Montana Skies

**Negative post alert** So I know this group is supppose to be encouraging and uplifting, I just dont see the "opportunity". This virus wreaks havoc on our lives physically and more so emotionally in a lot of cases. It steals joy and depletes self confidence. Though I see the morality in self disclosure-- why are we supppse to be the sole defenders in eliminating transmission? Afterall, no one saved (most of) us and waived the HSV warning flag in our face. I truly believe that dating someone that already has virus is the way to go. Disclosing is such a vlunerable thing, that causes stress and anxiety, followed by hurt-once rejected; dating someone with the virus elimates all of that. I also think having to worry about keeping your partner safe equally causes stress and anxiety and less sexual enjoyment. The social/mental aspect of the virus is horrific; no other disease would have people gossipping, riduculing, and talking about you. Additionally the medical community has no clue about anything other than textbook symptoms. This virus is not textbook and litterally manifests differently from person to person. The virus can and does spread to different areas including lips, mouth, throat, ears, eyes, nose, fingers, hands, etc. You can look at many forums and find people suffering from the above ailments. It is easily spread despite statistics that may lead you to believe otherwise. They additionally are not even working to find functional- cures as is being done for HIV. Ive read multiple forums and followed various HSV advocates, and have come to the conclusion that this virus is like a scarlett letter internally on our chest. I apologize in advance if my rant has offended anyone...just needed to vent.

@Catwoman Im sorry you had to experience such a devasting betryal. I experienced a violation of my Hippa privacy rights and had a devasting effect on my personal and professional life as well. I also live in a small town and the rumors, jokes, and whispers continue to this day although it was 17 yrs ago. My mental health has continued to suffer. I was unable to leave the area due to numerous reasons but truly believe I would be in a much more peaceful state of mind if I did. I wish you all the best on your nre journey.

@Tiredmommaj I completely understand your fears and worries. My child is a teen now and I had the same fears during her younger years. I also feel that the virus has spread to other parts of my body, though doctors have been dimissive of my concerns. I know auto innoculation is supposed to be rare after you have an established infection, but I think the research on that theory is out of date. HSV is contagious and you do not have to have sores or lesions present to pass it on. I think you should get his red spots tested if you can as you will continue to worry about it in the future.

@ForeverCelibate Whew....way to unload‼️ It seems like you just need to vent- and thats okay. I don't think you are really open to hearing anything other than the narrative that you put in your head at the moment. Maybe you should consider therapy may to work through all the negative self reflection/image/worth talk. Despite this virus you are valued and deserve love and kindness in your life. I really do hope you find healing and wish you well🙏🏾💕⚘

@ForeverCelibateSounds like you are in a dark place right now. But the sun will shine again, you just need some time. Your suicide attempt was unsuccessful because you were meant To Be Here and Live‼️ I do agree that the information on auto innoculation and having antibody protection from being reinfected in other areas, is simply old and out dated. Many people on different forums have reported similar situations. It makes since...its a skin infection and can spread. We were simply the unlucky ones. STDs are a symptom of sex. So unless you have every partner tested prior to any sexual activities, you are taking a risk. I agree that I would not knowingly date someone with the virus in knowing what I do now. If you are truly terrified of passing the virus to anyone then perhaps you should look into dating one of the millions of people that are already infected. HSV does change your life but it only changes your character if you let it. I wish you well on your new journey. 💕💕

What a crappy doctor! Very unethical!! Maybe you can look into suing her once you are in a healthy place. I however can't help to envy such a revelation, even after all of the turmoil. I would love nothing more than to be rid of this disease.

@ThisHurts This disease simply sucks. I've learned that anything other than typical symptoms are ignored or minimized. You just have to figure it out on your own. Even listening to Terri Warren, an expert, she tends to dismiss atypical symptoms as well. I really don't think the medical community has a clue of what all is capable with this dosease. I've been praying for a cure foe years. Don't think it will happen in my lifetime.

@89star Girl I was so naive and uneducated when I got diagnosed. I did not think it was a big deal and would have such a large impact on my life. I also really thought we would have a cure by now. In terms of disclosing you really don't want to take a persons choice to have sex with someone with an incurable/contagious disease away from them. A potential mate may fill angry, cheated, lied to if you disclose after being intimate with them. I know disclosing puts us into such a vulnerable space but we would all prefer for our givers to have given us a choice.

Well you are definitely in a stressful situation. I would recommend that you just be honest with him. I know from experience that keeping secrets eats at your soul eventually. If you want to save face you could suggest that you get STD tested together. For your own sanity you should get a blood test instead of a visual diagnosis.

Thank you for the encouragement and positivity. Its nice to see others living a free and fulfilled life despite this life sentence.

Well here goes my experience. I'm a herpes vet as I've had the virus for 20 + yrs now. I wish i had a more positive story but I allowed this virus to ruin my life. I have been extremely embarrassed and humiliated in having the virus which kept me from disclosing to friends or family. I experienced a violation of my Hippa privacy rights by a pharmacy tech ( that I did not know) that decided to come to my church one day and tell multiple people of my status. I was too young, naive, and humilated to sue as I should have. I live in a small rurual area where everyone is connected as such this info spread to everyone and still follows me to this day 14 years later. This has caused me intense fear/anxiety in obtaining medical care because I literally know many of the providers or employees of the clinics through professional or personal relationships. I desperately want to move but my husband is against this. I can say that I was able to find love and have a child despite the virus. I however found the intense fear and embarrassment to be too much to have another child as I wanted. I will say that the emotional symptoms have far outweighed the physical ones. I just knew there would be a cure by now however I've become resigned to the fact this will truly be lifelong for me.

Just wondering if you are muslim? If you are i came across a support/dating group for muslims only with HSV. Try a google search its called blessings from above....or something similar.

Wow, I'm sorry to hear of the physical and emotional turmoil you are experiencing. I wonder if you have been tested for any underlying illnesses that may be exasperating your outbreaks like being immunocompromised or having an autoimmune disorder. Have your doctors prescribed any non HSV medications to try to help?

@VA2121 just wondering how you are doing? Re-evaluating and looking over your life in your 40s brings about many mid life crisis...me included. HSV definitely robes us in one way or another but what good is it to lament over it. I'm speaking from personal experience as I also still struggle with my diagnosis 20+ years later. As for your spouse I completely understand where you are coming from. However, try changing your prespective. Many married couples are miserable and end in divorce without HSV issues. I look at friends/families marriages (without HSV issues) and theyve dealt with all kind of crap i.e infidelity, separations, drug abuse, babies outside of the marriage, domestic violence, etc. My point is the grass is not greener on the other side; try making an effort to work on yourself first and marital issues second. You might realize that you already have everything you need to find the joy in your life by changing your lens.