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Bulagal

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  1. First of all- I want to say a HUGE THANK YOU to Adriel and everyone on this site. I have become extremely educated on my condition in the past month or so-even tho I have had it for almost 30 years. After my disastrous disclosure 5 weeks ago-(which included my delivery) and that guy waffling back and forth and not truly being able to accept me-I have made my 2nd disclosure in 12 years…and this time it was a POSITIVE experience-again thanks to the guidance and info on this wonderful site. But this time I told him like it was no big deal-cuz after all-it really isn’t a big deal in my life anymore. Back from a really fun evening out with friends-I decided to get it out of the way sooner rather than later-(3rd date) we were on the couch kissing-and even tho I knew I wasn’t ready to go any further-I wanted to disclose NOW!! So I told him that I have this “annoying skin condition” that I’ve had for 28 years – and once in awhile it flares up. I said “you know how people get cold sores on the lips? Well I get them down below too-haven’t had one in nearly 5 years-but you still need to know-it’s herpes” and he looked at me and said “OK what do I need to know and what do I need to do?” So I casually rattled off the statistics which I had memorized by now! And he commented that he had a few friends that have it-but that he’s never dated anyone with it….then he said “Can I kiss you again now?” 100% OPPOSITE reaction than from the 1st guy –who made me feel like I had cooties-and even referred to it as Leprosy!!! “Don’t feel like you have Leprosy” in one conversation- UMM I DON’T but it’s obvious that YOU DO!!!! We went out again the next day-and we have a date tonight. I was so PETRIFIED at first of the thought of disclosing again – but with the support and guidance I found on this site- I am overjoyed to say that it went well-and the next time (should there be one!!) will be even easier. Much Love Terri
  2. Hi Simplyme I feel ya sister - I recently disclosed to a man I met about 5 weeks ago. I wasn't prepared for his questions- and more than that- I wasn't prepared for his rejection. Herpes has been such a non issue for me for so long ( have had it almost 30 years) That I simply wasn't expecting an educated & intelligent man to react this way. I know without a shadow of a doubt that he and I would be together if I didn't have H. Our connection is amazing- but I guess it's not enough.. Now I am petrified of having to have "the talk" with a new man. This forum and the podcasts have been a HUGE help for me in putting it all in proper perspective. I know that it's not me being rejected- and I know that I am an amazing woman with so much to offer the right man.... So what I have an annoying skin condition!!!!! Hang in there- the right- accepting- man is out there for both of us! Hugs Terri
  3. Thank you Ladies- This site has been such a blessing. And yes- he likely isn't the right partner for me... I saw something the other day that read "This- Or something better is now manifesting in my life" Just about the time I was feeling totally rejected! So I hang in there! Much Love Terri
  4. Update..... he has decided that he can not deal with it....he feels that he would always be worried about getting it in spite of the statistics-and that we wouldn't be able to really "let go" during sex as a result. OK I am crushed...but I will be OK..I know that there is a reason this happened- but now I am scared to death to disclose again. Recently an old friend from school days has asked me out...and I want to go out with him-but the fear of disclosing and being rejected again is sooo frightening.....
  5. Thank you for the support and for the links to positive success stories. This site is awesome and I agree with you Dancer- he can benefit from the knowledge and info on this site as well so I will provide him the link. I also think that if we DO get through this- the relationship has the potential to be very strong. He's still hanging around - we spent Thanksgiving together with my friends- and then he spent the night with me for the first time- no sex though... Just holding touching and cuddling - which was great. I am finding that getting to know someone without having a sexual relationship quickly is not only different for me- but that I am really enjoying it. Touching and being touched without rushing into sex has made the connection almost electric! I was diagnosed years ago by symptoms and never had any blood tests- so I went to the DR Wednesday and had the tests. I assume I have HSV2 only- but next week will know definitively - In the meantime our bond becomes stronger and I am hopeful that he will get past his fears and that we can become lovers as well as friends. Thank you again for this amazing support.
  6. I'm new to this site- but not new to Herpes. I've had it for about 30 years now. I was married for 10 years and my husband was positive also- then in a relationship for close to a year and he had it too. Single again..... And I have met a wonderful man..... And of course told him.... It was our 3rd date- after some intense kissing but clearly before any further intimacy..... I was not ready for the rejection- nor was I ready to answer all of his questions .... Herpes had become such a non issue for me the past 12 years....... I simply was not prepared. This was 3 weeks ago. At first he said that he did not want to risk his health and that he needed to move on. As much as this hurt me- I understood and respected his decision. The problem is that he has NOT moved on. In the 3 weeks he has continued to call and e mail- and we have continued to see each other a couple times a week. Clearly he is confused- and has feelings for me. I have provided him info that I should have had at the time of disclosure-better late than never. He has done extensive research and talked to several friends- even a few that he found out are also positive.....he commented that he had no idea how common it was..... I believe that both of our feelings are becoming stronger each time we see each other. I feel without a shadow of a doubt that we would be together if not for this problem. I don't know what to do - and I guess I just wonder if anyone has been through something similar and had a partner decide that the connection was stronger than the herpes- and decided to pursue the relationship? I know that I really care for this man- and that I am opening myself up to heartbreak.... But that there is also a chance that we could continue? I am confused as well..... One minute I want to tell him he needs to make a decision before the feelings get any stronger- and the next minute I think that I should just enjoy the time we have together and let it unfold the way that it will..... It's just so difficult as I can feel his confusion ..... Thanks for having this amazing site - for listening- and for providing much needed support.....
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