penelope81105

I have not visited the site in a while. Super busy with school and work but when I saw your post on the Seminar I was super excited! I'm a few states from NC, and hoping I could make it. Unfortunately, money is tight and I don't think I can afford the trip! Good luck to you all who can go and have fun!

Hi Iris4! I can definitely relate to your situation. I too have experienced the "too many drinks, hard to resist temptation" kinda nights. And I can tell you right now, he will feel a little offended you didn't tell him. I mean it's only natural to feel that way at first. But i'm sure if you explain to him and reassure him that he will not contract anything he will be fine. Everyone takes it differently. Speaking from personal experience being honest is the best way to go. Rejection doesn't nearly feel as bad as guilt. (To me at least) I mean I don't think the best idea is to tell every single person you date but you'll know when it's appropriate to mention it. In my experience, after I told him I had herpes he was freaked out for sure and felt a little betrayed that I didn't say anything. But once he got tested (came back negative) and we talked everything through he told me he wasn't mad anymore and trusted me. Unfortunately he still chose to end it (other conflicts involved) but like i said feels so much better to be honest. Every disclosure I dread but at least i'm doing the right thing.

:) You have inspired me so much and I'm going to continue on this path. Thank you! And thank you for that disclosure cheat sheet! Great idea.

Gosh I feel like I'm listening to myself. Which is amazing! I really have felt alone for years through this whole process and it's incredible to hear from someone the same age and same situation. Which puts things in perspective for me. I think it's easier to give advice than to take your own. When I'm feeling down I turn to those who know my secret and still treat me like a normal person. It gives me comfort to know others see the person I really am, not some diseased handicap. Other than that I haven't found that perfect remedy. Everyone is allowed to have their down times (herpes or not). Trust me, there are days i want to call that douche and just yell at him but that won't change anything. He's not worth any more of my time anyways. This site obviously has helped a ton and now even talking to you and others I can see becoming a huge source of support. I thought walking around keeping this secret to myself and acting like I didn't have herpes (out of sight out of mind sort of thing) was the easiest route. I see now it's not. It feels a thousand times better talking about it and being honest with myself. Even though this guy rejected me because of it, I was honest and that beats the guilt/burden I had before, by a million. Sure I'm super bummed he is not in my life but I'm not giving up. Guess it comes down to my self esteem. I know what I'm worth. :)

Super helpful! Thank you! I know that's a huge reason my guy ran away after the talk. He was fine listening to me but after reading up on it and all the scary details I know he freaked out. Again, something positive yet informative!

We need a site like this for people who are on the other hand of the situation. The significant others who have just been disclosed by their bf/gf that they have herpes. Everything they read on medical sites scare them. They need a more positive site, but also informative. Anyone know of any? I mean obviously they could just read these forums and sites but something specifically directed to them.

You're right parksss. I guess that's when the positive thinking comes into play. If they aren't mature and understanding I wouldn't want them in my life anyways. I just need to be patient and wait for the right one. And possibly look outside my age group because no one at this age is prepared to deal with it. I do the same thing as you inspired32. I think I just lost my way because I finally did tell someone who I felt I could trust enough not to runaway and got rejected. Not the best feeling. And what do you mean "what you guys do to help yourselves?"

It's great to hear from someone who can relate. Crazy how similar our stories are. Everyday i'm learning more and more about how to deal with this all. From trial and error of course. It is SO hard to comprehend that I have it considering I have had NO symptoms for years. I feel like I can have a normal sex life, but I still have that guilt. I hope that you can keep in touch and vent all you want to someone who completely understands! :)

Three and half years ago I was diagnosed with HSV-2. I researched everything I could, talked to every doctor/therapist that I could afford, and always had an amazing support team sticking by my side(My Parents and best friend) but even three years later I am still struggling tremendously and SOO happy to have found this site. I can finally talk and vent to people that understand and read their stories. I am so grateful. So here's my story.. I have to admit being only 17 at the time I was going through the phase of dating all the bad boys. And one in particular I knew was a compulsive liar and was somewhat of a player but of course I loved the thrill of it. (I regret it obviously) We were sexually active for about a month when one day I knew something wasn't right. My first (and only) outbreak had happened and I was a total wreck. After testing positive, I confronted him and prayed he would be there with comforting words but it was the total opposite. At first he denied everything, saying he didn't have it, that I was the dirty one and to stay away. Then he changed the story saying he did find a "bump" and he thinks he knows who gave it to him. Deep down I knew he was lying. I know he knew, lied to me and didn't give a shit. He even started to show this evil side of him I wish I saw earlier. His exact words "I don't care if I have an outbreak or not, if I want to get some I'm gonna f** get some." Not only did he abandon me to deal with this alone, for months after he spread rumors to all my friends that he knew someone who gave it to me and a million different lies. I went from about 12 close best friends and plenty of acquaintances to 2 best friends and plenty of old friends snickering behind my back. Everywhere I went he was there causing trouble. I tried denying and defending myself but soon gave up and went into isolation. After some time I met someone who ignored all rumors and treated me like a normal person. I attached myself almost instantly and we dated for about 2 and half years on and off. I never told him because once again I lived in a world where I didn't have Herpes and I wanted to take full advantage of it. Which I see now was the worst and most selfish thing I could ever do. I believe in Karma and it always bit me in the ass. He cheated on me plenty of times and I always forgave him feeling like I deserved it. I felt like I deserved to never be fully happy. Every night I would go to bed overwhelmed with guilt and regret. I just didn't know what else to do. A couple months ago we ended but still keep in contact and I've had to reflect on what kind of person I am and what I really want for myself. My mother always reminds me that i'm a beautiful person and I need to stop acting like i'm Handicap (the way she puts it). That one day someone will love me for who I am and I won't be alone. And to stop settling for less then the best. But a mother is suppose to tell you that. Right? I didn't really believe that until I met someone recently. We fell for each other almost over night. I've never been treated so good in my life. He was amazing and an angel to me. Not only did we get along emotionally, mentally but physically. We were so sexually attracted to each other it was unreal. A few drunken nights I even slipped up and went a little farther then I should have. I was back at square one. Of course my anxiety came over me and I felt he was too good for me and I tried to push him away but he kept coming back telling me he could handle anything I threw at him because he believed I was worth it. I finally let go and we were great. Took it slower and I honestly started to feel like I could tell him and he wouldn't run away. Until I found out one of friends was actually the one who gave me Herpes. That same evil person from years ago, back to ruin my life. He started telling my current boyfriend and all his friends what I had. (Obviously not giving himself away saying it was his friend I contracted it from) He confronted me and I had no choice but to tell him the truth. The HARDEST conversation of my life. I felt so ashamed and scared but he was SO understanding. His words were if "I can trust you, you can trust me. If you take care of me, I'll take care of you." It was too good to be true. For a couple days we were good. Talking and learning and supporting each other until (I'm assuming) He hung out with his friends and he researched some more and freaked himself out. I know he got tested and it came negative like I knew it would. But he still ended it with me. Saying it was a lot to handle especially since he's so young. I have been devastated for weeks. He will randomly write me saying he misses me and gives me small signs he's still interested but nothing big yet. I feel like i'm at a standstill. Vulnerable and hopeless. Even though I've been dealing with this for years I'm really having to face it more than ever now. And it's being reminded constantly that the chance of me finding that special someone who will be there no matter what, and treat me like a NORMAL healthy person, at the same time being honest, is very slim. I try to keep my head up and know it could be way worse. I feel like i live a completely normal life, considering I have had no sign of an outbreak since the first time. I take medicine and vitamins daily to stay healthy but it still doesn't help the mental part of this all. I try not to be bitter towards the one who gave it to me and try to accept it all as positively as I can but I keep getting pulled down. What do I do now? Sorry for the lengthy story. My first time being able to fully and comfortably vent.