I was diagnosed with HSV-2 several years ago. (I got tested after my partner at the time had an outbreak.) I've been on suppressive medication since the diagnosis and have never had a visible outbreak (that I am aware of).
It was a non-issue until a potential partner rejected me once I disclosed my diagnosis. I have generalized anxiety and OCD and his rejection set off a severe obsession about having an outbreak or transmitting the virus to future partners that a year later, I am still struggling with daily. I go to therapy for it twice a week.
My current boyfriend does not have the virus; he is aware that I do and is 100% fine with it. I am still on suppressive medication + we use condoms when having sex. However, I still cry nearly every time we are intimate because I am so terrified of transmitting the virus to him.
I try my best not to let his body come into contact with mine outside of the period when we are having sex (as in no cuddling or any type of intimacy before or after) and it's heartbreaking.
I'm also terrified that I will have a small sore that I don't notice and that I will transmit the virus to him that way. I rigorously inspect my body before going to his home just in case, but obviously if we have sex spontaneously I do not always have time to check my body before and I feel deeply guilty about that.
I don't even know what I'm asking for here, other than some hope or reassurance. How likely is it that I will have a small unnoticed sore that transmits the virus to him? I don't want to have to obsessively check my body every time before we have sex.