WCSDancer2010

Life is a sexually transmitted condition and there is a 100% mortality rate.

@smalltown Hello and Welcome! I'm a 55 yr old Grandma who has had HSV1 oral since childhood and HSV2 genital since my first sexual experience. I have had 2 daughters - now ages 26 and 30. First was born by Cesarean simply because the Dr scared me into it (they convinced me to have a planned c-section without giving me a chance to go to labor and see what my status was). I got educated for my second, pitched a fit and got a new Dr, and had her naturally. I never treated them any differently than I would have without H. I had baths with them, shared towels (of course, not if I wiped my lady bits but I wouldn't have any way), kissed them plenty (just not with a cold sore present) and I now have a 5 yr old granddaughter who is also H-. Nowadays the Dr's usually suggest you go on Valtrex for the last month and they will monitor you for lesions. If you are lesion free when you go into labor you should be fine. If not, you may be told that a Cesarean is your best bet for the child's safety. Day to day - just use normal, common sense hygiene and your baby should have a happy, healthy, H- childhood!

Can you post the values on the 3 tests please? That will help us to see if we can explain the discrepancy in the tests ... short explanation may be that if you were under 3.5 with no symptoms that you had a false positive the first time around As for cancer and genital warts - that one doesn't turn into cancer - it's a nuisance version of HPV ... that said, the CDC says anyone who is sexually active will get at least 1 type of HPV.... and out of the 40 or so types only 2 of them are cancer producing. So try not to over-obsess about the cancer issue. It takes at least 5 yrs for that type to turn cancerous so if you stay on top of things with regular pap smears you should catch it early and they zap it and it's gone....

^Those are good points. I think it's interesting that now we live in a time when there is a lot of emphasis placed on the importance of the experience of hanging out with someone (the "getting into") instead of the "you" part (like what you describe). For many people, relationships are just a thrill ride of sorts, or a form of an entertainment, like watching a movie but being part of it. We live in a time when the things that used to hold relationships together are starting to slide or lose their meaning. That said, it's more of a reason not to take rejections personally. It's not that they are rejecting "you" per se, but the experience that you might be offering them or that they are having. You are just the person who takes the admission ticket at the gate to the rollercoaster- the messenger. If you want to get more riders, then you can change the roller coaster. Herpes is another part of that ride now. That's why I say it's good to maximize any other aspects of who you are, or to at least clean up any loose ends to your presentation that might have been neglected before. Give the other person the clearest picture possible of who you are. Make it as easy as possible for them to get your vibe. OMG - @hippyherpy ... That was the BEST thing you have ever posted on here... Thank you for that.... it is SOOOO on point!

@aep001 Here's how I look at your "unsuccessful" disclosure. I think it was a HUGE success. First - you did it. Like most things in life, the first time is the hardest. So - pat yourself on the back. You did it. You stayed in your integrity. It just didn't end the way you wanted it to. Second... I tell women this, but it generally applies to men too: Odds are she was more interested in getting INTO you than getting into YOU. And at 3 dates, disclosure can go either way...the other person isn't invested in you or the relationship. Their hormones are raging but their head may not be in the equation until you disclose at which time if they are not into YOU... if they don't realize what an AMAZING, WONDERFUL potential partner you are, they may well ditch. I'm slowly learning that if I want a "longer term" relationship (ie, not a one night stand) that having sex early is a double edged sword. My desires may be dealt with at the moment, but I have often had sex *knowing* in the back of my mind that odds are this person isn't right for me, or the tables are reversed and *they* suddenly realize they don't see a LTR with me. And then it gets messy and someone gets hurt. Now, I know you are looking to "rebound". I beg you - don't. It's really not fair to do that to a woman when you are still raw and likely going to get in it, then realize you are not ready, and then bolt. Take it from someone who has been the "rebound chick" ... twice. IT SUCKS. They both went from crazy about me to disappearing when their reality kicked their ass and they found themselves still not complete about the past relationship. Fucking someone won't get you over your ex. Promise. You need to work on letting go of how you believe things "should" be. She's moved on... and it's up to you to move on as well. Read the Success Stories on here ... not just HH, but the ones who were like you, who were picking the wrong partners, and who will say they realize now that THEY were PICKING the wrong person before and H has helped them to make better choices so that they find love like they never knew was possible .... I think you need to see the perspectives of people who have found success finding RELATIONSHIPS with H as well... and not just one night stands. (((HUGS)))

I'm curious about the stats on thus forum membership. Shouldn't a place like this have many more members if herpes was such a common and debilitating virus? Wouldn't there be many more Ella Dawsons jumping in the herpes as identity politics bandwagon? Or do we represent the worst of the worst with regards to symptoms? I haven't had bad symptoms yet, but some people on here give horror stories. 1) 80% of people with H don't know they have it...so why would they be here. 2) Out of the 20% who know they have H, there is a HUGE difference in experiences. Some got diagnosed and have never had an OB. While some have ongoing and unrelenting symptoms. 3) Whether they have no symptoms or "bad" symptoms, HOW they experience things is a very individual thing. So someone with no symptoms may be totally freaked out while someone with "bad" symptoms may just look up "How do I deal with Herpes", get lots of info, and go on a self-led journey. 4) And to be honest, many get some kind of info from their Dr, go home, just accept their fate (in a positive OR negative way) and never look for outside help often because of the misconception that they are alone in this, or they deserved it, or whatever. 5) Last time I talked to @Adrial about this, which was last year I think, we were getting over 50 THOUSAND hits here EVERY MONTH. So we DO reach a LOT of people. The vast majority never post and just lurk. I expect that number is larger now but that's the last number *I* have. 6) We are not the only resource/forum out there. Our style isn't for everyone. So people will go where they find the information and support that works for them. This is the problem with "statistics" ... if you only know one part of the equation, it's easy to make assumptions. We will never know how far our reach is because people may print out the handouts and give them to a friend who just got diagnosed, or to a potential partner and they may never come here. What I DO know is that this site has one of the largest impacts of any info/support group out there. As for more "Ella Dawsons"? Well, there ARE a number of us out there. Most of us are not *quite* as public as she is and she is only that public because she was kinda forced there by a single article that she wrote and that she didn't realize would make such a huge impact on her as well as the H community. It certainly wasn't her intention to go screaming into the limelight that fast :)

Lymph glands rarely go down that fast on their own so I'd say the antibiotic did the job... So do you do WCS? I met someone else on here who is a dancer too and another person who is a dancer when I came out on FB who also runs H support groups... I love how my world intertwines .... just shows how you wouldn't know who around you has H if you don't discuss it openly... :)

it's equally the responsibility of the "other" person to ask....after all, its a shared partership even if for a one night stand. It's all very tricky anyway...... the "other" person may even have it and not know all the while they are asking if you are STD free...or they knowingly have cold sores and don't give that a second thought! Really, it's a small wonder it's not 1 out of every 2 people have this. Totally agree that it's a 2 way thing but sadly *we* are the ones in the know. We were likely "that person" on the other side that should have asked the other person about their status. (I know *I* was! LOL ) Because we are here, discussing this, getting educated, we now know better. So *more* of the burden, IMO, is on us to start the conversation... both because we know AND because we need to know how educated they are and whether THEY are a risk for *us* to get involved with. I briefly dated a guy who just could not get in his head that he couldn't "tell" if a person carried an STD.... he was convinced he would "know" by how they acted, or that he would see/smell something that would tell him they were not "safe". The concept of silent carriers (of HPV/Herpes/Aids/etc) just wouldn't enter his head. We parted before things got too sexual but I wouldn't have got into a relationship with him without him getting a test simply because I felt that odds were he had likely been exposed to at least 1 STD along the way....LOL

I descovered he had stolen all my money and was a gambling addict. I want so desperately to meet some who I trust enough to disclose to. But I can't, and I won't because I'm absolutely madly in love with my ex who has now blocked my number, still hasn't paid me back and is playing happy families with his new girlfriend. So - sounds like you have a kind of co-dependent link to him... in which case I strongly suggest you get in some therapy... or even better work with our amazing @Adrial and/or purchase the Lifestyle guides. They are designed to help you to work through everything you have been dealing with this last year or so..... I'd guess that you would do best to do the guides and have a few Skype consults with Adrial .... your friends don't know what to say, or how to help. That's why a professional like Adrial is often the best route....because he'll know what to say and how to say it to help you get to the bottom of why you are still attached to a guy who is a thief, a liar, and a general jerk. If you want to try the Guides, you can use these codes to reduce your cost: P25 is for 25% off each single guide or P50 is for 50% off if you buy them all. Just put it in on the "coupon code" box in the shopping cart. And if it wasn't for H I know I'd have had a rebound to help me move on. Nope Nope Nope. If anything, it's likely better you didn't play the rebound game. I've been on the other side of that (TWICE) and it SUCKS to be the Rebound Chick. AND, that's often when we make REALLY bad choices with regards to partners.... so like it or not you are probably better for not having gone there. I'm trying desperately to accept that I'm alone and contemplating living alone/ not having children/ my dream life never really becoming a reality. I know that this isn't completely a herpes related problem. But it sure feels lonely out here... With no one who wants to be close to me and no one I trust to be close to. The thought of always feeling like this is very frightening. @Stillmebutwiser hit the nail on the head Girl, the dream is still there. It didn't go anyplace. The roadblock is yourself. Start rediscovering YOU! The roadblock is yourself. Couldn't have said it better myself. AND, I feel your pain. Went through a breakup like this myself. Took me well over a year to begin to pull out of it. AND, I've come out of it FAR stronger than I ever was. I attribute a lot of that to discovering West Coast Swing dance and throwing myself into that, and taking myself all over to pursue it. In doing that I found ME. And I really like ME now! I know who I am and I'm actually really comfortable alone now (which hasn't always been how things are for me). Right now you are not in a place to meet a man. I agree with the others. Join Meetup.com and find something to do that brings you joy. Just go have fun. Meet people. Find your passion. Put the asshat behind you and fall in love with YOURSELF... and odds are when you do that, Mr Wonderful will appear.... right now he's not able to see you because you are under a cloud of despair and sadness. Summer is upon us - get out and seize life! What are your passions? What brings you joy????

I can't say it will "protect" him but coconut oil is one of the better options for lube anyway and if anything it might help with the virus issues.... antivirals will cut the risk by 50% ...

@Phoenix Hello and Welcome! Sadly, there's no way to know if you already had it orally ... but usually once you have it in one place, it's less likely you will get it somewhere else because you already have the antibodies to protect you. So given you never had an outbreak on your mouth, I would say assume you didn't have it, but be careful about any oral encounters if you have any kind of sores/blisters/pimples right on the edge of the lip (where H usually shows up)... I have H1 orally and H2 genitally and I don't use protection when giving oral. 80% of the population has HSV1 orally so anyone who kisses or has oral sex on a regular basis has likely been exposed to it one way or the other plenty of times. http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/ Handouts + disclosure e-book: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook Herpes facts video

@Notsure88 Hello and Welcome! So - some points and facts: If you didn't have any outbreaks your Dr should not have done a culture, he should have done a BLOOD TEST immediately. If you were HSV+ then, odds are it would have been you that was the initial carrier. But the culture with no OB was a totally useless waste of time. Your first mistake was going to a PCP because they often don't know the protocol on these things and make really bad calls and advice. Take my advice: NEVER go to a GP/PCP for things where there are specialists. There's too much info out there nowadays for a GP to be on top of it all. Go to them for vaccines, regular infections and colds, health checks, etc. Go to the specialists for anything else - ESPECIALLY your lady bits! To be honest it looks to me with his numbers that he already had it - a result of 11.3 for HSV2 is pretty high for 6 weeks post exposure. HSV1 he could have had since he was a kid... 40% of young people have HSV1 orally (ie, cold sores) by the time they are young adults and 80% of the population has it by age 50. If you already had H, you would test IgG positive now. If you come back negative now that answers his question. So I would test now. If you are borderline or negative now retest in a couple months so you know if you got it from him. You can go to Planned Parenthood for the test to get it done quickly - just tell them you were exposed to someone with it and you want to know if he got it from you. If you have a friendly OBGYN though, I'd go there just so you have the support you need while you navigate this 🙂 BTW, he may well be being honest with regards to the fact that it sounds like he isn't getting great info either.... so I'd send him the info below so he understands the facts a bit better 🙂 (((HUGS))) http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/ Handouts + disclosure e-book: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook Herpes facts video

@Kat12 Hello and Welcome! I agree it sounds like a lot of coincidence that perhaps you noticed more because of your stressing about Herpes. The fact that the shot got the lymph glands to go down makes it sound like you had something bacterial going on... viruses won't respond to antibiotics... But re-test around 4 months post exposure ... just to be sure. AND... *IF* you have herpes, it's not the end of the world! Take if from a 35 yr veteran :) (((HUGS)))

And again, fractionated coconut oil won't stain sheets like the stuff you get in the grocery store- but I wouldn't use it for cooking... And @optimist is right about condoms ... but at least this is good if you aren't using condoms... being well lubed helps to keep you from getting micro-tears that might cause an outbreak and it's got anti-viral properties.

@hippyherpy You said It's interesting because the smaller the percent brings disclosure and non-disclosure closer together for the one night stand. At zero percent risk they do come together. That sounds a lot to me like you are still looking for a reason to not disclose. Again, IMO, if you have the HPV strains for genital warts or cancer, you should disclose ... at least if you are within the 2 yr post "all clear" point when (as *I* understand it) it's safe to consider that it's either gone dormant or disappeared (last I checked there are are still conflicting info on this). As for the other 36 strains - they seem to be harmless AND only we women will know that we have them ... you guys get off the hook on all the HPV except warts as far as knowing what you have (unless you get it in your throat... but that seems to be later in life and they don't seem to think it's important enough to swab you guys for it). So not sure what good it would do to disclose about them. Herpes doesn't affect most people badly... but it DOES affect a small amount of the population and a small number of those people get some pretty rough symptoms. THAT is why we disclose.... for the (my guesstimate) 1% of the population that bets the nerve pain, constant OB's, or other longer term symptoms. We don't know which partner may get symptoms like that. Or if they will get any at all. If you had had a really rough ride with this I bet your POV would be different. But you guys mostly don't get it that bad and the few who do still don't have the kind of folds and areas we have (unless, perhaps, you are uncircumcised) to create the immensely painful sores we women can get. I got a bad OB once when I was planning the last weeks of my wedding. Had to sit on a plane for a few hours. You have NO IDEA of the pain of having a crusted over scab sticking to your underwear and rubbing every time you move. Back then I didn't have access to Valtrex. I was hardly able to move for a week without wanting to cry. THAT is why I'm so adamant about disclosure. I got H on my first sexual experience and in THAT instance, if I had known that guy had H, I probably wouldn't have had sex with him because I really did it to get it over with and see what it was like. Now, knowing what I know now, I would proceed with caution with a partner.... use condoms and such... and for *me*, I can only enjoy sex with someone I see some kind of longer term relationship with...so disclosure would make me really look at whether I saw any kind of long or even short term future with the person. Yes - we are here to discuss things but one thing that we are adamant about is our POV that people should disclose about Herpes. If you want to discuss whether people should disclose about HPV perhaps you should join a forum for that and put in your 10 cents worth..... And I think it's a great thing that people who like the casual sex lifestyle can see that you CAN still find plenty of partners with disclosure. So I appreciate what you bring to us with regards to that discussion. We are not going to change our stance on disclosure here, no matter what stats you come up with. We can't TELL you what to do... but we don't want people to start looking for every excuse to not disclose.... there's a thing called INTEGRITY and we value that here. For that 1% who, like myself, *might* have a tough start with H. Let me get this straight, if I have sex 365 days out of the year, don't take meds or use condoms, then about 36 of those days I will give my partner herpes? And these are the days that I don't have symptoms? Again... there's no way to know YOUR shedding rates... and the 10% for women is our RISK .. **Shedding Rates for GHSV2** are 15-30% of the time ... which can be for 1 hr or sustained for days at a time. Rough sex, illness, certain foods, stress, etc can take you from hardly shedding at all to shedding a whole lot for days or weeks at a time. And those are likely the days you don't have symptoms. The CDC says *most people* get HSV from someone who doesn't have symptoms and likely doesn't even know they have H. So to answer your question - it's not that you WILL give your partner H 36 days of the year ... but 15-30% OF THE TIME there's a **higher risk** of you shedding enough to POTENTIALLY pass it to your partner. And again, go read the Dr Leone link ... none of the Dr's that I know who are specialists in the H world support any kind of "per act" stats ... because, as @janedoe said, YOU don't know when you might be shedding heavily asymptomatically ... and stats are only useful in this kind of thing (ie: per act) if you can exactly replicate the data. Because of the variability of the issues of shedding, micro-tears, the other person's immune issues, etc, you CAN'T go on a per-act stat.

I'm glad to see my cad ways having some mathematical resonance. Correct me if I'm wrong, but the takeaway here is that compared to Adrial's handout, the risk of giving it to your long term girlfriend over the course of the year is higher (like almost 4% instead of 2%) and the risk of giving it to a one night stand girl is much smaller (.03 % compared to 2%)? It's interesting because the smaller the percent brings disclosure and non-disclosure closer together for the one night stand. At zero percent risk they do come together. Two things: @aep001 suggested that if you want to talk about a "per sex act" number on things to say "less than 1% chance"... HOWEVER - if you are having sex with different women over the course of weeks or months, your risk factor is by all rights, INCREASING that *someone* will be the "unlucky one".... in which case *IF* you happened to give it to someone after sugar coating things with the "less than 1%" concept, there's a good chance she will come back and rip you a new asshole (if not worse) if she sees that the risk to her starts at 10% (before condoms and meds). My point is: PLEASE STOP looking for excuses to not disclose by trying to find a low enough number to justify not telling. Once again, our policy here is always disclose. It's really disconcerting to have you constantly challenging the disclosure issue. There's a thing called INTEGRITY. We believe in that here. If you can't accept that and need to keep challenging this please, find another forum that will tell you what you WANT to hear. Because you won't get it here. Bottom line: every sex act brings a risk... that we pass it on AND that we get something else. Having H (as you have discovered) gives us the excuse to have the STD talk so that (hopefully) our partners will be honest with us about anything they know about (as you have seen with HPV). That alone is a good reason to disclose - not that they will know or even be honest but at least it opens the conversation and may save you a lot of angst some day *if* you happen to get unlucky and pass it on. The more honest you are about the risks, the less comeback anyone would have... just as if you got HPV/warts from a girl who told you she had them 6 months ago and you chose to go ahead anyway. You made an adult choice based on certain knowledge and you couldn't blame her if it happened....but if you didn't know better and she said "you risk is .004%" and you got it, odds are you might not be as accepting of the situation. Please refer to the link I posted above: http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/5255/from-dr-peter-leone-herpes-transmission-risk-per-sex-act-explained

It won't protect from Genital Warts as they are usually esternal - but most women get the cancerous one on the cervix... so I'd say they will be more useful for some strains than others... and like Herpes, they will at least slow down the spread depending on where the person has it ....

@Dreamer86 Yes - coconut oil is one of many things people use effectively. You can get Fractionated Coconut oil which is nice because it doesn't stain things or make you smell like you just got off the beach :) If you are asymptomatic, I wouldn't sweat it but the coconut oil is great for skin and hair anyway so you can use it for that and have it on hand "just in case" :) You don't say if you have HSV1 or 2. If it's HSV1, odds are high that you have it orally - just like 80% of the population :) Links for Fractionated Coconut Oil and a C.O. Soap: http://amzn.to/1F10r3V Fractionated Coconut Oil http://bit.ly/zincsoap Zinc Soap with coconut oil

I would say with HPV if you have the strain that causes Cancer or warts and you are within the 2 yr point (ie, most HPV clears up itself in 2 yrs... or at least seems to go totally dormant from what I understand) then you should disclose and ALWAYS use condoms during that period. 95% of the HPV strains don't seem to do anything to harm you... if you were diagnosed with one of them, I don't see the point in disclosing given that the vast majority of people already have at least 1... as @optimist pointed out, most people will have at least 1 strain by age 22... I expect we ALL are exposed to and even carry tons of viruses that we are unaware of that don't do long term harm. IMO if you have something that could potentially harm (emotionally or physically) your partner or their future partners, you should disclose. With HPV, the current thinking (that *I* have seen) is that once you are treated for the cancerous one, if it's not back in 2 yrs you are clear ... so it would only be right to make sure your partner doesn't get exposed to that while you are under treatment. Or at least give them the option. AND... you guys won't know if you have it unless you have the warts version unless you come up with the cancer sometime later in life.... so just assume that if you love giving oral, and you have multiple partners, just like with HSV1oral, odds are you are being exposed to HPV and odds are most carriers are totally unaware that they have it... and it's a risk you live with. AND .. this is what I plan to address once I have time to focus on a campaign... making people aware of the risks. .. so they make smarter (or at least more educated!) choices when it comes to having sex...

First - I'm guessing that you are HSV- ... but a very small number of people take longer to "seroconvert" which means having enough of the virus to show up positive in a test result. For most people that is 3-4 months post exposure. I'm guessing they think that the 1.1 shows that you've had it for at least 4 months ... Look - all you can do right now is wait and re-test. Odds are you have a false positive. It's only a couple months ... get on with life and don't let this run your life right now. AND ... if somehow your numbers convert in the next 2 months to a 3.5 or above, you WILL be ok. You are not having symptoms which is the only thing that really makes this into a crappy virus for the 5% or so who have moderate to severe OB's. So it's a matter of being body aware and honest with future partners... I've had it over 35 yrs and my life is FAR from over ...LOL

CDC reckons that ANYONE who is sexually active will get **at least** one type of HPV. Thankfully most just scare the hell out of you when your pap smear comes back with irregular cells, and it goes away with time. But it's kinda scary that they are just shrugging their shoulders and doing nothing to try to educate people :p

Yaasssss! I kinda find it almost funny when people react like this guy did. Ignorance really IS bliss for so many.... give them the truth and they are gobsmacked that they might outta get tested and be a bit more careful.... all this after all the years of AIDS education telling us to use condoms and get tested and discuss STD's with partners..... **SIGH**

I agree - sounds like either a false positive or you are only just now sero-converting... so I'd retest in another 2-4 months ... if it's still borderline I'd do Western Blot....

First off, Thank you @aep001for this ... we actually had a similar reply here from Dr Leone but without all the extended mathematics.. http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/5255/from-dr-peter-leone-herpes-transmission-risk-per-sex-act-explained BTW.... this was funny as hell - I kinda wanna make a Meme or a GIF with it...LOL "given an aggregate annual transmission rate of 3.6% assuming two sex acts per week, condom use, suppressive therapy, and avoidance of outbreaks, our per-act transmission probability, assuming it is independent and independently distributed, is 3 times 10 to the negative fourth power. The expectation value of the number of sex acts we will have before transmission is 2805.3." That's HAWT...LOL As for you finding love, you need to read this guy's story... I've watched him through most of his journey and he had quite the ride but what a beautiful ending :) http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3439/tonight-is-my-night Glad to have you aboard :)

I will explain how many people have it and tell them I've had girlfriends who didn't get it from me (even sometimes without condoms). Correct me if I am wrong, but you only got this last Fall and you haven't had any "girlfriends" since then... in which case, you are lying to them. Sure, many people DO have long term relationships and don't pass it on. But if I'm right, then you should tell them THAT.... because I keep getting the feeling that you have done what you can to come up with a shtick that minimizes the issues as much as possible. Now, with the Casual Sex culture, I personally feel anyone engaging in that *should* be better educated about the risks ... but sadly most are not. And I applaud you for disclosing. But I'm still not totally at ease about WHAT you tell them.... AND I get that in your situation it's hard to know just how much to tell... but PLEASE at least be honest about YOUR experience.... and again, if I am wrong here, I will stand corrected.... :)