peaceandlove

Stay strong sister, you can do this! Sending love support and good vibes your way. :-bd

Wow, this post really made my night. It's such a sweet reminder of the truth we so often forget when things get us down. Thank you Nic for sharing! Happy Holidays!!!! *hugs*

DBT I want to give you the biggest hug ever. I know exactly how you feel. I met a man, we talked for months, I opened my heart to him. He said I was the most amazing girl he ever met and he thought I was the one. But 5 days after we were intimate for the first time I got diagnosed with H. I called and told him about it and haven't heard from him again. It hurts so badly, how could he forget me so easily? H seems to take all the insecurities we have and put them right in our faces. It makes you take inventory of everything little thing you think people won't like about you or you don't like about yourself. It's enough to put anybody in an bad place emotionally. I love what nic4897 said, what amazing qualities make us who we are? What positive things are we overlooking because we just see herpes? This condition doesn't make you any less kind, loving, selfless, driven and beautiful (I know you said you don't see yourself that way but sweetheart you're gorgeous) and those traits are what truly matter. He walked away, and as much as it hurts, it's by far his loss. You deserve a man who can give you the same love support and kindness you give, not a boy who gets scared and runs away. Love yourself, know you are a wonderful, strong, beautiful woman. You are never alone, we all may be scattered across the globe but we're here for you. I'm still just starting to figure everything out just like you but I am (just like everyone here in our various stages of this journey) right beside you. I'll be writing my own list of positive things :P

Baffled1, I'm so sorry you're hurting like this. Having this condition is so hard emotionally and if you don't have a strong sense of self beforehand it can really take a toll on how you see yourself. I'm struggling with that too. I understand the doubts and negative thoughts that never seem to go away. It can be overwhelming. The way you speak of your mom and sister makes it seem as if you don't see yourself as equal to them. Are you not loved and respected too? Even if you don't have a high profile job, I'm sure you have people around you who care deeply about and have a very high opinion of you. You're letting having H erase any other positive qualities you have. This disease doesn't change ANYTHING about who you are. I think the feelings of inadequacy you are experiencing came long before you were diagnosed and this just brought it all to the surface. Telling your mom was a good step, if you hide this from the people you love you will always feel isolated. Your mom will be an amazing source of support for you. She loves you unconditionally. Even with that, you won't feel better until you love yourself. Nothing anyone says will change what you see when you look in the mirror. I won't comment about your ex, I don't know him. I believe we are all human and make mistakes, but I'm not in your shoes. What he did was wrong, you have every right to be angry. But that anger will consume you and devestate your life much more than H will if you let it. Find peace for yourself and make all your dreams come true. Herpes won't keep you from that. One day at a time, that's all we can do. It isn't easy but it gets better.

Jojo we're all here for you. If you need love, support and acceptance, you came to the right place. I feel for you, all the fear and insecurity, wanting to find love and safety in the arms of a man I know that all too well. Your honesty is overwhelming, it takes so much courage to be open about your past mistakes like you are. Six years sober? Congratulations on that amazing accomplishment, you are a strong woman you'll have the strength to conquer this too. There is nothing we can do to change the past, the fact that you're here today wanting to do the right thing is all that matters. I give you so much respect! Don't give up, know that you are not alone, and keep moving forward. We'll be right beside you. *hugs*

Sab123, hang in there! Foremost, kudos for walking away from the relationship that made you unhappy that is such a hard thing to do. I'm so sorry you're having such painful physical complications, having to cope with this condition is difficult enough without it lingering after the OB has healed. I feel your pain, I'm 23 myself. You're right, we're young, sex is an amazing and important part of a healthy relationship but it is by no means the only part. If he cares about you (and it absolutely sounds like he does!) he will want to work through this and help you get back to a normal sexual relationship. In the end it might even make the intimacy that much deeper, bringing you two even closer. First I'd say talk to your gynecologist, it's important to make sure this pain isn't caused by something clinical like an internal outbreak or an infection. If it's not then ask about the other options available. In my last relationship I had a lot of trouble with painful intercourse. It had nothing to do with H, but it presented in a similar way to what you described. My gyno was so helpful, she talked to me about how my mental and emotional state effects my body's ability to properly respond to make sex enjoyable. Please excuse me being graphic, but if you're constantly worried about pain, or stressed about things, your body wont relax and adequately lubricate which will make intercourse uncomfortable. Don't be afraid to ask your doctor questions or for help with this issue, they are such a valuable resource. This diagnosis is a heavy thing to deal with, we have gone through (or in my case are still going through) a wide range of emotions. But it is also hard for those who care about us to know how to react. And sometimes our loved ones take a step back rather than risk doing or saying something wrong. Tell your boyfriend exactly how you're feeling and what he can do to support you. It might just be that he doesn't know. Don't let herpes take away the faith and confidence you have in your relationship, or in yourself as a woman! And if venting here is what you need to do to heal, do it. It's not a sob story, it's the first chapter in your success story. *hugs*

Welcome Dragalien! You are definitely in the right place for information and support, we are here for you. Ramble on girl, it helps just to let it out! I think everyone goes through that rollercoaster of emotions, I'm right there with you. Its been a week since I was diagnosed and I can go from perfectly fine to crying for no real reason. This condition is a lot to comprehend, give yourself time. As far as your future goes, don't let this stop you. You shouldn't have to plan your future around H, it has no effect on your ability to finish your degree and get your dream job. You are no less intelligent or hard working than you were Tuesday, why would a skin condition make a difference? I'm glad you have the support of your boyfriend, but I also understand that fear you have of being alone. I know my fear comes more from my personal insecurities and lack of self acceptance than anything else. It is hard to believe others will love and support you if you can't do it for yourself. Be open to him, don't let this diagnosis create mistrust that wasn't there before. Hold your head up high, and take it one day at a time. It does get easier! When you feel confused and scared or just need to vent, reach out. You're not alone sister :) *hugs*

Friday November 15th I was diagnosed with H. The last few days have been really rough, I've been so emotionally overwhelmed that I havent left the house for anything except work. That is until last night. My friend finally convinced me to go to the gym with him, like we did several times a week prior to my outbreak. I can't say I was thrilled about the idea, but I went anyway. I can't ignore my life forever right? But I knew if I went I would have to face his questions about why I've been completely MIA for almost a week. I couldnt possibly tell him the truth. He and I have been friends for two and a half years, he has always been great to me, but he is very critical especially of women. He dates only casually, usually more than one girl at a time, and is very vocal about his opinion of others. How can I expect him to accept me, I'm now the type of girl he makes fun of. So I basically dodged his questions, shrugged it off and said I wasn't feeling well. He seemed to take it at face value and didn't press the subject. At the end of our workout he walked me to my car before I could even open my door he looked me right in the eyes and said, "Something is weighing really heavy on you, I can see it. You don't have to say anything now, but when you're ready I'm here for you. No matter what. You can trust me." I broke down right there, my tough facade was gone in an instant and I couldn't stop myself from crying. I confessed everything between my sobs. I told him my diagnosis, all the shame that it carried and how dirty it made me feel. I told him how scared I was that no one would ever want to touch me again. All the thoughts and insecurities that had consumed me just poured out, I had nothing left to hide. And when I was all done, waiting for him to back away in disgust, he wrapped me up in a deep hug. Without hesitating, he wiped the tears from my cheek and whispered, "You are not dirty, you are beautiful smart and kind, no STD will ever change that. I'm so blessed to have you in my life, and any person who can't see past something so small doesn't deserve all the wonderful things about you. No real man will be afraid to touch you, I'm not. I'm just so sad you've been facing this alone. " I cried even harder after that, tears of joy. It was such a good feeling to open up to someone and have them be unwaivering in their love and support, which got me thinking. Maybe all this fear I have of being criticized and rejected by others is more about my own insecurities than anything else. Does this one condition really take away all the other good things about me that make me who I am? Am I letting my own self depricating thoughts keep away people who can bring positive influence and fulfillment to my life? I'm still scared, unsure, and emotional, but maybe if I learn to be more open to those I trust, they might suprise me. He did.

You're absolutely right, physically this condition barely effects me. It's slightly painful but more than manageable, but all I could think about when I heard the diagnosis is who is ever going to love me again? It's ridiculous, I'm still the same person now that I have HSV1 genitally as I was the day before, and it's the exact same virus as when I had just coldsores. Why am I so awful now? I do wish I was more well informed back bbefore this happened, but I can't change that now. This site and it's members (like you :) ) are such a great resource for information and support. I want to be open and comfortable with this. I know I'll get there even if the journey is a life-long one. Thank you for this first step, I can't tell you how much it means that you talked to me.

Equanimous, this post is inspiring thank you so much for posting it! Seeing how you are taking this condition and not only using it to reflect on yourself but also to transform your life into exactly what you want it to be is something to be commended! We all had insecurites before H, and instead of letting it add to them, you are overcoming all of it. We all have a choice on how we react to the events in our lives and after reading your post (as well as many others on this site. What a great place for understanding and healing!) I think I can choose to use this diagnosis to grow. Respect.

Hi joyus89, I totally , understand how you feel about about the difficulties of the HSV stigma. We don't want to be seen as just a disease and having to disclose to a new partner makes that a painful reality. Even if someone is willing to become involved, its difficult to feel truly loved and accepted when your partner is scared to touch you. But despite that it's always better to be honest. There is no way to start a lasting relationship when you're hiding something. You said "Do people with cold sores tell everyone?" They don't, I didn't but I wish I had. I found out after a new partner my oral HSV1 had become gential and I never knew. That converstion the hardest thing I've ever had to do and I think it would not have been so difficult if I had said something before. And while I haven't had to tell a new partner since (it's only been 4 days) I truly believe having the tough conversation before being intimate is better than having to explain yourself later. We are beautiful, amazing women and any man worth our time should see that! Adrial- Thank you for the statistics about passing herpes to a partner with suppressive therepy, its great to know there are options other than just condoms especially for those of us who want to have a family someday.

Thank you WCSDancer2010 for taking the time to read my post and respond, you are very knowledgeable! I will definitely try to direct him here do he has all the information he needs. It's a terrifying situatin for me, I can only imagine how he feels. There are so many negative emotions I'm feeling right now it feels like its taking over my life. How do you handle it? I've been reading a lot of posts on this site and it gives me hope about living with this condition. So many people have such an amazing positive attitude and are thriving with HSV, but where do even begin?

So this is my story, I'll start with some backround information. I've had HSV1 since I was a child, I used to get coldsores when I was sick. The last one I ever had was when I was 12 or 13, a good 10 years ago. Recently I ended a four year, very unhealthy relationship from which I had contracted HPV and met someone new not long afterward. He lived far away but we talked everyday for a couple of months and decided to take it to the next level. So I told him about the HPV but didn't say anything about the HSV1. I guess I never thought of it as an STD, I had been living with it all my life and hadn't had a coldsore in a decade. I never asked him about his history. I spent an amazing weekend with him only a week ago, I hadn't felt so beautiful, safe and cared for in such a long time. On the day I left, three days after we had first been intimate, I felt some pain in my groin area. I chalked it up to being sore. A couple of days later in hadn't gotten better so I saw my Gyno she took a swab but said it just looked like friction irritation. Two days ago I get a call from the office saying the swab came back positive for HSV1. My world fell apart, how could I all of a sudden go from having coldsores to having it genitally with no smyptoms inbetween? Did he have it, or was it me? I never felt so disgusting and ashamed in my life. But I had to tell him, I asked him to call me that night, he called me back only hours ago. I asked him if he had been tested recently, he said he had and it came back clean no HSV1. And neither of us had been with anyone else since we had last been tested. So it was my fault. I told him what happened, I cried and rambled and apologized. I didn't know it could happen like that, how could I be so stupid? He thanked me for telling him, said he needed to go, that he'd "talk to me in a bit" and hung up. His voice was cold a emotionless. I feel so guilty, and dirty, I don't know if I can forgive myself if I gave it to him I truly care for him. He'll probably never speak to me again and I don't blame him. I feel like a bad person, but I honestly didn't know it could transfer on me like that. It hurts more now than it did to just get the diagnosis. How do I get past this? How do I not feel like a horrible human being and move forward in my life? Where do I go from here?

Hi everyone, I'm Alli I'm 23, live on the Jersey shore, and I was just diagnosed with HSV-1 genitally 3 days ago. I have also been living with HPV. Its been such a roller coaster of emotions, I would love to have a buddy in my area to talk to about everything. I'm just so scared about how life will be from now on, but seeing all the strong people on this site gives me hope :) I have no preference to gender. I look forward to hearing from you!

Hi duppystrangler, I'm 23 also living in a small town in NJ and you're story really hit me. I just.recently ended a 4 year unhealthy relationship from which I contracted HPV but when I found someone new who made me feel alive attractive and safe again, he didn't care. Sadly after we were intimate I was diagnosed with HSV1 genitally. Now I can't get in touch with him to talk to him or even just to tell him to get tested. I'm so hurt, I feel dirty and ashamed, but I know we're not. We are normal women worth love and respect and I want you to know you're not alone. It is so hard to get past the negative feelings, and if you need to talk I'm here.