. Even though they have likely kissed/had sex with someone (or even more likely , more than one person) who has Herpes (who may or may not have known). Even though there is a REALLY GOOD CHANCE they have it themselves they walk away. And it hurts. A LOT. It just happened to me again. I met a guy who seemed to have all the qualities I might like in a partner...at least as far as one can tell so early in a relationship. He was handsome, hard working, soft hearted, took care of himself and was a lot of fun to be with. We had some really "real" conversations right from the start - the kind you don't have with just anyone. And in one of those conversations, came the subject of STD's. And I was honest and told him my status. Silence. Followed by a few questions (when it became apparent that he didn't know much about it except the huge stigma associated with it.) Followed by silence. And a few more questions. To give him credit we DID go out on a few dates but he kept telling me he was afraid he was not the man for me because he "would always be worried about it". *Sigh*. Another one bites the dust. So I am on a mission. To reduce the social stigma of Herpes and other STD's. To raise honest, REAL awareness of not only the risk factors, but also the real truth about living with them. You see, most of them are really an inconvenience. Only one (HIV) is a real "death sentence" nowadays and even then, with current treatments and medications, the life expectancy is 40+ years. Even with HPV (which pretty much EVERYONE gets at some point in their life) of the 100 strains, only 6 produce cancer...and those cancers are VERY treatable with early detection. And Herpes? Well, short of when you want to have a baby (when you have to take anti-virals and be cautious when giving birth so the baby doesn't get it) it really is just a nuisance... a pain in the ass (or nether regions!) for most of us. I'm not saying jump out there and get it on as much as you want without precautions. I'm just saying... if you meet someone who you feel you have a real connection with - someone who is worth getting to know on a deeper level - and they mention the "H" word, please... GET INFORMED. This article is actually the most "real" of any article I've seen so far in that it puts it all into perspective: http://markmanson.net/std-guide . One or two of the facts may not be 100% correct (by his own admission) but the point is clear... Herpes and the other STD's are not the plague ... really folks... And next time you go to your Dr, get THOROUGHLY tested. You see, when you go in, odds are you will only be tested for Syphilis, Gonorrhea, and HIV. You usually have to ask for the others. For herpes, ask for the PCR blood test. Oh, and if you get cold sores, you have Herpes. And YES, it is an STD ... unless you never kiss someone. Because it can get passed on through oral sex as well. So it you get those sores on your lips, welcome to the club! Just make sure you don't kiss/have oral sex in the future if you have any chance of having an outbreak please. I plan to start a group here on FB and hope to create a web page to help spread more understandable, REAL, common sense information so people can get properly informed about STD's. If you want to join me, support me, ask me questions, or whatever, please let me know! If you think I am a degenerate and you want to unfriend me, by all means, do. I really don't care any more. We are all adults here and it's time that we started having more of these "hard conversations". Hiding in our closets around things like this just adds to the mis-information, the fear, and the pain of dealing with something that, in this case, is sooooo much less of a big deal than people are making it out to be. If nothing else, perhaps we can get everyone to be tested and then the conversation will be about those who don't have it... because the Herpes/STD "club" is much, MUCH bigger than you think... Peace out...

Can't seem to get the photo thing to work :( But here is one of my favorites: "When you have come to the edge Of all light that you know And are about to drop off into the darkness Of the unknown, Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or You will be taught to fly”