Carlos

Abandoholism is similar to the other ‘oholisms, but instead of being addicted to a substance, you’re addicted to the emotional drama of heartbreak. You pursue hard-to-get partners to keep the romantic intensity going and to keep your body’s love-chemicals and stress hormones flowing. What makes someone an abandoholic? Abandoholism sets in when you’ve been hurt so many times that you’ve come to equate insecurity with love. Unless you’re pursuing someone you’re insecure about, you don’t feel in love.

"I always have mixed drinks about my feelings." Anonymous

@Darein77 Too soon to go bareback, kiddo!! Is your prospective lover HIV Neg? Because for us gay males with genital HSV1 or HSV2 the risk of becoming infected with HIV is high due to the seen (and often unseen) skin ruptures caused by genital HSV1/2. In other words... stop thinking about whether you're going to infect him with genital HSV1/2 and start worrying about contracting the BIG (H). This applies mostly to us gay males because we love via anal sex - but it also applies to females with genital HSV1/2 whose male partners are either Bisexual or are HIV Poz (or both). do you follow what i'm saying? We have a tendency, when we're diagnosed with having genital HSV1/2, to fear passing it on to a non-infected person. and that is a valid fear. but the greater risk is contracting other STIs... truth is, now that you have genital area HSV1/2 (or as my Doc calls it, Herpes in the boxer short area), tossing condoms aside is a HUGE NO NO. Yes. Condoms suck. I hate them myself. But in the early stages of the relationship, please use them. And have the guy get tested FOR EVERYTHING: complete STI panel with all the works. And he must request an HSV1/2 anti-body blood test as well (He could be carrying the virus and not know it) YOU are what matters most! The other guy comes in 2nd. good luck :) Carlos

I never read horoscopes. I think what I infrequently do read can apply to pretty much anyone at any given time in their life. But the quote below came entrenched in today's Saggitarius bit: "...Give others time to reflect on your disclosure; relaxing your expectations helps you avoid unnecessary disappointment. Love is a dance which can't be rushed." By Rick Levine Ha.

Yes it is possible. And it's also possible that you may never see outbreaks after a certain amount of years after infection. You just become a carrier. I know this because that's precisely my story. I also quite alcohol, marijuana and cigarettes. And took on a spiritual practice.

today i learned that just because I live in a great cozy sugary house in bergen county NJ, that I'm not gonna get a romantic partner, or anything for that matter, helicoptered in. I have to go out there to get/find/achieve it - and that means doing the footwork. Giving, giving and giving is what makes the receiving possible. I also learned that when I call people back and they don't return my call right away, I get real jaded real quick and dismiss the person altogether. Again, the receiving is not the point. It's what's going out (of me) what matters. I've known all this. Now I see that I also forget if I don't stay on point. Ha! YOUR TURN: what have you learned lately? where's your sugar at?

Today I learned, or rather continue to show to my stubborn self, that the more I want another person or a group to validate my worth, the more I feel like I'm barking up the wrong tree with the fervor of a Chihuahua. I see that I have to let others be. And most importantly, I see I have to leave myself alone. Your turn: what did you learn today, sugar?

Today, my sugar is at "good" after having read an inspiring piece at VICE: "Finding Love with Herpes, Thanks to STI-Positive Online Dating". The author talks a good game in favor of online dating and interviews a couple who met on a herpes dating site Note: I'm not selling the idea, but more and more, I hear from others (STI-positive or not) about the power of online dating. I've learned lately that I'm too keen on isolating myself. True, I'm a Lone Wolf, but sometimes a Lone Wolf wants to partner up with another Lone Wolf for walks in the moonlight. Read the story of that couple here: http://www.vice.com/read/finding-love-with-herpes-thanks-to-sti-positive-online-dating-396?utm_source=vicetwitterus YOUR TURN. Where's your Sugar at? Or, what have You learned lately?

I came across an article at Bustle.com where a very eloquent young woman talks about her [h] journey and disclosing. I know I'm preaching to the choir because everyone up in here is SO good at expressing your-fine-ass-self. But I had to share just a bit of her own disclosure script: “Herpes is super common — over 20 percent of people have it, and it’s even more prevalent in women, because it’s easier to catch it if you have ladyparts. It gets transmitted from skin-to-skin contact, and you can actually get it from many parts of someone else’s body, not just their special parts (including mouths, butts, and thighs). So really, you don’t technically get it from sex, you get it from touching. You’re much more likely to get it from someone who has a herpes sore, but you can also get it in between the times when sores are around. While there isn’t a cure, there’s medication I can take to protect you from getting it, and using condoms also helps.” What struck me is the sentence that I also used as the title to this discussion. And yes, @adrial has been telling us the same for years now. But I think it was the "ladyparts" bit that really drove the message home for me tonight. And you know, I'm a bonafide gay man, so I don't see where this is coming from. All of a sudden I see ladyparts everywhere. And they're beautiful! Gentlemanparts are nice too, when they're not hanging there looking like a bunch of walnuts. Have I totally crossed the line? Forgive me, I'm from New York. No filter. But considering the topic that we touch upon around these parts (haha) I figured, make 'em laugh a little. This [h] thing can get really REAL sometimes; because we have a tendency to treat loneliness with isolation, and to judge our own bodies to the point of self-inducing anxiety and doom. With [h] some days are good some not so much; but it could always be worse. So here here! To finding the ladyparts (or the gentleman parts) of your sexy dreams. And touch others with love, not with judgment. Carlos

Oscar Wilde once said, "Be yourself, everyone else is taken."

"Today me will live in the moment unless it’s unpleasant in which case me will eat a cookie." - Cookie Monster "love this." - Me

and here for a happiness series. "Unbroken happiness is a bore: It should have ups and downs." -Moliere "Happiness is a hard thing because it is achieved only by making others happy." -Stuart Cloete "All happiness depends on a leisurely breakfast." -John Gunther

"Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely" - Auguste Rodin "A friend is a person who knows all about you and still likes you." -Elbert Hubbard "Freedom and peace of mind are always attained by giving them to someone else." -P.C. March

Here's another one to share. http://motherboard.vice.com/read/you-probably-have-herpes Close look at the author's thesis-closing hashtag! LOVE IT.

I just read this and I felt motivated to share with you. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/01/01/things-to-stop-caring-about-in-2015_n_6390470.html I'd like to add... #22 - Having Herpes: because you did nothing absolutely nothing wrong. and, no, you are not "damaged goods". don't ever reject yourself, that's blasphemy.

I never called herpes a priceless gift. the priceless gift I refer to is living life authentically. It's got nothing to do with this STI. tho without this STI I couldn't have gotten where I'm at 12 years later.

“i have found that the process of discovering who i really am begins with knowing who i really dont want to be” what has unraveled during the past 16 months is interesting. experience has suffused my thinking with new life. all of a sudden i’m not just loving myself, i’m extending all that love outwardly. for a narcissist like me, that’s HUGE. at the same time, i’m essentially one of the good guys. like YOU. nevertheless obsessed by the thoughts and fantasies that ricochet inside my head; i’m totally hooked to… seeking for the self alone. and i’ve used whatever i could to get that high - i used people, places, things, career, money, booze, pot... the chase was on and i was a rebel. then it happened - some 12 years ago - a doc at the local STI clinic informed me that I had contracted herpes. i’m a gay man and to be told that the strange-looking acne on my junk was herpes… well, the world imploded. from that day forth, i lived thru some war stories. i ain’t gonna lie - it SUCKED. all that you are thinking and feeling right now… same here! “the feeling of having shared in this common peril is one element in the powerful cement which binds us” but this end-of-year note d'amour is not about my war stories and my battle wounds (which i wear with honor and urge you to learn to do the same). this message is coming from 12+ years of true and tested change. and it’s all due to herpes. all thanks to herpes. when i say to you that i had no idea how toxic my thinking was, how toxic the situations i was getting into were, how toxic were the people i was inviting in… i’m making an understatement. but i also cannot assert that knowing what i know now would have kept me from getting herpes… because there is a randomness to Life and bad weird shit happens to great people. my point is - somewhere along your journey you will be faced with that mortal coil: “is this it? is this as good as it gets?” a bit of context: i faked acceptance for years. i concocted all sorts of ways to move thru despair. i had been branded a PWH and i rejected that notion. so i lied to myself and to several men i wanted to have sex with. the toxicity in my thinking and my attitude overpowered me. i was ENSLAVED. maybe - maybe - you’re thinking of doing the same: take the daily Valtrex and keep a lid on it; get close enough to get a taste for intimacy and when it gets too close and scary, bounce! or isolate. after all, what better way to treat loneliness than with isolation? i did all of it and then some. didn’t work. nothing could get me out of my makeshift hell. SHAME had me by the balls. then i met a guy i knew i couldn’t have - for the obvious reason - but he was also deep in the closet. he was an up-and-coming young surgeon passing thru a NYC residency and on his way to a fellowship down south. so we both knew whatever we’d found in each other had an expiration date. and after a few hot semi-naked love sessions, i just came out and told him i had herpes… i put it all in an email and hit send. not an ideal step but a step nonetheless. yet he didn’t stop seeing me. and in that post-email convo, he said… “i’m not worried about the herpes, tho i wish you had told me before the deed, but what i want to ask you is, why are you getting into these short-lived sexual relationships when you could have anybody you want?” this guy is no longer in my life, his journey took him down south as planned. but if he didn’t cause a seismic impact upon my psyche, then i don’t know what that BOOM was. so many layers of shame, deceit, self-loathing and longing began to evaporate. yet this evaporation happened not overnight. nothing ever will for us. insights come when you’re receptive. right now, as you read this, the Higher Intelligence that fuels all Life is priming you to receive serious wisdom. when i finally got that - which now feels like common sense - i realized i was in good shape and all i needed to do was humbly ask this Higher Intelligence to not let me get me. “don’t let me get me, i’m my own worst enemy” i would say in praise. and still do! the picture - our picture as persons with herpes (PWH) - does appear bleak and post-apocalyptic. we hit the WWW scavenging stats, percentages, magical cures, news of a vaccine, dating sites that cater to herpes-ridden fools on the loose. is all good. it’s part of the process. but ask yourself this, am i trying to catch lightning in a bottle? sorry about all the cliches. but it’s a fantastic question nonetheless. the moment you quit trying to catch that bolt in the bell jar, you will slowly begin to awaken. suddenly the priceless gift you have been given reveals itself. i wish i could spell every aspect of your journeys and save you the heartache and tears, the homicidal rage. but we all have our karmic roads to trek on. ignorance does roam the globe and you will not be able to thwart those who don’t know any better (remember, we were once them). you may choose your words prettily as you disclose - that won’t guarantee you a walk down the aisle. but if you wise-up, your words will guarantee you happily ever after (partnered or not). “The best way to predict the future is to create it.” -Peter Drucker i will state this fact, this belief, confidently and forcefully: you are going to flourish not perish; you are going to bloom despite the gloom; you are going to see your old roots die as you keep growing NEW roots. a year from tonight, as you look back to 2015 and all it’s brought you, the good and the bad, ask yourself: have my old roots died yet!? keep growing NEW roots! i wish you all LOVE, WISDOM, HEALTH and WEALTH in 2015 your friend- Carlos V.

Hmm... I dunno what to make of this. Should we just accept that the insignificance of having herpes is what makes it joke-worthy? HIV "ravaged" the world and killed millions - continues to do so - yet herpes, despite its presence on Earth that dates back to pre-Human era, has not claimed one soul... Should the world that is being ravaged by this disease (according to J-Law) lighten up and take a joke? Or should I have my press agent call up J-Law's press agent and have her straightened out? What do you guys and dolls think?

@williow @wcsdancer2010 I love these last quotes! Muy very goodlookin (as Celia Cruz would say)

“We do not say that a man who takes no interest in public affairs is a man who minds his own business. We say he has no business being here at all.” Pericles - @forbesthoughts

If a person wants to be a part of your life, they will make an obvious effort to do so. Think twice before reserving a space in your heart for people who do not make an effort to stay.

Yo! I f*ckin love U! Brass balls my friend, brass balls. So insightful. You broke it down to REALITY. Casey Capshaw just kept saying, "ahem... ahem... ahem". THAT is what I call some serious skoolin, kid! This is terrible. I'm so in love with you now. lol. You suck. Funny, how this skin condition has transformed us (many of us at least) into steel-spined individuals. I wish for you much fortune and happiness, Adrial. "Challenge into a Gift" CAV

OK. I'm annoyed. Match dot com deleted my inclusion of ASHA and (h)opportunity in my profile. It took 'em a while to catch on but they omitted my recommendations. My STI bit reads like this now: "Like the next dude, I do not come without baggage; with that said, you must also know that I pack light. I am positive for herpes simplex 2. I got it from a boyfriend—such is life." What do you all think? Should I make a stink about it or let it be? I also can report that I connected with a dude who's (h) positive. He wrote: "I really like your honesty. Like you, I also got HSV-2 although I got it when I was 18. It's been a bit tough dating with that baggage but you can't change the past." Aside from our commonality, it seems like he and I got a lot in common. I'm gonna proceed, but cautiously. I hope you're all having a beautiful w/e. I wish you well and I wish you peace. Carlos

This is awesome. And so true! We have been brainwashed on every level, conditioned to react in a certain way. To be sheep. Wars don't work. Romantic comedies are not instrumental to what real love is. The government is business as usual, it castrated Obama, a great thinker, and aged him horribly... Just a few examples. And let's not forget about HERPES and the overblown stigma. We have to break free. One day at a time.

Holding on to a resentment is like drinking the poison and expecting the other motherfucker to die.