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WCSDancer2010

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Everything posted by WCSDancer2010

  1. @TJU1984 Hello and Welcome! First, let me clear something up for you. I'm sorry that you didn't get an immediate reply but you have to realize 2 things. One is that this is a voluntary group and thus we all have other things happening ... I usually try to check in most days but I'm 1000 miles from home nursing my father through an operation and trying to get his house sold so he can move in with me. So while @Adrial and I and the other "regulars" try to check in, sometimes life just happens to get in the way. And (2) the others on here usually rely on the Moderators/regulars to answer things like this because they don't want to give the wrong answer. So while some may chime in for support, most just hope one of us will spot the post and answer it πŸ™‚ So I hope you will understand that this isn't personal and sometimes you have to be a little patient with us.... and if you don't get an answer within 48 hrs... THEN come and post a gentle reminder that you are still looking for answers or support. Ok??? So - about your fears and questions: Sounds like you got HSV1 from your hubby seeing as you got an oral and genital OB at the same time. And his having HSV1 orally likely isn't from him being a "man-whore" ... 60% of young people have HSV1 orally by the time they are young adults. I got HSV1 orally around age 3 or 4. Likely from some other kid in my playgroup. Sadly the CDC and Dr's and our High School Sex Ed classes have failed our society when it comes to comprehensive info on STD's. Especially Herpes. And more especially with the issue of the transmission of the "Cold Sore Virus" to a partner's genitals. So your hubby isn't at fault here.... the SYSTEM is. So - as for your kids: FOR THE MOMENT, do be careful and wash your hands if you touch your mouth or genitals as you are in the phase where you will shed more. On about 3-4 months hopefully the worse will be over and you won't be getting as many sores. And you will know what triggers you to have an outbreak better by then. In the long run, your kids will be quite safe as long as you don't kiss them with a cold sore and you are careful about washing hands if you touch the sore when you have one. I have both oral HSV1 and genital HSV2 (got it with my first sexual experience... GO ME!) and I had 2 daughters ... one born naturally and one born by c-section (the Dr's scared me into having it with my first) and neither ever got it from me and I never thought to take special precautions (back in the 80's we had no real info in it) I loved on them (except when I had an open cold sore) and bathed with them (water/soap kills the virus very quickly) and just was quite normal with them. What I know now is if they ever HAD got the "cold sores" as kids, likely it would have been from another kid..... So - try to not over-think this. Use common sense hygiene. And use common sense when you have an OB. And your kids will be just fine πŸ™‚ http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/ http://supporttruthanddialog.com/toilets-towels-and-touching-oh-my/ Handouts + disclosure e-book: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook Herpes facts video
  2. I see you've been here awhile ... so here's my take. I'm going to guess you have an ongoing depression issue going on. From everything you have said it seems that you were not happy with life before you got Herpes. Herpes has just ended up being "proof" that you are unlovable and "not beautiful" ...and honey, there isn't any truth in that belief. But you need help to find your self love so you can see your beautiful self and to get your confidence up. I would suggest that if you don't have a counselor already that you contact @Adrial (who is the owner of H Opp) who is an AMAZING coach. He can help you with your self worth issues AND your issues around herpes (HINT: you will likely spend a lot more time on the former than the latter. I've been to the H Opp weekends and we quickly discover that our issues with Herpes go back wayyy before you ever got it.... :) ). I'd suggest you do some one on one work with him (you can do it via Skype) and/or you can buy the Lifestyle Guides (I'll give you a code below for discounts to help you out) . Either way it's a LOT cheaper than therapy and IMO FAR more effective :) (((HUGS))) https://herpesopportunity.com/lifestyle-guides.html Guide #1 Self Care and Self Image: shows you how to not only feel better about yourself and your future, but shift into a empowered and realistic mindset. Guide #2 Dating and Relationships: is all about discovering how to make dating fun and free again (actually, even better than it was before H!). Guide #3 Having β€œThe Talk”: covers disclosing in a way that makes β€œthe talk” something that brings you closer together instead of being a dealbreaker. Guide #4 Sex and Intimacy: fulfills your desire to still have true, deep and profound connections (and shows you how). Coupon codes: P25 is for 25% off and P50 is for 50% off their entire order. Just put it in on the "coupon code" box in the shopping cart.
  3. Well it's *possible* that you have auto-innoculated those areas ... and it's possible it's something else. I'd get to a DR ASAP and get them swabbed ... we can't tell you what it is or what it may be (and neither can any Dr) without the swab... that's your best bet for a conclusive answer.
  4. Well, for one thing, the version you have happens to be the same thing as a cold sore but in a different area. The same thing that 80% of the population has orally, and that 60% of young people have before they are adults. So you can always ask how many of your friends have cold sores, and point out that you have learned that the cold sore virus is basically the same thing as the one that people get on the genitals... and that anyone who is into oral sex is taking a risk of getting or giving it genitally. And that 80% of people with herpes don't know they have it because it's not tested for even when you ask for a "Full" STD panel. You can always preface all this that you decided you should get educated about these things and that you learned a lot that they didn't tell you in High School Sex Ed. You can point them to Ella Dawsons' TED Talk because she's a recent college grad who is very open about her status so they can see that their perception is off regarding "who" gets herpes. http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/ella-dawson-herpes-ted-talk_uk_573989c5e4b0f0f53e3661a5?edition=uk
  5. I have been on a lot of forums and heard a lot and this is a new one to me.... I don't know ONE person who suddenly had major issues with constipation and certainly nothing about "toxic mega colon" ... That sounds like a name of a villian in a comic strip...
  6. @Akin Hello and welcoms! So here's the thing. 80% (yes, EIGHTY percent) of people with herpes (oral or genital) don't know they have it. So when you keep obsessing about why you didn't know, there's one simple reason: when you go for STD testing, they don't test for Herpes. But they don't tell you that either. So people *think* they are STD-free when a large portion of the public has HSV1 or 2 (even if they have it orally, they can pass it to the genitals, so IMO they should be tested and educated as well). Why didn't your ex catch it? Dumb luck. And/or he has a really good immune system. And you may not have been shedding much if at all at least until that first OB. How do you "explain" where it came from? Well, either you accept it and move on, or you start going backwards through the guys you have been with, asking them to get tested if they have not already. However, as you learned with the BF, they often tell you they did the test but if you have not seen the test you are accepting their word and many guys would rather not know if they have it if they don't have symptoms.... I urge you to let go of the self blame for "putting him at risk". You can't take the blame for something you didn't know about (and that you wouldn't have known that you were not tested for) and from the sound of it once he knew he still accepted it and just took common sense measures (condoms) to protect himself... (esp as you are not on full time suppressive meds and are having somewhat frequent OB's). Check this out... it may help you to get how easily we blame ourselves for things that are not our "fault" http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/ Handouts + disclosure e-book: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook Herpes facts video Shame
  7. Sometimes they don't totally "head up" ... so yes.... AND ...it could be an ingrown hair, folliculitis, or a general rash... :(
  8. @ ele3 First - there is no "right" time to disclose.... so you need to just figure out when it's right for YOU.....your mother, myself, @optimist ... none of us can tell you the perfect time.... every single relationship/situation is different even within the same person. So ... this is my opinion :) I agree with your Mom that the day of the party isn't the best time. You want to enjoy it and not put that stamp on the occasion. Now, whether you tell him before the party, or wait to see how things develop is up to you. Don't let your mother's advice make you think he will reject you. That wasn't what she was saying at all. YOU made that up in your head. That is your fears running the game. You need to tell them to go play somewhere else....because you can face this and deal with it whatever happens. As I just posted in the Inspirational Quotes discussion: Worry is just misuse of the imagination. .... you are getting into your head about what *might* happen. So how's about letting go of that, and just being with this guy, and trusting that YOU WILL KNOW with the time is right. It may be tonight when you are talking on the phone, or next week, or after the party when you have seen each other again and it's obvious that sex is on the table. The one thing I personally feel is that it should be done as close to "in person" as possible... so if you do it from a distance (before he comes over this time or after the party) I would *suggest* that you do Skype or whatever so you can see his face and he can see yours. That makes things a whole lot more personal and intimate and a lot less will be lost in translation. Have you disclosed before or is this your first time? Sorry if you have posted about disclosure before but I can't keep track of everyone :)
  9. @ luna1088 Unfortunately there is no way for us to know what is going on for you there.... are you going to a GP or an OBGYN? If it's a GP, you need to get thee to an OB.. IMO GP's shouldn't be looking down there beyond perhaps a cursory look perhaps to figure out if you have something obvious going on. People need to get that GP's are GENERAL Practitioners...ie, they do a *little* of everything. But when it comes to specific ongoing things... your Genitals, your Bowels, your Ears/Nose/Throat ... you should ALWAYS go to the Dr whose training is in THAT area... If it's an OB, ask for a swab next time you are super irritated just in case it picks anything up... they need to test for BV, Herpes, Yeast, and anything else that can cause the itching. If they all come back negative, you need to try the treatments for each SEPARATELY ... ie: do the antibiotic for the BV ... if that doesn't clear it up, do the meds for Yeast (and I'd try to avoid sugars during that time because yeast infections are often fed by high sugars in the body) ... if that doesn't work, ask for a short prescription of Herpes antiviral...they also have a topical option which may be useful to help to jump start knocking it back. In the meantime, I would do a lot of Epsom Salts baths...drop the salts between your legs (about a double handfull) and make sure the water gets into the folds where you are irritated. That will help to kill off almost anything for at least a short while and give you some relief while you figure out what the systemic issue is.
  10. Worry is just a misuse of Imagination :)
  11. @JB33 - Just remembered this article which may help you to put the risk into perspective http://m.jid.oxfordjournals.org/content/194/1/42.full Knowledge of Partners’ Genital Herpes Protects against Herpes Simplex Virus Type 2 Acquisition
  12. @hellohello Hello and Welcome! Honey, you are waaaay overstressing this thing! And that is likely making things worse when it comes to frequency of OB's. Dr Google is not the best place to get your info. So - it's a holiday weekend, and I'm going to try to keep this short, but to your fears: 1) Herpes is NOT in the saliva - it's spread from skin to skin contact. So please feel free to talk to and laugh with your family during an OB. 2) Has your wife been tested for HSV1? Odds are she hasn't. I'd get her tested because there's an 80% chance she has it anyway and doesn't know it... because 80% of people with H don't know they have it. 3) With as long as you have had H, you can't spread it to other parts of your body - you now have the antibodies to it to protect you. Auto-inoculation is only an issue during the first few months after you get H and even then only a very small number of people manage to accomplish spreading it elsewhere. Besides, soap kills H very quickly. So feel free to wash your face as much as you want and eat with your hands as much as you want. Herpes dies very quickly outside of the body anyway.... so even if you get it on your hands odds are it will be dead in minutes. I'd only take extra caution when you have an OB to wash hands more simply so you don't get it in the nail beds which is the only thing I'd see as a potential issue. Even then it's rare. 4) As far as you worrying about your kids: 60% of young people have oral HSV1 by the time they are young adults and most likely get it either from another kid or a doting Auntie who kissed them when she had an OB. The odds of you passing it to them (given that you know better than to do anything with an OB and that you need to practice good NORMAL hygiene like hand washing) is next to nil. I have 2 grown daughters who are HSV- even though have had BOTH kinds all their lives (I got H1 as a kid as well) and I never even thought to do anything more than just not kiss them when I had an OB. 5) Please KISS your wife and stop holding back. Odds are if she has not got it orally by now (from you or anyone she dated in the past) she won't get it now as long as you don't kiss her with an OB. You need to be more cautious around oral sex but that is something you need to work up to at this point. I'd rather see you at least be calmer around everything else first and then we can discuss oral sex with you more. This blog may help you a bit :) (((HUGS))) http://supporttruthanddialog.com/toilets-towels-and-touching-oh-my/
  13. @LLL Hello and welcome! So you were diagnosed with gHSV1 by swab or blood test? It's really unusual to get genital H1 when you already have it orally. As for controlling it, I'm going to put some links below for you and info.... trying to get off here as it's the holiday weekend so I'll try to come back and answer any questions you have later :) (((HUGS))) I suggest you keep a journal of what you are eating, activities, stressors, etc ... see if you can see a pattern for what makes it worse. I often say that Herpes is like a "first responder" to the health of your body ... although in the first few months, it's often just that your body needs time to figure out how to get it under control. Second - attack it from the outside ... I'm going to put a bunch of links but generally Epsom Salts baths (drop a double handful of the salts between your legs so its concentrated there), followed by thorough drying (even using a hair drier to get it really dry), maybe going commando, and using Bactine (which helps to kill the virus AND numb it thanks to the lidocaine in it) ... or my favorite, Ammonium Alum ... but there's LOTS of suggestions in the links. I find if you attack it from the outside, the inside can do it's job better :) http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6024/dealing-with-outbreaks#latest includes links below http://supporttruthanddialog.com/easy-simple-self-help-tips-for-relief-from-herpes-outbreaks/ http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/4810/bactine-for-oral-and-even-genital-herpes https://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/7595/bactine-wipes-and-some-motivational-quotes http://herpeslife.com/herpes-treatment/#more-2122 http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1802/going-the-natural-route http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1624/herpes-medication-genital-hsv-1-how-to-keep-herpes-outbreaks-clean-dry#Item_22 My discussion amonium Alum) http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1496/bathroom-time- http://herpeslife.com/herpes-treatment/ http://herpeslife.com/herpes-medication/ http://www.cdc.gov/std/treatment/2010/genital-ulcers.htm#hsv Links to some of the items suggested in the links http://amzn.to/1CHUzZE Link to Alum http://tinyurl.com/Aloecream http://amzn.to/1F10r3V Fractionated Coconut Oil http://bit.ly/zincsoap Zinc Soap with coconut oil http://bit.ly/Zinccream http://bit.ly/Calendula_Salve http://tinyurl.com/bactine http://amzn.to/1oUDY2n Chaga Mushroom http://tinyurl.com/Oragelsgldose http://tinyurl.com/DMSO4HSV
  14. But I was in a panic last night. Agreeing to go back to his place - do I tell him now? As we were walking back to his place - how about now? Kissing in his bedroom ? Now?? Luckily (sort of, I wanted to get laid) my period saved me in a way. If I hear from him maybe I will tell him before we meet up to avoid telling him in person. I hope also that he does not get freaked out I had oral sex with him because it shouldn't spread that way - https://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/399/how-to-be-intimate-without-passing-herpes-to-my-partner-how-do-i-do-this . As you can see from my and @hippyherpy 's replies above, there is no "right" time to disclose. You need to look at both of our POV and work out what is best and right for YOU. :) If he freaks about the fact that you had oral with him (if you hear from him and disclose), just point him to the discussion so he can see for himself what the facts are :)
  15. ^the girls I know who disclosed successfully with me before I got my herp did it right before sex. The idea is that you aren't assuming that sex is on until it's immanent. This is something you mention as last minute thing because it isn't really a big deal. If they want to expand it and discuss more, you can do that, but I don't see any reason to make it a bigger ceremony/deal than it has to be. This is the one thing I'm not crazy about as far as disclosure with hook-ups.... because if you disclose when sex is imminent/last minute, odds are a number of people will have the hormones/alcohol/drug of choice speaking and often they will have sex and then spend the next 4 months freaking out until they can get a definite STD test. (I have coached several of them here in the past) Sure, many are fine with it and I know they come back for more with you @hippyherpy, but in *my* world there's more integrity in discussing things before the clothes come off or the alcohol/whatever is consumed and *preferably* before things get *too* hot. Because then the person can make a (mostly!) rational and clearheaded *choice* and will be less likely to freak out later if they choose to have sex. Some still will freak out but the odds are at least a lot lower. I say this because I've had sex more than once where I know if someone had thrown me the curve ball of a disclosure when things were well heated up I likely would have gone forward and then wondered if the risk was worth it later. Not to say that I might not have had sex with them, but I know that my reaction afterwards would have been a LOT different. I'm not judging you but I do feel that I need to keep putting this perspective out there for new people so they can come up with their own way to deal with this that will be sure that they are comfortable with the issue of what defines *their* integrity around this subject.
  16. He didn't seem that into me this morning, I had to ask him for his #, he didn't ask me. Uh - honey - while I know that you weren't looking for anything permanent, this outcome is telling you he REALLY wasn't into YOU at all... perhaps it was the alcohol talking the evening before but if he didn't ask for your number.... HE'S NOT INTERESTED. If you were just looking to get laid, why did you need to ask for his number? I may be wrong here but I'm guessing you were hoping for at least a *little* something more than a quick hook-up....in which case if you had sex and then he didn't ask for your number, don't you think it would have been more upsetting? Listen to your H Wingman.... you may have dodged a bullet with this one .... don't let it "mean" anything ... you took one step towards becoming more comfortable with your status. And that's a good thing. But that guy wasn't meant to be in your life. Do like a dog would...kick dirt over that shit and move on....LOL
  17. Ok - so think of it this way... **I assume your GF drives a car **and I assume if that is correct, she may occasionally drive you somewhere **And you BOTH know there is ALWAYS a risk of a car accident no matter how carefully she drives **But you would ride with her anyway, right? Do you obsess day and night that you might be injured/killed every time she drives you somewhere? I doubt it. **Why is the possibility of passing on H any different? At least it won't kill you!!! I know that may seem a little flip - but the things is, a life WELL LIVED assumes risk. I just went hiking/rock scrambling yesterday. Anyone who does that knows there is a risk that you can slip and fall and be badly hurt. But damn was it FUN! And I just made sure I had a 3 point contact as much as possible (ie. using all the precautions for safety) and with this kind of hiking we don't even wear helmets even though there's a *small* risk of at least getting a concussion if you fall. So - it's time that you look at the risk vs *potential* reward for going forward. As in, yes, you *might* break up and you *might* get H from her. But how much of your life are you willing to not live based on *mights*?? As for the meds, I have never heard of kidney cancer or seizures from it and if she is concerned about kidney function she can request a yearly blood test to monitor that. So I would ask her if you can both go to PP to discuss it with them while you get your test. While you are there, ask them about the risks of the meds. Hopefully they can put her mind to rest about them. Condoms of course will only protect you if the area she gets the OB's in is covered by them... you can do other things like have sex in a position that has less contact with the area at least until she gets the OB's more under control (ie, if she gets it more in the front area then scissors or doggie style would give you less contact with the area...). You may want to look into the female condom too which covers more area and *supposedly* gives you both plenty of feeling/friction. You can see them here :) http://tinyurl.com/FC2-condom (((HUGS)))
  18. Yes we have had oral genital sex in the past. I'm just afraid that the tests has missed an HSV2 infection. I also have taken tests for all other STDs and have come up negative so far at 12 weeks. At this point if all the tests have come back negative for HSV2, then ACCEPT THAT. The regular tests look for 1 or 2 proteins associated with the antibodies for Herpes. Western Blot looks for 16 I believe... so the odds are pretty damned high that if you got a negative for HSV2 (ie, not even "inconclusive) then YOU ARE HSV2- ... And while you need to clean up the issues around the affair, the odds are reasonable that you could have got it from your wife too. HSV1 sheds from the mouth region about 3x more than it does in the genital region so YOU have been at risk the whole time you have been with her...BOTH of you need to understand that part... given you shed less than she does AND she has the antibodies, her risks are pretty low as long as you are smart around not doing anything genitally if you have concerns that you are having an OB... but you can still have a great time with oral as she can't get "more" of it from you that way. At this point, I would focus on doing what you need to to repair the marriage. The longer you keep acting distant (because you have been working on getting all the tests done) the more SHE is going to start looking at why she is still there. Time to make your plan of action and just bite the bullet friend. And I truly hope you can work through this.... honestly, things like this *can* make the marriage stronger. But the marriage has to be WORTH it to both of you to want to do the work to get through the painful stuff that unfortunately will be part of the process. (((HUGS)))
  19. @JB33 Hello and Welcome! First - I totally appreciate that you came here to get informed. Unfortunately the general public are terribly uninformed/misinformed about Herpes. So here's the deal. 15-20% of people have HSV2. (Higher numbers as we get older - especially for single women and certain ethnic groups). 80% of them DON'T KNOW THEY HAVE IT So odds are you have been exposed to it unwittingly unless you go skipping hand in hand with your new love to get STD tested every time you start a relationship .. even then you usually have to ASK for the H test because it's not included in the standard STD panels *even if you ask for a "Full" STD panel*. I've dated several guys longer term (2 for 3 years each) and neither got it. I took the meds for one, and not for the other (by mutual agreement). The meds are not generally a problem as long as you don't have pre-existing issues with your liver/kidneys. You may want to have her come on here to talk to people who have taken the meds to get a better idea of the realities. They don't work for everyone and some people just don't like the minor side effects (most don't have any side effects at all). The thing is, there will ALWAYS be a risk with entering a new relationship unless you see their STD test... some won't have had the test (and will think they have), some won't know they are asymptomatic carriers, and some won't tell you for fear you will reject them (some Dr's tell people they don't have to tell if they are not having an outbreak, which is really unethical IMO). So if she's worth it, I'd say keep getting educated, get her on here, and just take your time getting sexual until you are sure you are both ready. BTW, if you don't already have HSV1, odds are you could get it genitally as well from oral sex - 80% of people have it orally and don't know they can pass it on that way. So if this girl is worth the risk, then you will know it... πŸ™‚ These links may help you to understand herpes more πŸ™‚ http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/ Handouts + disclosure e-book: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook Herpes facts video
  20. No news isn't necessarily bad news... it's just no news :) We're rooting for both of you over here :)
  21. LOL - if everyone with H couldn't give blood or couldn't go in the military/police/medical world (the 3 biggest fears I see on here) we would all be up shit creek without a paddle because only 20% of the population (if you include HSV1) would be eligible for any of those options. :)
  22. I would do the Western Blot then as .91 is still a borderline positive in my book given the 5.3. Westover Heights can help you with that. And I get the freezing off the warts - but at some point they will stop, disappear, and odds are never rear their ugly little heads again. I got them from my second sexual partner (and I got HSV2 from my first ... yeah... and people wonder why I don't gamble...LOL) Got them frozen off a couple times and haven't seen them since. What pissed me off about that one was the guy was taking meds for them when we were having sex and he never told me.... *I* found the pills on his dresser one day after it was too late :(
  23. @Katidid .500 ??? Usually we start at 1.9 as a positive - 3.5 for anyone who is asymptomatic. So if somehow your results are playing with a different decimal point (not sure why) a 5.0 is a standard/common value. Going on the way I usually see values presented though, I've seen many that are WELL over 11.00
  24. @dreamer Hello and Welcome! Ok - you need a little Herpes Education 101 (the education that your Dr should have given you....) It frustrates the crap out of me that Dr's don't educate people so that you don't accuse people of things without understanding the full facts...not to say you didn't get it from the BF - but as you will see below, odds are VERY strong that he truly didn't know he could pass this to you. 1) HSV1 is the SAME strain as the COLD SORE. So odds are you got it from ORAL sex.... 2) 80% of people with HSV1 (oral or genital) have NO IDEA that they have it 3) Even those who have it orally and know it often don't know they can pass it to the genitals. Many had outbreaks (OB's) as a kid but hardly any as an adult and don't think about it any more. 4) Herpes (oral or genital) can pass asymptomatically... so that 80% who have no idea are basically ticking time bombs in a way. This also means that you could have got it from 8 of the 10 guys on those 2 hands that you were with. 5) When you ask for a "FULL STD Panel" - odds are Herpes wasn't included unless you *specifically* ask for it. Yup. Thank the CDC for that idiocy. They recommend we are not tested unless we have symptoms. But no one bothers to tell you that you are not being tested. They feel that the stress of being diagnosed as positive for those without symptoms is worse than not knowing. While we would beg to differ with them (and hope to eventually get that changed) it is what it is right now. 6) I'm going to guess that your Dr is a GP and not an OBGYN... If I am right, PLEASE get to either an OB or Planned Parenthood for future advice on ANYTHING to do with your lady bits. A GP is a GENERAL practitioner. Which means they know a *little* bit about everything.... but they are often not up-to-date on the latest info. 7) You need to get blood tested if you want to know if you just got it or not. If your test comes back positive then odds are you had this *at least* 4 months... and while you may have still got it from him, you just plain wouldn't be able to point the finger at any one person. If it comes back positive then you could educate him that odds are he has HSV1 ORALLY and needs to be aware that if he has anything going on there he needs to avoid oral sex, and he also needs to just be cautious about oral sex in the future as he's shown that he IS shedding in that area at least part of the time. 😎 You say "In my life (I'm over 40), I've played it safe. I have had less than 2 hands worth of sexual partners. I don't sleep around, and especially not with just anyone... (I've had just ONE sexual partner in over 2 years. Him.) So the last thing I EVER expected was to get an STD. How naive is that at my age? Hate to say this but this is pretty typical because sadly sex education not only sucks for our young people, it sucks for the older generations too. 😎 Fact of the matter ...Latest info says: Something like 50% of all women who are not in monogamous relationships will have Genital herpes (one or other type) by 50 yrs old. AND ANYONE who is sexually active will get *at least* one type of HPV (the other "common" STD) in their lifetime Point of all this being: If you are sexually active, even with condoms, there's a pretty good chance you will get HSV or HPV or both. It's just a fact of life. The medical community "accepts" that but because (for most of the population) neither causes a huge issue (cervical cancer *would* be knocked out if all women got regular pap smears) they just kinda ignore it. If they EDUCATED us better, then the shock and stigma wouldn't be 1/10th what it is. AND perhaps people would at least be a *little* more careful about using condoms. Sure, they don't keep you 100% safe, but it's better than nothing πŸ™‚ Now, as for dating. I'm 55. I've had HSV2 genitally since I was 17 (FIRST sexual experience....go ME!). I've been married, got diagnosed after I gave it to my ex (because my "rash" was misdiagnosed many times). Still stayed married over 20 yrs and parted amicably for other reasons. Had 2 beautiful daughters. Post divorce had two 3 yr relationships who knew I had H. Have had many "near misses" in dating (ie, got close, started having sex with disclosure, but things didn't develop for other reasons). I even put my status on all my dating profiles for awhile and had many men contact me and THANK me for my transparency and most wanted to get to know me better. Oh - and I'm - er - CURVY. So all your worries about your age/body image/etc are unfounded. I can strike every insecurity off because I've been there and done it ALL in the last 35 yrs. πŸ™‚ Finally - I say that Herpes is a great Wingman. By which I mean it shows you (or makes you admit to yourself) the truth about other people. If they love you unconditionally or (in the case of newer relationships) if they are open minded to becoming educated, they won't be put off by you having H. A *few* will turn you down because they are afraid of getting it but the reality is that in our dating age group at least half the women will already have it and that number of course keeps going up as we get older. These links will hopefully help you to get a good reality check on your situation. Beyond that, it's just going to take time for you to adjust to your "new reality". But I promise, this is NOT the end of the world and you WILL get through it πŸ™‚ (((HUGS))) http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/ Handouts + disclosure e-book: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook http://supporttruthanddialog.com/using-herpes-as-your-wingman/ http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6070/it-gets-better great tips for newbies http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2886/herpes-yoga-and-self-love Herpes facts video
  25. While I don't think these are one night stands, I have collected these over time ... perhaps they will at least give you *some* comfort for the longer term.... :) http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3439/tonight-is-my-night NSgreenville (male) (READ TO THE END!!) https://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/7145/i-plan-to-disclose-but-the-fact-is-heavy-on-me-any-success-stories-to-share Male success story 19 yrs http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3983/successful-disclosure-male-to-female xrcb 8/12 male to female rainyfeather http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6239/10-years-of-herpes-chats-male-experience http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/4879/when-to-disclose male to female success http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/5369/well-that-was-a-mess-but-success Male to female https://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/7493/an-extended-nyc-herpes-disclosure-experience male to female https://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/7530/33m-here-second-disclosure-second-success-feeling-well-normal Male to femal
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