FiguringThisOut

Good question, I'm gonna read along. I take multivitamins pretty much daily all through the year. Not on any other herpes medication. I have a few outbreaks a year, no real severe ones, but I have no idea if the multivitamins are of any real influence. I do take them to support my immune system in general.

No he didn't have herpes when we got together and he hasn't had any signs of it since he's been with me, luckily. Disclosing was super scary but he took it really well so that was a big relief. (more detailed disclosure story in an old post of mine: https://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2892/first-herpes-talk-with-a-new-guy-so-relieved#latest). Oh and it's HSV-2.

Who else struggles more with their emotions when they have an outbreak? I can't really complain about my herpes physically that much. I've had herpes for four years now. Most ob's are one spot at the time, and in the last year there were always at least a few months in between ob's. Can't complain much about about social support or romantic insecurities either. I've been with my boyfriend for over two years and we can openly talk about it. However, my outbreaks seem to go together with mental/emotional breakdowns. Even with small outbreaks, I tend to feel unhappy / emotional / clingy / restless but tired / insecure about many (non-herpes related) things I do. I'm not a total mess but just cannot feel at peace with myself. (I guess it sounds a little like girls on their period, but I never had that.) Can anyone relate to this?

Thanks for the comments guys! It's helpful to see some different perspectives on the matter :)

Thanks for your response and your story. It is absolutely true that I was/am projecting myself into the unpersonal story. And I guess there will always be jokes about all kinds of subjects. Still, it frustrates me when people just don't seem to know the actual facts about the thing they're making fun of. I really think they were uneducated about the subject instead of trying to be mean or something. Guess I'll keep looking for a way to smoothly insert those facts into the conversation before I find a way to change the subject and continue having a good evening.

So I had this REALLY awkward situation at a party last week and I was wondering if anyone has been through a similar kind of experience. Maybe we can share some thoughts and figure out a way to deal with these situations. It was a party at a friend's house, all college/university students. The party just got to that point were people were all tipsy but not super drunk or anything, so they talk and laugh easily but they also actually know what they're saying. I walked up to a group where a friend of mine was sitting with some of his friends, curious about the seemingly hilarious story one of them was telling. Unfortunately, I then figured out he was telling worst-case herpes stories with a big smile on his face, the way people laugh at funniest home videos I gues: "hahahaha that is sooo gross" etc. It hit me that he was presenting these stories as 'that is what herpes is', as if every person with herpes gets the very-worst-scenario (of which I even wondered if it was realistic or exaggerated, really). So the way they were talking about herpes REALLY bothered me, but at the same time I felt like I couldn't say anything. For a moment I imagined disclosing right there and tell them what it's really like, but that didn't seem like a good idea: imagine a girl at a party, telling a group of guys about what her herpes is like. Even imagining their faces frightened me, so I kept my mouth shut. I tried faking a perspective from someone who doesn't have herpes but knows it's not always that bad, but I felt within a minute I wasn't going to keep that appearance up. How lucky was I that my boyfriend caught my eye and took me for a walk to get of of there for a little bit. His support means the world to me and it gets me back on my feet to return to the party. Apparently we had been gone for quite a while and some people were already looking for us (takes a while to get all the tears out and then feel ready to show your face again, you know...), so maybe this wasn't the best way to deal with it either. Plus I am still frustrated with the way people use herpes as a gross joke. I'm just wondering... Is there a way to go into that conversation when you make them stop talking about herpes like that without making everyone, including yourself, super awkward?

Hi! Your story sounds pretty awful, I'm sorry for that. Hope this forum can help you out a bit! I can answer only a few of your questions even though I've been walking around with herpes for about two years now. I can't really tell when an OB is coming either, and sometimes I notice it all feels irritated down there and I wonder if that's part of herpes too, but there's a discussion going on about that in another topic right now, right here: http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/5819/can039t-tell-if-i039m-having-a-herpes-outbreak#Item_5 As for having sex during an outbreak: you will still have skin contact with all the skin around the condom, which is a risk. With oral sex you their is a chance of getting cold sores on the mouth, so that's not very appealing either... But here are lots of other ideas that are safe: http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/5807/list-the-ways-to-protect-my-partner-from-getting-herpes-hsv2#Item_30

Well done! :) Glad she reacted so well! I'm 21, got it when I was 19, and was also afraid to tell my mom back then, as she's very decent and I was scared she might think I had been fooling around and acted irresponsible. When I went to the docter, I didn't realise the medical bill would still be sent to her instead of me because I was under her insurance. So a few months later she asked me what that medical bill was for.... Embarrassing!! But she also responded fine. Conclusion: don't be so scared of telling those people that are close to you. As for your sister; I can see why you don't want her to know anyway... Pity there are such strong false assumptions in the world.

I have sort of the same problem; redness, irritated skin, a little painful, but no bumps or blisters or anything. Happens every now and then, so I was also wondering if this is because of herpes or not. Hope someone can answer our question! Thanks!

Hi Hula, I can only tell you my experience; being someone with herpes dating someone who doesn't. When I started dating again after being single for a while and not having to tell anyone about having herpes, I was pretty scared of how te guy would respond if I told him, when I should tell him, all that stuff. Sometimes you just go like: why would he want to date a girl that could pass this on to him, instead of any other girl? Well, it's because you guys really like each other. And when you really want to be with someone, you know you have to accept their downsides too. Being on this side, it's quite important how the person you date responds to the whole herpes thing. Yes, herpes is incredibly annoying and painful at times, but that's all. It's not dangerous, it's not obvious to others that you have it. Nothing more than a nuisance. So basically, when you don't want to take the risk of having sex with him even when protected, you are rejecting him over the possibility (not even definite consequence) of getting that nuisance. Imagine what that could do to someone's self-confidence. You emphasize the idea in someone's head that this condition makes him unwanted. On the other hand: if you accept this thing and if you feel like he's worth the possible nuisance, that's when he will feel fully accepted by you. I was so relieved when i told my guy about it. First of all he wanted to know what it was really like and what the risks were for him to get if from me. When I told him these things honestly, he thought about it (which he should! Otherwise he'd be senseless) and then he was like: OK. I can deal with that to be with you. Which gives me even more reason to love him :) So even if you think relationships don't last forever - (even though I disagree with that) think about how much you want to be with him now and in the near future, and what that's worth. Is this relationship worth more than have an annoying skin condition? Otherwise you might have to overthink the whole relationship itself. Good luck!

Hi guys! I remember visiting this forum for the first time not long after the break up with the boyfriend I had when I first discovered I had herpes. I felt miserable because of that break up but also I was very scared of how I would ever date someone again and tell them about my STD. So I read many many stories about the disclosures of other on this forum and it helped me to read about different experiences with the talk. And now here I am! Half a year later, giggling and forgetting about the rest of the world when staring into the eyes of this guy I'm dating now. All very cute, and at some point dating turned into a sleepover. Sweaters and t-shirts were taken off but I really felt I had to tell him before going any further than that and this idea still really scared me. What if it was a total turn off? What if I didn't seem that amazing to him anymore with this information? But I got myself together and started saying something like hey, I don't know how far we want to take this tonight and it's not like I would do anything unsafe, but... - at that point he looked at me like uhmmm yeah why are you telling me all this? - I thought it would be only fair to tell you that I picked up herpes some time in the past. I think my heart skipped a beat at that point and I looked at him, unsure about how he would respond to that. He took a second or two, probably to realise what I had really just said. And then he was like okay, but I don't know that much about it, and he asked me for some short facts on the risks for him and what we should or shouldn't do. So I told him and then he said it was the right thing that i told him and he was totally fine with it! No issue at all, no turn off, just a short reasonable talk and then more kisses and more ;) I felt so relieved and so happy!! And a few days later he stayed the night again so he didn't change his mind eithe or anything :) I hope this can give some confidence to those who are feeling the same way I did earlier this year. Don't worry too much, if you meet someone who like you, then he/she will appreciate the honestly and practical facts, and herpes will not ruin anything :)

Thank you for the response and the article. I hadn't read that one yet. The strangest thing is: At the time my doctor told me that this kind of test was the only option to proof it was herpes. My ex got told the same by his doctor. So I hadn't even thought of looking for other tests. But I will definitely look into getting a bloodtest now, just to be sure!

Hi! I was hoping some people would share their thoughts on my case. I've been tested on herpes about one year ago when I had a horrible outbreak. The test didn't actually prove that it was herpes but my doctor said something probably went wrong with it and that she couldn't think of it being anything else than herpes. Of course the outbreak was a pain, but for the rest I was ok with it because I had a boyfriend who accepted it completely. But a few weeks ago we broke up and now I'm struggling with the idea of having to tell someone new before getting intimate. Most of all I'm wondering: should I go to the doctor for another test when I have another OB to be certain or can I just accept it as herpes because the symptoms match? Thanks!