fitgirl

@Bambina as much as that comment is a dagger to you..... it's also a comment born from ignorance... he has herpes so the sooner he gets real with it and you come clean, the sooner you can move on with more enlightened lives. It's gonna hurt to own your indescretions it's going to be hard for you both but the truth is the truth. Stepping up will make you feel better in the long run . I guarantee it. You can have herpes and a"normal" life not knowing..... having children etc..... what are you hiding from really? What are you running from? One day that road will come to a dead end. Why not get off it now ?

@skeif do you have type 1 or 2? If you have type 2 the risk if oral transmission is ECTREMELY low. Hsv2 doesn't like the oral region and has less than a 1% chance if transmission orally especially if you are in suppressive meds. If you wear your boxers and a condom the risk would be so small it wouldn't be much risk at all. Over time....whether it's with this girlfriend or not, you and your partner will be able to engage in oral without the fear if you educate yourself and your partner as much as possible. The more you learn the less scary it is. You are already doing all the right things so keep learning and working through this with your girlfriend and I am sure she will come around :) If you research on this site you will find a lot of the info you seek.

@ThePhoenix welcome! First off, can you clarify that you know for sure you have ghsv2? If you didn't have sex were you "rubbing " genitals? Have you had OB'S since your encounter? It sounds like she is both naive and willfully ignorant to the facts about herpes. She was careless and selfish not to tell you. Also, herpes never goes away!!!! Just because she has no symptoms (so she says) doesn't Mean she isn't contagious while shedding. I have to day, a woman like that isn't one you would have wanted to enter into a serious relationship with. She hasn't take responsibility for her status, there is Noth you can do about that so just let it go and focus on YOU. As for moving forward it you do have herpes.... it seems like a long and lonely path but it isn't. Religion, race or creed doesn't matter. Open minded educated people know that herpes is minor. An inconvenience at best. Who you tell is up to you but know this: 80% of the population has herpes so all those people in your circle are not "herpes free" I guarantee it! There are plenty of people in the world who are authentic and accepting and if herpes is the worst thing you have going g for you then you are doing OK :) I suggest you read ad much as you can on this site and learn the facts. So many of us have lived with herpes for years and we are a team entry that herpes helps weed out the people who weren't meant for us and allow us to narrow in on self love and acceptance. Once you find out what you value and you accept yourself for all of your flaws and challenges you will attract women who see you for the man you are. Herpes isn't a deal breaker for people who look past the superficial.

Correction I meant ghsv1. ... ironically my phone autocorrects to ghsv2 :)

@ScreamImOkay so let me get this straight. ... you have ghsv2? And your bf has cold sores? And HE is mad at herpes? And you are mad at herpes? But he wouldn't look at you when talking about it? And HE said he would r go to work with sores on his face it once again HE has oral hsv1? Is that all accurate? I am totally confused why his issue is..... I understand your shock and feelings because it's hard when we first learn about herpes. But you realize that HE have YOU ghsv1 right? does he understand that you have genital herpes because he gave it to you? And what did he mean he just has cold sores HSV1 .... JUST? Herpes is herpes. Location is only relevant when you buy into stigma and are uniformed . I highly recommend you both get educated on herpes and learn what is true and what isn't. He needs to know that he can infect anyone with hsv1 if he isn't careful. The more you learn the better you will feel about all this. I have had herpes for over 15yrs and it's an adjustment at first but it doesn't change who you are :)

@Bambina3 @2Legit2Quit yes this is a bit tricky but based on what you have said it is very likely you have had herpes all these years and like so many people, you didn't know! You can take blame for that.... that is one part of this equation you need to let go of. You can't change the past but you CAN change the future. The torment you feel is natural and learning to deal with the knowledge you have herpes is always a Rollercoaster. You will adjust and learn to accept the reality of herpes but your emotional unrest has absolutely nothing to do with herpes. Once again..... herpes is a blessing, it has show up now to help you find true happiness and authenticity. It's not here to punish you for your I discretion nor is it a statement of your value. Herpes is the guiding light for you to face your issues and get real. Your husband has herpes and you most probably are the one who gave it to him. You need to be honest. You need to tell him about the virus and help him understand it. You also need to tell him about the affairs, your outbreaks are a result of the stress you are feeling surrounding your secrets and if you let the secrets out you will free yourself from that burden and then you and your husband can really deal with what is going on. Ironically., based on the info you gave it sounds like you had herpes long before the affairs so they are irrelevant to the virus (although it would be the right thing to do to contact those partners to tell them what you now know) they may or may not have Contacted it from you but they should know they were exposed so they don't go passing it unknowingly to others. These are all hard things to do but it will eat you up and destroy you little by little if you don't take responsibility for your choices, own them then allow yourself a d your husband to Heal. This may bring you closer in the long run or it may break you up but the truth will set you both free. He deserves the truth and you deserve to get to the bottom of what made you cheat and dig deep to find out who YOU are and what you value. We all make mistakes, what matters is how we deal with them. Lies and secrets destroy lives .. you have a real chance to change your life for the better and herpes just forced your hand. As for the virus itself, your body seems to handle it quite well so physically it won't be a major life change for you. Your issues are emotional, we all feel the stigma at first but you will get past that if you put the effort into accepting yourself and loving yourself. It sounds like that is the first step for you. I have had herpes for over 15yrs and have gone through a host of challenges but in the end I have learned that herpes doesn't define me, how I treat myself and others is what does.

@Dolly213 welcome! I typed this days ago but foot to post it!! I wad 25 when I got ghsv2 ....I am now 42 and let me be the first to tell you, everything is going to be golden! Herpes is your blessing not your curse. It had cleared your path and shown you that abusive and destructive men have no place in your life so you should actually thank herpes for saving you from a life of despair with an addict. You deserve more than that and herpes will guide you towards self love and acceptance. Take time to find out who YOU are and what you want from life. It's not your job to save anyone, you need to take care if yourself and find your own path in life. You can change people you can only change yourself, the rest is out of your hands.

@notsurehere the odds of you getting herpes from her are zero if she doesn't have it! Just because her ex has it, doesn't mean she does. I agree yoy should both get tested to determine if it's relevant before you start assuming it is. A lot of discordant couples never pass along the virus. If she does test positive then taking suppressive medication would significantly drop your risk along with using condoms. If you test positive, you like had herpes already since it takes generally 4 to 6 months to elicit a positive result so if that happens it wouldn't be her that gave it to you.

@riverstyx That's good advice! Now you can move on and get out there more man! ;)

@riverstyx well then you could not have been exposed by her! Ha....she would "die" hmmmm if we could all go back to ignorance is bliss life would be so much simpler wouldn't it? There is a good chance you don't have herpes and if not for these tests you would have had one less thing to street about ; ) . Keep us posted on what discover with the next test and hopefully you will get to the bottom of this. It is silly to worry if you have no reason to!!!

@NothingGoodGetsAway my infectious disease doctor told me that the studies on 500mg vs 1g daily suppressive therapy show the benefit of 500mg to be equally effective. He suggested that taking more wasn't better in most cases with the exception of increasing the dose when you feel an OB coming on. As far as your maintenance dose, 500mg should be enough. For me, I had regular OB'S for many many years regardless of my lifestyle. Now that I am on suppressive treatment I get virtually zero OB'S. ... it has been a game changer. 500mg is all I take daily and it works like a charm

@riverstyx hopefully legit will chime in.... dancer is not as available for a bit but they are more knowledgeable on the testing stuff. Your situation is certainly very odd. And wow...10 years man!!! You gotta get out more ;) . Your symptoms may just be paranoia. When you said you were "with: a virgin, what does that mean? If you tested positive for hsv1 this could make some sense but 2 doesn't add up based on your story. I wish I had more insight for you! Hopefully someone els might have an explanation

@riverstyx I am not the test expert here but it sounds like you may have herpes and it took time to show up as positive.that said...... get the western blot again to be certain. The tingling may be a symptom of herpes but the western blot will hopefully clear up the confusion. Speaking of confusion, remind me why you had the herpes test done in the first place if you have no symptoms or OB and you didn't even have sex with a virgin?

@kelly as legit said.... oral is still ok as long as you have no symptoms and is less likely to pass than kissing so go for it ;)

@Mj8989 my man didn't care either and still doesn't. That said, taking Valtrex makes ME feel better. Knowing I am protecting him as much as I can makes me feel better. The Valtrex also keeps my OB'S to nearly none. Accept that accepts the risk, obviously he loves you and the truth is. ...herpes isn't a big deal if you don't make it one. Be safe, be careful but LIVE and let him love you. That is a relationship everyone wants, herpes or no herpes.

@lostgirlx chances are good, the person who wrote that and the person singing it both have herpes :) only the ignorant make those references. Herpes jokes and references are everywhere , it's easier to just realize that the words aren't about you, they are just another set of lyrics written by fools. Sometimes they are offensive sure but fuck it, that was just a really lame attempt to make the song rhyme! They need to work on some original material, herpes is the easy go to for comedians and songwriters when they don't have any decent material.( With the exception of amy Schumer and Dane cook to name a few). There are some posts with funny herpes jokes on the forum, a GOOD herpes joke is always welcome......when you can laugh at those ones, you have arrived :)

@Kelly is your bf H- ? If he is you should ideally be on the suppressive medication to protect him at least until you know if it's going to be long term with him (as much as any of us can know that). If he has ghsv2 then that's a different story. The chances of him getting oral hsv2 when he already has it is virtually nil. Only in rare cases do you get oral hsv2 to and even more rare to get hsv2 in another place. The general rule is you don't get the same herpes twice! (Always rare exception s but they are very rare). I took generic Valtrex and now take Valtrex because we cannot get generic in Canada anymore. The generic worked just as well for me. I have had ghsv2 for over 15yrs with regular OB"S foe virtually all of those years regardless of what I did. For me, Valtrex has been a complete game changer. I almost never get OB'S and I feel so much better as a result. I am also protecting my man who is H -. As for oral, yes he can still perform it on you....... just be aware of your symptoms and to be on the safe side avoid oral if any symptoms are present.

@gns3224 first of all.......everyone thinks they are "clean" and what exactly does clean mean really? Anyone who uses that reference is ignorant and delusional about the human body. Pussy, cocks, assholes, mouths are all technically dirty by nature! Regardless of what she thinks or says, you have herpes and you are NOT dirty. And by the sounds of it, she has no idea what she has......that may be willful blindness or plain old ignorance. Either way, move on, its not worth the energy. Whats done is done. As for the Valtrex, it is one of safest drugs on the market. You can be on it indefinitely with little negative impact as long as you do not have a pre-existing issue with tour liver. 500mg daily supressionn can help you feel "normal". In time your body will handle virus better and you may not need the med's daily until to get into a new relationship. The first months are hard, it does get better physically and emotionally. I have had ghsv2 for over 15yrs, Valtrex is amazing....it relieves me of OB'S and protects my H- partner. Win-win!!! It will be easier for you to move forward if you don't have constant symptoms so I encourage the Valtrex at least to give you a feeling of your new normal. You don't have to stay on it forever. Herpes is a pain in the ass but it doesn't rule your life once you learn how to manage it. Life will go on and you will be JUST FINE

@ica that is a perfect plan. follow through with that and use this as an opportunity to grow as a person in every way. I know it hurts and it feels like you just lost your best friend but the truth is...... a best friend respects you, accepts you and loves you unconditionally. It doesn't sound like you had a best friend in that man. lucky for you, you now have a chance to get to know yourself better and eventually meet an authentic best friend :)

@Taytaaaayyy you work back from the feelings you have now.... you take it day by day and you keep your chin up. Pull out all the strength inside if you and start digging yourself out of this hole, there is no value in staying in the darkness. Look at all of us on this forum who know EXACTLY how you feel and we have walked the same path only to come out the other side. Life is good over here! you will enjoy all those things again and you will experience life on a deeper level as a result of the soul searching you are forced to do thanks to herpes. it seems like you will never be happy again but you will, it just takes time and a commitment to YOURSELF. You are stronger than you think. the early stages after diagnosis are the hardest. It does get easier and one day you will look back on this and realize how far you have come and how much you have grown. Every day do something to help yourself and take a step towards positivity. don't let this swallow you up, it is sooooooo not worth your energy. Use that energy to lick your wounds and fight back. The sorrow will pass. Do things that bring you joy and make you happy, little by little you come out of the darkness and into the light where we are waiting for you :)

@Evean30 I agree with legit..... ignorance is the problem here. whether you had anal with your ex or not means absolutely nothing. having genital herpes means having herpes everywhere and anywhere in the genital/anal area. the virus lives in the nerve pathways and can OB any where in that region. He was no more safe fucking your asshole than he is getting a blowjob or kissing you. Since you are positive for both 1 and 2, you have herpes orally also most likely. the point is....... why does it matter? if he loves you and you are doing everything you can to protect him, then the risk is low. As you said, you could easily not have known and continued on the relationship. He seems pretty hung up on herpes for some reason....not sure why? his "health" is not at risk. herpes is a skin condition, not a terminal illness. It might help to get the facts about herpes and present them (learning yourself). Its hard to say who you got herpes from unless your ex is the only partner you have had, it could have been any of the partners you have been with. Never make assumptions when it comes to herpes. If this man can't learn to love and accept you and the risk then its best to let him go. He can go roll the dice with someone else who could very well unknowingly give herpes to him! Its time for you both to get educated and if this was meant to be it will bring you closer and create a much more meaningful relationship. There is something that doesn't sit right about his "issue" with herpes so an open conversation would be a good thing for you both. Don't let herpes be a bigger deal than it is....... and don't let him diminish you based on ignorance

@taytaaaayyy everything you are describing is physical. It's skin deep and it's also normal to feel the way you feel. What is extreme, is your feeling that life is worth so little to you that a little std is grounds for ending it. I can tell you that herpes seems like a much bigger deal than it is.... it is sooooo small in the big picture of life! I can tell you that attractiveness, Fitness and hot sex are all still part of your life.. why wouldn't they be? The sexual freedom just takes on another layer, it certainly doesn't disappear . You need only be mindful of the virus and get on suppressive meds to protect your partner. Educate yourself on this site and learn about the virus, know the risks then move on with your life girlfriend. I have had the virus since I was 25, I am now 42 and I can tell you I have had the best sex of my life with herpes and with a H- partner. I am a fitness professional and take great care of myself, herpes doesn't hold me back and doesn't define me. most of the world has herpes so you are far from alone. I know its hard to accept in the beginning and you feel like your life will never be the same. You are right, it won't be the same....it will be BETTER. Choose life and choose happiness. You are the same sexy chick, don't let herpes take that from you, it would be a complete waste of a potentially spectacular life. it would help if you could find someone to talk to about your suicidal feelings, they are not to be taken lightly and you need help working through them. A professional therapist would help you greatly. Hang in there kid, you will be OK. work through your feelings and ask for help, we have all struggled with the initial shock and horror of herpes but as a veteran of the virus, take it from me...... HERPES doesn't deserve the power you are giving it. take your power back and build yourself back up, you have a full and amazing life waiting to be lived.

@ica it sounds like this man is bad news and herpes came along in your life to prove that once and for all. Herpes is showing you clearly the kind of man he is and that you need to leave the relationship. anyone who treats their partner that way should be shown the door. Instead of going to herpes dating sites right away, I would suggest you take some time ALONE. Deal with your diagnosis and find out who you really are INSIDE. take time to love and care for yourself, you don't need a man for that.....it comes from within. Once you find your own inner happiness, you will attract better quality men who don't treat you like dirt. you deserve more.

@Blindsided not everyone has bad OB's, you will just hear more about them on here. If you find the right girl, supressive meds are going to dramatically reduce the risk. You can get an RX from planned parenthood, a GP, a STI clinic.... I am on 500mg daily to protect my H- partner but the meds have also dramatically reduced the frequency and severity of my OB's. being on the meds and having a loving, supportive partner makes herpes virtually irrelevant in my life. It doesn't have to consume you :)

@Mrose90 the guys that bolt are the kind of guys who are just focused on a hook up, not on a cool chick with more to offer than pussy. Those guys aren't worth feeling bad over, you can thank herpes for weeding out the douche bags. You will find kind and caring men eventually but you first have to stop seeing yourself in a negative light. You can only attract positive when you put positive energy out there. OWN your status don't let it own you. All your feelings are normal. Let yourself feel them then move on. Don't wallow, pick up, dust off and be your NEW self. A more grounded, soulful chick who now sees the world through more compassionate eyes. If herpes is the worst thing to happen to you, consider yourself one of the lucky ones. As for a cure... there isn't one. There likely won't be one in our lifetime. We all hope for one of course but don't focus on that long shot. Instead focus on managing the virus and learning to live with it. The peroxide won't cure you and regardless of your immune function you will never be able to rid yourself of the virus. Once you have it, you have it for life. Just like 80% of the population! If you choose to take this as a positive challenge and an opportunity to dig deep and find out who you really are and what you really value you will see herpes as a blessing instead of a curse. Herpes plays virtually no role in my life anymore. I have a gorgeous, loving H- partner who doesn't give two shits that I have herpes and does care if he gets it. It's irrelevant in our relationship. I do take antivirals and they have been a godsend for me. I take them for ME, he doesn't care if I do or not. They are really not as hard on your body and people think. One of the safest, most effective drugs on the market. Suppressive therapy of 500mg a day won't ruin your liver. Just food for thought :) Welcome to the club girlfriend..... its actually a great club to belong to, we have so many cool, elevated people here :)