Kristin (breatheandletgo)

Were you diagnosed with oral or genital herpes, Culture?

I am working on some Herpes Opportunity support resources for newly diagnosed herpster brothers and sisters and need your help! (Pretty please?) Tell me what you wish you'd been told, what you needed that you didn't get from your doctor, etc. when you first heard the h-word. I know so many of us had really painful experiences. The goal in sharing is to provide comfort, reassurance and resources for those who will have the same experience and hopefully educate healthcare providers toward more compassionate care. Much love, Kristin

Just a reminder to everyone on this thread...if you haven't posted Your Herpes Story, do it! http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/categories/your-herpes-story It will be a healing exercise for you, and a blessing to others who will feel empowered to share their own stories. Sharing your story also gives you a chance to ask questions, get support specific to your experience and help a buddy find you! Be strong and courageous! Kristin

Strengthfromwithin! Yay! So glad you are coming.... We are going to have a wonderful weekend. :)

time4changes, Great advice! I sent this to my kids for a reminder... Thank you for sharing! much love, Kristin

Well said, Los. Janice...I am so glad you were not hurt in your car accident. I am so grateful to God you and the other driver are okay. Truly. Cars can be replaced. There is no one like you...you cannot be replaced and you are such a blessing to me and everyone here you touch with your gentle and loving heart. Love you my friend, Kristin

Great post Janet! I love it so much. Like Lelani, you always speak to my heart. Thank you for being a part of our family here. Happy New Year, Gorgeous!

Rubberduck, I am so glad you are here. You have such a sweet spirit about you. Your post was such a sincere expression of your experience. I know what you write here will help others find comfort too. Sharing our stories in a safe community...and you are safe here...is such an important part of healing and moving forward. You are healing. If you read my story, you will see I had some heartbreak mixed in with my diagnosis as well. I completely understand your sadness. Getting the diagnosis and then realizing the person you cared for and want to forgive and work through this new reality with doesn't want to be a part of your life anymore. It hurts. Keep posting here when you feel that and know you are loved. Love yourself and be gentle with yourself right now. Give yourself what you wanted Sam to give you. I am learning to do that when the sadness comes of feeling alone and isolated. The work of being the love of my own life. Sometimes its giving myself rest. Sometimes it's getting a pedicure or buying some new music and dancing all alone. Sometimes it is cooking something I like and lighting candles and curling up with good movie. In fact, I did that last night for New Year's Eve and I didn't have sadness. I was surprised I wasn't sad, but I really felt good. Peaceful. Anyway, so glad you are here, Duckie. :) Keep posting and thank you for your vulnerability. You will find your way to a peaceful place about Sam. You will look back and have new perspective over time if you stay with yourself. Sending you a warm hug... Kristin [p.s. I deleted your extra post for you]

Hey Alex... So glad you are here. I am still learning about HSV-1 that occurs genitally...I have HSV-2...but I am referring you to a really great resource online that has good up-to-date information: http://westoverheights.com/handbook.html Have you gone back to the doctor since you were positive for HSV-1? Did your doctor discuss anti-virals with you? I am asking because I am working on information for newly diagnosed friends and want to answer common questions. I am sorry you are here, are dealing with discomfort and have had to endure so much frustration getting treatment and diagnosis. Sending you warm hugs and well wishes...and I know others will be along soon to chime in. much love, Kristin

Janice, I'm feeling it all with you, mate. I love you to pieces. Thank you for being the beautiful, amazing woman you are. You bring so much love to this community. I know the Big Love you long for is on its way to you. Until then, keep loving you. You deserve every beautiful thing. I know you know this, but I want everyone else to know too...you are the angel of these boards and my angel friend....and now the Christmas angel! (I always think of Linus from the Peanuts Christmas reading this in their Christmas pageant while Schroeder plays the piano quietly underneath). ....and the angel was upon them saying...Behold! I bring you good tidings of great joy!" That's you, my love. Merry Christmas! K

Welcome to our community Humour... Glad you are here... Tell us how we can support you. much love, Kristin

Bella, I am so glad you opened up and shared yourself here. I can hear the pain in your words and wish I could reach through the screen and give you a hug. I know right now you really need one. So consider yourself hugged. ((((Bella)))) I also want you to know you are in a safe place here. So many of us have been where you are and have done the hard work of moving ourselves toward healing from our shame and started making better choices and living with integrity. Learning to love ourselves is our greatest work. It is out of that love that everything else flows. I am really learning this more and more...and I have a hunch I'm a little older than you are. ;) Maya Angelou says it like this: “I do not trust people who don't love themselves and yet tell me, 'I love you.' There is an African saying which is: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt.” For years I was a naked person offering a shirt to someone, anyone, in an attempt to get the love I so desperately needed. What I needed to do was clothe myself, and feel beautiful. Doing that work has been hard, but I am so proud of myself for doing it. I feel the need to address this comment "Julian's" mother made... "you were the worst thing that happened to my son if my son is infected god will curse you for the rest of your life"...... I want to tell you what she said is a lie. I want to stand in her place and say you are a blessing, you are here for a reason only you can discover, and loving yourself is step one. God does not curse...he blesses. God is love. So do not take that on for a minute. Second, I think much of your personal anguish at the moment is because you went against your conscience. No matter what your guide is, whether it be the Bible or just your own personal code of ethics, when you violate that, you hurt. And you hurt so you know not to do it again. When my children were little I told them...I may only have time to tell you, hold my hand while we cross the street, but what I am really saying is...You are my treasure! If anything happened to you my heart would be broken! Please stay close to me so I can keep you safe! Your conscience is your inner mom telling you...stop hurting yourself! You are a treasure! You are loved! Be good to yourself and stay safe! You haven't listened to that so you are hurting and you have hurt others. But there is always a way out...and that is through. Start today to listen to your highest self and you will find your way forward. Stay here and keep posting. There are so many wise and kind people here. I would also add... maybe you need to write a letter to Julian and seek his forgiveness. I know for myself it would be important to make an effort in that direction. Even if he tears it to shreds, you will know you made an effort to bring peace to a situation when you have caused harm. It is up to him whether he chooses to forgive you or not. You can only ask. And then forgive yourself...and that work can be the hardest work of all. much love, Kristin

CAS, So glad you are here. Have you taken a look at Adrial's disclosure e-book? If not, definitely do that. It is full of great advice on the how and when and what to say... I'd also check out some of our disclosure success stories on that boards. SO MANY have gone before you and I know they would be honored to support a sister! Send someone a private message if their story resonates with yours and see if you might be able to practice with him/her. Begin with loving and supporting yourself in taking this next step. You will know when it's time for you to share this part of yourself with your new guy. Warm hugs, Kristin P.s. you can also go back to the homepage and sign up for a time to talk to Adrial. He is an amazing support!

Sayyywhatt, First things first...get yourself to a planned parenthood clinic and find out if you are pregnant. If you are, you need support and guidance in taking care of your health. Second, it sounds like you are really confused about what you want. Going from one guy to the next and back can't be good for you emotionally or physically. I felt stressed out just reading it! I can't imagine living it! Sweetie, until you slow down and start to take care of yourself, your emotions and stress are going to be in overdrive. That is going to create a host of problems, least of which might be constant outbreaks. When you don't know what to do next, be still and listen to your own voice. How long has it been since you've done that? What is the next right thing that voice tells you to do? Do that. I wish someone had told me in my twenties to be the love of my OWN life before I tried to sign someone else up for that job. I know that's not easy, but if do, you will give yourself the time learn what you want and need so you can choose a good partner for yourself. Please feel free to message me off the boards if there is anything I can do, love. Warm hugs, Kristin

Hi TL and welcome! I think when you disclose is dependent upon the relationship. I disclosed right away when I felt things might "go there" rather quickly. But I think each situation should be weighed and measured on its own. There's no magic number of dates or interactions...I think you just feel your way there. Maybe it is when both of you begin sharing more personal things. Let it be a part of natural conversation as intimacy grows. I would assume before you are sexual with someone you talk about sexual history, etc. If not, you definitely should, not just for his protection but for yours too! If you feel things heading that direction, bring it up. Adrial's e-book is really awesome and full of ideas on how to disclose. I hear a lot of people say they feel like they are keeping a big secret, etc. but it isn't a secret...it's private until you choose to share it, and those are two different things. Everyone is entitled to privacy until they want to be known. You aren't doing anything wrong by waiting until you feel safe. I hope that helps answer your question, and again...welcome. You are among friends. warm hugs, Kristin

Awesome, Brenda! Can't wait to meet you! :) Kristin

I have a tendency to put everyone else ahead of me on the list. My kids, my work, bills, etc. add a million other things after that. But THIS year I am saying... 1. Screw you Visa. You will get your minimum payment for a while. 2. Sexy new boots, you are cool as hell and make my ass look great, but you will not make my soul grow. 3. New iPhone, you will not be cooler than my old iPhone. In fact, your maps might not even work. 4. Starbucks baristas, I appreciate that you know "my drink" but we're taking a break. You are free to date other people. Why you ask? Well, I am going to the Herpes Opportunity Seminar in NC this January. I have work to do on myself and it is an investment in ME that is long overdue. It's not a million dollars. It's a relatively SMALL investment in a huge return on ME. I will spend a weekend with other really cool people working on healing me. Loving me. Knowing ME. And I will be glad I went. So who is with me? Who wants to go to North Carolina and be my new BFF? I need some new ones who know what a bitch it can be to overcome the stigma and shame of Herpes. I need friends who want to kick Herpes' ass and live the life they've imagined in their bravest moments this year. That's what we will do the weekend of January 18-20. Are you coming? And while I'm at it, I'm going to throw down another challenge. If you can't go for some INSANE reason I do not accept even without hearing it...send someone else. Those of you with the means to give to charity this year, give the gift of healing to someone here who can't afford to go but desperately needs to be there. If you want to do that, message Adrial or myself and we will make it happen. There are only a few spots left, so if you think you might want to go, set up a time to chat with Adrial and get busy making plans. LOVE you all like crazy. Kristin. aka breatheandletgo.

gifted, What Lelani said. :) I would also add...when I don't know what to do about something, I do the next right thing for me. That might be finishing a project or taking a nap or going for a walk...it might be a lot of things. Making a habit of doing the next right thing for you will teach you how to take care of yourself in this new reality you are living. Surround yourself with supportive and caring people. Guard your anxious thoughts and do what you can to replace them with positive ones. When they come, challenge them...because what you say to yourself is quite powerful. Keep posting, friend and know you are loved just as you are. Kristin

This is waaaaayyyy cool. :) So happy for you!! Kristin

Harlow, I would just give him the information and let him take the next steps. Outbreak or no outbreak, he should get tested. I know you are scared and want to reassure him, but I think the less you say about transmission rates, etc. the better. Send him here or to Adrial's blog for information. This is also a helpful link: http://westoverheights.com/handbook.html I think the best approach is to be straightforward and apologize for not disclosing, point him to resources and let him process it. Give him time to figure out what he wants to do. I have so much compassion for you...I know how it feels to compromise your own values. It's so painful. The only way out of the pain is to take responsibility for your actions. It will also go a long way in helping him forgive you if he wants to move forward with a relationship. Tell him you understand if he is angry or upset and be open to hearing his feelings. I know you must be hurting, and we are here for you. (((((Harlow))) Just don't let your own shame and pain keep you from telling him right away. The longer you wait, the more angry he will likely be. Yes, you may tell him and he may worry for nothing. But if you wait and he has an outbreak, he will likely have a much harder time trusting you if you choose to move forward with a relationship. Give him all of the consideration now that you would want to be given to you. After you have done that, you can let go of the outcome and focus on working on yourself. Getting strong within yourself and knowing you will do better next time. Sending you lots of love, Kristin aka breatheandletgo

And I agree with Adrial on his thoughts about your giver. I know you are angry with him. You have a right to be angry, but the healthier choice for YOU is to let him go. Free yourself from your anger. He is likely feeling ashamed and scared or completely shut down and defensive, unable to share honestly. If he is in that place, he will not be able to be present for you in a way that supports your recovery. ((((JustTryingToHeal)))

JustTrying, I responded to your PM. I am here. If I were you...and this is just me...I'd ask him to show you proof of his Dr. visit. You are sharing very personal information with him. If he is coming from a caring place, he will be happy to show you. If he can feel your pain even a little, he will be willing to be that honest. If not, you don't meet. You have shared the most intimate thing two people can share. If he can't go there with you, prove to you he has seen a doctor, then I wouldn't bother. You won't believe what he says anyway. It will keep you stuck in this cycle on confusion and questioning and what you really need to do right now is begin to heal. More lies won't help you in that process. But again, this is just me. My giver wasn't even willing to talk to me. I never spoke to him. If he would have wanted to I would have wanted to know in advance he was prepared to be completely honest. I was more interested in taking care of me.

Welcome to you, I am. So glad you are with us. You are in the right place. :) I can really identify with your shock...it's normal. Glad you shared yourself with us and let us get to know you a little more. Sending you lots of love and support, Kristin aka breatheandletgo

Trying to heal....sending you so much love. Take good care of yourself right now. I am so sorry your giver isn't being supportive. Read my story. I really understand. Feel free to message me if you need to ask questions you aren't ready to ask on the boards, OK? I'm here. You're gonna get through this. Much love, Kristin aka breathe

Lelani, I love you! Your friends are so lucky to have you for support and encouragement, and you are right. It is instant perspective to walk beside a friend who is fighting for their lives. I have been there. In fact...when one of my besties got cancer last year I got her this hat to wear after chemo. She loved it...and all the proceeds go to research. You can order one here: www.jackiefarry.com I'm here if you need me. xo Kristin