Little_Curly

Hey Lil Devy, Pad 100% give me contact dermatitis (a.k.a. Diaper Rash). YUCK, right... like I don't have enough problems with genital herpes, I know get DIAPER RASH! .. going to the pharmacy that day was a great visit.. yes, I will have a refill on my suppression meds and throw in a special blend of diaper rash cream. There are new fancy pads that are just, a torture device and probably not healthy for us at all.. and then there are the old school, simple cotton pads. My physician recommended sticking to those types. I personally don't enjoy pads, but for light days, it was just the better option. I am a menstrual cup type of gal now. I was so scared reading the instructions, but I am so bummed but when I start my period and I am not prepared and I have to borrow a tampon or pad. Anyways, all that to say, it might not have been an outbreak, but just a skin reaction to the chemicals they put in our feminine hygiene products.

Hey lovelife2020, The ex who gave me herpes also denied it and refused to get tested. I stayed with him for 10 months after I was diagnosed (even though I knew he was not right for me) because I thought I was ruined and no one would love me. Finally, I decided that being alone was better than being with him. I am proud of you for ending things with your ex. Something I look for in a partner (or actually, expect in a partner) is the ability to own up to - what ever it might be. Which is part of being a mature adult. It took me a long time to accept myself. Lots of trial and error. Many rejections. Many understanding people too. Another public figure for herpes (other than Adrial) is Ella Dawson. I recently came across her website again. She has a great TedX talk. I recommend it. Something she talks about in one of her blogs, and something my therapist has helped me understand is: 'Know you deserve a "yes", and do not take a "no" personally.' At the end of the day love, it had nothing to do with you, and everything to do with her. Now, a big thing, is to never disclose until You Are Ready (and before sex, obvs.). But something that seems to help my heart a bit, is disclosing before the big feels show up. My rule of thumb is if I am going on a third date with the person, it is probably time to disclose. In case they aren't okay with it, we can both walk away and our hearts weren't too attached. Doesn't matter how much someone likes you, if they aren't open, aren't willing to learn, aren't comfortable with the idea of dating someone with herpes, or another transmittable infection, long term illness, etc etc., it won't matter how amazing you are... They can't accept it. And we don't hold that against them. Hell, before I was diagnosed, I don't know if I would have been able to keep dating someone who disclosed to me either. I used to think "they aren't worth it anyways", and in a way it's true, but I don't like how accusatory it is. We hope/expect not to be judged for this part of us, and we shouldn't judge others for having a boundary and sticking to it. A few pages on instagram that I follow that might help you are @youmeandhsv @positive_results_us @honmychest You mentioned you get symptoms often. This may not be accessible to you, but if it is, you should talk to your doctor about suppressive therapy. I hope you can get something out of my response. Please know it gets better, and even if it isn't because of herpes, our hearts will get hurt. Don't let the pain of this one experience stop you from living an amazing, happy, and full of love life.

If it is eating away at you, maybe write a list of pros and cons of what can happen if you decide to disclose while still only talking on the phone. i know that feeling of sick feeling about keeping it from someone and that is not fun and not healthy. Please note, not disclosing is not lying, unless they specifically ask that bullshit question or ‘are you clean’ or any other version of that, and you say ‘yes’.. then that’s kind of telling a lie. But you still don’t need to tell them at that moment. It’s not their information to drag out of you. You tell them when you are comfortable. The longer you wait, in my experience, the harder is it. Take this reply with a grain of salt.. I know it’s all easier said than done. Touching on the Risk part of it, that will be something you and your partner would have to deal with together in terms of communication. But you also should work on that guilt. I’ve been there too, mixed with shame. We aren’t monsters out to plague the world. We are beautiful, fun, courageous people who are going to live a normal life, despite this hand that’s been drawn. Take the pill, wear condoms, communicate If you’re feeling symptoms and if he gets it, yes you’ll feel bad, but he decided you were worth the risk.

I have never used the same approach for any guy I been interested in. Some ways I have done it is: - I told them right on the dating app, before ever meeting - I told on first date - I told on 3rd date - I told via video chat before they came from out of town for our first 'date' - I have told after sleeping with them (not a proud moment, but we learn from our mistakes) Every person is different, and you will feel different with every person. It's just a matter of seeing how it feels and when it feels right for you. (I will just reiterate that I recommend to disclose before things get hot and heavy. A kiss can lead to making out, making out can lead to hands all over the body and telling a someone you have herpes when they just unclasped your bra does not feel nice.) If the person likes you, and is worth it, they will be okay with your status... If they aren't okay with it, then they weren't worth your time anyways! Its hard to feel okay with this, and there are ebbs and flows for sure on this journey! Just remember, you are awesome. "Somewhere someone is looking for exactly what you have to offer."