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DeMar

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  1. I am so worried about here. W live on opposite parts of the country so I can't be with her, can't help here. SHe doesn't want me there either otherwise I would fly out. She is freaking out. She may have to have an operation the will require medication that will clash with antivirals and I feel she is in panic mode really badly. I don't know what I can do to helpt. She won't take my calls. I don't know what I could say anyway. She sends me occasional texts where it's like she explodes with panic about how her life is going to be now. She doesn't see the possibilty of a normal life that so many people with herpes have as she is in total reaction mode right now. She feels she cannot share this with anyone in her friends or family. It is so difficult for her. The only person she can talk to at all is me and she can't face me right now. We spoke last night and then she saw her doctor today. I thought things would get better but they have got worse. I'm really worried. I don't know what to do.
  2. Thanks Distressed Lady, We texted more last night and she told me more about what she is going through, and it is awful. Herpes was so different for me, I didn't even notice I had it! Yet she is going through huge pain, swollen lymph nodes, pain in her groin, arm pit, tonsils, under her neck, and the pain in her groin is so intense. Added to that she is feeling very very low about herself, she is angry at herself, and at the world, and she is having trouble seeing a future quality of life. She can't contemplate any future love life or sex life right now although she says she still loves me, but the thought of sex now makes her feel sick and terrified. And so she wants to end it, and continue her life on her own, forever single. I am heartbroken yet I cannot believe this is hte end of it... although I know it may well be. For now we are still in touch and I care immensly for her and will do anything I can to support her, even if it means ending our relationship. I still feel everything is too fraught right now and uncertain. And I feel awful but I can't give up on us until I know for certain it is over.
  3. Thanks Distressed Lady and Flowerteacher for your very kind and supportive words. I heard from her last night. She is in intense pain from the herpes and has a couple of other major things that make it worse, one pituitary related. So she does blame herself for allowing this to happen to her and she is angry at life too. At the moment she feels like she can never have a love life. She is very very low right now. Once she gets through this I don't know if we'll still be together. It's not about me right now. She suffers from anxiety and right now her stress is through the roof. It is awful what she is going through and she feels very much alone. She doesn't feel she can talk to anyone... the sigma. She has decided to see her doctor although it has taken a week feeling too embarrassed. Please don't judge her, we all come from different backgrounds and although I think it's crazy to be so embarrassed to stop you seeing the doctor when you're in pain, I can understand it too. What is the best way I can support her from the other side of the country? I don't think she would be up for a visit right now. I don't think she could handle the stress.
  4. OMG I am in almost the exact situation. I was in a LDR for a year and we were a week out from meeting for the first time when I got diagnosed as HSV2. I had no idea and suddenly it was all over. My SO is immuno-compromised so the danger to her was heightened. I thought it was over but she said she still wanted to meet and when we did it was amazing. We were crazy for each other before, had told each other we loved each other and when we met in person everything felt so natural and happy adn it was an amazing 2 weeks. We ended up having unprotected sex after condom trouble and a few days of resisting. She said she was all in. And when I left I was so happy. We both were. Then 3 weeks later and it looks like she has caught it. And it's hit when she has some other stuff going on too. LAst week she told me she needed space and was going to disappear for a bit. And she has. I've onyl had a couple of texts from her adn they have been brief, cold even. I know she is going through a really hard time but I am pushed outside. I feel helpless and scared as I thought this was the relationship I would be in for the rest of my life. SHe said she doesn't blame me but I think she hates me now. I"m terrified to lose her. I hate to think of her in pain, or scared, or shamed. I don't know what to do or if it is too late. Distressed Lady, I hope your man comes to terms with what he has, that it isn't the end of the world and realizes what he has with you is worth saving. Good luck.
  5. Hi, Thanks for the reply. I know what you mean and maybe you are right. But, it isn't that she is judging me. It is that she can't cope with the thought of catching it from me, because she has a weakened immune system. I think she also feels the stigma of it more than most. What bothers me is that she did seem to give up quickly. For me, I wanted to talk to experts in STIs and the Endochrine system and get some accurate information. But her doctor told her that because of her weakend immune system, she would probable get it from me and probably get outbreaks. (I haven't had any ever - which is why I'm so baffled). Anyway, I guess I was hoping this was a kneejerk reaction and that after a few days she'd think, hey maybe it won't be so bad for the love of my life. If the situation was reversed I would jump in a bath of herpes soup to keep her.
  6. Great question. One I can 't answer. I am in the almost exact opposite situation. I have never been aware of having had any symptoms. I had tingling at eh end of my penis but assumed it was just maybe a UTI or something like that. Then out of the blue I tested positive to HSV2. Last time I had sex was over a year ago and I used a condom (not full protection as I've now learned) an before that I was married for nearly 20 years, so I could have been carrying this for over 20 years. But I am dumbfounded that I've tested posative. And angry, as it has cost me my new relationship which has been going on a year and we got tested before we started having sex. It's not the sex I mourn, it's hte relationship because we were both so in love but my SO has a immunilogical deficiency (Traumaed pituitary gland) and cannot risk catching it (which she almost certainly would eventually). Sorry, I'm broken.
  7. Hi, I am just trying to gauge the typical reaction. I have been in an online relationship for a year and we haven't met yet due to covid but we were about to meet this week until I got my HSV2 positive result on Thursday. I told my SO on thursday and it's been a very stressful few days for us both. She got a test also and will get the result on Tuesday but has said today that if she gets a negative result, it is bad news for us, that she wants me to cancel my flights and wants us to split. She loves me but she has to take care of her health. So I am wondering has anyone had an experience with this kind of response, only for their SO to change their mind after a few days when the spin out settles? I am devastated right now as I have never loved anyone like my SO and now it looks like it's over. (I expect her to get a negative result)
  8. Thank you. I hope you and your SO can work it out. I assume he didn't know he had it. Unfortunately for me I think it is too much for my SO and she wants to break up. I am crushed. I don't know if this is a typical knee jerk reaction and she needs time or if it is over. I am feeling devastated right now.
  9. Hi, New here. I'll try and be succinct. I have been in a Long distance relationship for about a year. I've never had a connection like this and this week were are to meet for the first time. Before meeting we decided to get (sexual) health checks. Everything came back clean as expected but the herpes test was skipped. I had to go back to my GP and push for the serology test. My test came back positive for HSV2 but negative for HSV1. I was really suprised. I was certain I had had col sores as a kid although I couldn't be certain, and I had never noticed any symptoms for any STI so thought I should be negative to HSV2. I have only had 2 sexual partners in the last 20 years, 1 my now ex wife and a 1 night stand just over a year ago. I used a condom, in fact I've always used condoms. I thought this was "safe sex. I didn't realise. Either way I thought I should be very low risk so asked for a retest (results next week). Assuming the positive result is correct, I understand the standard practical and health implications for myself and can accept those. The problem, the reason this is devastating, is that my partner, who is the love of my life, has immunological issues which make this a much bigger deal for her. I will go into that in another thread as I think this is just an into place? But in short, I am devastated. Right now I expected to be floating on cloud nine, excited for spending time with my SO, starting our life together. I can't explain how crazy am for this woman and I'm nearly 50 so I've been around the block. Instead everything is unraveling before my flight next week. I don't know what to say. I don't know what I expect anyone else to say. I'm going out for a walk to get air and sunlight. I feel like my whole life has been ripped out from inside of me. I will come back with more specific questions but right now I am only pain. Thanks for listening, D
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