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DeMar

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Everything posted by DeMar

  1. Hi Jespo, I'm so sorry you're going through this right now. I know how you feel and it is devastating. But it seems like you have a really good head on your shoulders in the way you are dealing with it, even though it's hard and it hurts. Also, it sounds like you have a good support network around you which is great. So you have a lot of good in your life. I had a very similar experience to you, over years, and at the moment thankfully I have tentative hope of happy ending. Feel free to reach out if you need. I'm not online that often but I will get back to you eventually. Good luck
  2. Hi, I'm not a doctor but this is my understanding: 1. Yes 2. Yes by 50-90% depending on which study is most accurate 3. No. Hope that helps
  3. I believe it is safe. I take it like that, so I bloody he so! From what I understand, it only activates when Herpes is active.
  4. Sooner the better πŸ˜• A handy shedding test would make such a difference for couples.
  5. I'm not sure where you are but look into Pritelivir trials which are starting in some countries. (Aus and US I think). It is aimed at immunocompromised or those who cannot take valtrex, so you might qualify. Good luck. And re sex, there are other things you two can to together to ease the "stress" πŸ˜‰
  6. Some of you might find this new positive πŸ™‚ https://upenn.app.box.com/s/qgwgns8p5xyjbn8v7tv1uidw1bs2xubb
  7. Thank you Allikat. I didn't know this. That is better than I though. Can you share a link? I recently learned that shedding doesn't make it certain you're transmiting. You also need to reach a certain viral load to be able to pass it on. The information on this is so muddy. I think my infection is more than 20 years old so I hope my chances of passing it on are very low, but unfortunately I just don't know.
  8. Thank you both for your comments. To be honest, apart from my last visit a month ago, my partner and I have only rarely used condoms at all. And I know they offer 96% reduction of transmission risk but my partners anxiety runs wild when we're apart and by the time we are talking about it , it is already out of control. I've used Valaclovir alwasy though as a supressent. I've never knowingly had an outbreak. It's possible in my twenties as those days are a bit of a blur but if I hadn't had the blood test nearly 2 years ago I wouldn't have known. I'd had a one night stand (with protection) a year before that, and was married for the previous 20 and my wife never mentioned it. It just wasn't on my radar. So I don't know if I caught it from the one night stand, my ex wife, or from when I was younger, in which case, why did my wife not get it (unless she was asymptomatic too). My partner now doesn't have it. She has hsv1 since she was a kid. And I have hsv2 but not hsv1. Sucky luck. As it stands right now we are broken up. And I am getting on a plane in 10 hours to be there for her birthday, although now I don't know if I'll see her. Chapstick, thank you for the offer. I am really touched that my story previously inspired you. I'll DM you.
  9. This is a little long so please bear with me... I've been with my partner for 2.5 years. The first year was all LDR (long distance relationship) because of Covid and right before we finally met, my SO asked me to get a STD test. I had to push for it but the doctor eventually tested herpes too and I was shocked to find I was HSV2 positive. My initial infection was either 1 year old or over 20 and I am asymptomatic. After much too and fro and emotional pain we still met up and we stayed together, had unprotected sex and she didn't catch it. We were full on soulmates in love. We then went back to LDR for another 10 months (thanks Covid), and she suffered a lot of anxiety about HSV in this time. We broke up several times but got back together. I got 3 months work where she lived so we effectively lived together for 3 months. It was great, lot so of love and lots of sex. Then back to LDR and anxiety. In June she visited me and I proposed to her and she said yes!! I was so happy. We both were. I plan to move there in January. No more LDR!! But since August there has been a lot of anxiety and we broke up again a few times. And got back together. On Thursday I am flying out for her birthday. We spoke today and she had been distant recently on texts. Today she told me she couldn't do it. She couldn't face the prospect of catching hsv from me. This close to my visit and also me finally moving to her city, this feels final. I am devastated. She says she loves me and she is very upset about this, that she doesn't want to lose me, but she has severe anxiety about catching hsv and having severe extreme outbreaks (like a friend of hers). I don't know what I can do because I can never say there is no risk. This feels like the end of such a beautiful relationship, that was gong to be permanent and it's not my fault. Not her fault either. I am distraught now. I hate God, hate the universe, feel betrayed by both. I am so angry that we could both find the partner of our dreams and then have this to break us up.
  10. Love this and Dr Jerome and his team at FHC. They also got a $700 mil over 10 years donation from the Bezo family which will go towards cancer research and others so I'd hope this includes herpes.
  11. Sorry to read this I think for some people it is really hard. It is no reflection on you, it can just be very difficult for some people. My partner sometimes has extreme anxiety around catching hsv2, mainly when we are apart for some time. But ultimately we've been together over 2 years and we hope to get married. So it does happen. Wishing you all the best.
  12. I take valtrex for a 50% reduction. I have not changed the dose so am afraid I can't offer any advice. I also use condoms which offer an additional 96% reduction!! Otherwise, eat healtily, take Lysine and olvie leaf extract. I don't have any proof of those last 3 though.
  13. It's a great question and thank you for asking. I'd love to hear what the virologist says. It could give a lot of relief to non hsv+ partners.
  14. Hi Xiscocaioss, Yes you can. My partner went through a terrible time after we had first been together and then covid restictions kept us apart. She had all the symptoms for hsv2 except the blisters. It turned out to be a combination of menopause symptoms and anxiety and she does not have hsv2. However you say you had an initial outbreak with blisters? I'm guessing you never had the chance to get these swabbed? 2 hsv negative tests does seem to indicate you are clear and possibly the blisters were something else. If you want more peace of mind you could order a Western Blot test if it is available to you. Good luck.
  15. Hi Kristy, In answer to your 2nd questions: 1. So, you have hsv2, and your girlfriend has NOT contracted it so far, and you’ve been intimate without condoms for 3 months. Do I have that right? (And you use antivirals). Yes πŸ™‚ 2. My boyfriend rarely has a breakout and can feel one coming on if it happens…so if he doesn’t have any signs or symptoms and is taking antivirals, what are the chances of me catching it if we have unprotected sex? (Still confused with this and the whole % thing of contracting it). The way I understand the % risk is that it is a "per day" risk. The general assumption is that asymptomatic people shed on approximately 10% of days, so 36.5 days a year. If your partner is not shedding (90% of days, or 328.5 days a year) then on those days there is 0 chance of transmission. (Unfortunately you can't predict which days those are). On a day when he is shedding, the addition of antivirals and condoms reduces that risk to 2% (100% - 96%* (condoms) = 4%. 4 - 2 (antivirals protect by 50%, and 50%=1 half) = 2% So, in terms of annual averages, if he is only shedding 10% of days (or 1 tenth) , then that 2% risk goes down to 0.2% (1 tenth of 2% = 0.2%). Other factors that are harder to quantify are your own and his own immune system strength, your general health, how long since his initial infection. * and just a note to point out that I disagree with Grace here as to the level of protection offered by condom use. From what I've read I understand it to be 96% protection (male to female) not 50%. This is what Terri Warren says and I have read it in several places. I'm hoping I'm right but Grace, where did you hear 50%? And @Flowerteacher55 Even though I disagree on this point, it's the first time πŸ™‚ and your knowledge and support on this site has been fantastic since I joined and you have been a great help to me personally. So thank YOU Grace!!!
  16. Hi Kristy, great questions and thank you for being brave and giving love a chance. I am in a very parallel situation, also in an LDR and my girlfriend is hsv -. I'll try and answer your questions as best as I can from my own experience. I'm not a doctor so this is all just my understanding. Hopefully others can confirm etc. 1. HSV1 will not protect you from getting HSV2 but I have read that it will have an affect on actual symptoms which will be less severe. 2. I don't think you taking antivirals will help protect you but if he takes antivirals (I think from 10 days before you are together) it will reduce transmission by 50%. So if he takes it, it will protect you to a degree. 3. This is my situation. Shedding occurs 10% of the time. But this reduces over time since infection*. As a baseline 10% [shedding] and 50% reduction [antivirals] means there is only a 5% chance of him being able to transmit to you. 4. Again, I've been there. We used condoms when we were first together but my partner decided she was "all in" and we stopped using condoms. I think you have to be aware there is always a risk, just like when you cross the road. I was with my partner recently for 3 months and never transmitted. And I use antivirals. If you are worried, the two best things to protect yourself are good communication (talk and be honest with each other so avoid sex if there's an outbreak) and condoms (96% protection male to female) Condom use would bring you statistical chance of infection down to 0.4% if my maths is right. I think so. 5. I don't think so. But I'd be hapy to find one that did do this. Soap kills hsv on surfaces so maybe washing with soap before and after would help but I don't think there is good evidence of this. And you also have to consider what a mood killer it is. But you could maybe do this at the beginning if it helps ease some anxiety. 6. Hsv2 does not like the mouth. It is very rare but it is possible. The fact that you have hsv1 there makes it less likely also (HSV1 doesn't stop you getting hsv2 but makes it harder to take hold in the same area. Can someone confirm?). Also, if you did get hsv2 in your mouth it would be less severe because hsv2 doesn't like the mouth. But it would not spread to your genitals after that so would offer some protection in that way. One caveat is do not touch open sores and then touch other areas. I think you have to be careful with this for the first month or so and then it's not an issue within your own body (again, can someone else confirm?) I think right now you are doing everything right, approaching it in a very level headed way and looking for good information. I wish you all the best with your new relationship. As someone in a similar situation, who never wanted an LDR and my partner obviously never wanted hsv, we both found that finding that real deep soul connection if very rare, as you'll no doubt know if you've to 57 (I'm 52) and is worth fighting for and taking risks for. Like I said I'm just back from 3 months with my SO and we had unprotected sex, used anti virals and I don't have outbreaks (with a very old infection although I can't be 100% sure). There are no guarantees but I'll finish with this. If you do end up getting hsv2, you are still the exact same person you are now, with all your qualities, talents, personality and everything that makes you special and made this man fall in love with you, and makes your friends love you too. You're a special, wonderful, and unique human being and that won't change. I hope this helps πŸ™‚
  17. Thank you Grace, We spoke last night and we are back on track. She said the hsv isssue was more of an excuse for her overwhelming anxiety, which had other motivating factors. LDRs are very difficult in the best of times, add hsv and covid to the mix and it's amazing we made it this far lol.
  18. Thanks Grace. Sounds like it's unlikely to cause a hsv+ result but that's ok. All part of the journey of acceptance.
  19. Hi, I found blood report I got 8-10 years ago, which I didn't read at the time and noticed I tested positive to Epstein Barr. Then last year I had a complete shock when I tested positive to hsv2. I had a second test which gave me the same result. Is it possible that the hsv test can wrongly detect the ebv and therefore give a positive result? Or vice versa? Thanks
  20. Hi, I 'm trying to evaluate the chances of transmission etc. I am hsv2 + (20 years I think) and no outbreaks that I'm aware of. My SO is hsv2 -, so my main concern is passing it on to her. She knows I have HSV and we are managing that. We've been a long distance couple for 2 years. She is an amazing woman, we have an amazing connection and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. She feels the same. Because of covid we spent a couple of weeks together last year and recently spent 3 months together. I had valacyclovir daily but other than that we didn't use protection (condoms). At one point I thought I may have had an out break (3 red spots together on the head of my penis, no blisters. Disappeared after about 2 days) so we stopped sex for a week to be safe. She didn't get hsv2. Horaay. We're long distance again now and suddenly she has become very anxious about the hsv risk and wants to break up. I am thinking that if we just had 3 intense months together and there was no transmission then the level of risk must be very low. Especially if we now added condoms to the mix. I know there's no guarantees but how would others interpret this in terms of risk?
  21. Haha! That's brilliant news JustPassingBy! I'm really happy for you.
  22. Good luck JustPassing. I know I am really lucky. Sometimes I catch myself and think I must have done something good in a previous life because this girl is really special. Wishing you all the best and enjoy the Easter break.
  23. Hi there, I totally agree with everything that Grace has said in her reply. I don't know if this will help but I'll tell you my story as it is similar. 2 years ago I met a girl online from another state. We hit it off immediately and kept chatting despite the distance. We had a very strong attraction for each other, both personally and sexually and our relationship grew over the next 12 months. 1 year ago covid borders came down and I was able to meet her. She asked that we both do STD test before starting a physical relationship. No problem. A week before I was due to fly my doctor told me I had tested positive for HSV2. I was shocked. I told her that night over Skype. I couldn't chat excitedly about my arrival or flirt as normal while I knew this and I told her that night. It was a lot to take in and she took some time to process. She then wrote and asked me to please not come to her state, that we couldn't have a relationship. She had a weakened immune system and her doctor told her she would get it and get it worse from me. I was devastated. We spoke again on Skype the day before my flight and I told her that I was coming anyway. I would come, and stay in an airbnb and if I got to see her, maybe only for a coffee, then great, but if not, then I would know that I tried, it was ok and I could let go. We were very close and our relationship had built far beyond the physical/sexual attraction. We spoke for hours and it was such a sad conversation. Then at the end she said something about wanting to know how it would feel to kiss me at the airport. And I was like, wait, huh, what? Are you going to meet me at the airport? And she nodded. I said, are you going to kiss me at the airport, and she nodded again. I was in shock. It was like something from a movie, right when I thought it was all over. I can't describe how I felt. I was overwhelmed with joy and relief and excitement all at once. So now, next week, we celebrate out 2 year anniversary. We are as close as ever and have a very healthy active sex life. My partner accepts she will probably get HSV from me but so far she hasn't and I don't want her to. I take antivirals but we generally don't use condoms (her choice). I am asymptomatic except a couple of weeks ago I noticed some spots that I think were my first knowing outbreak. No blisters, but it was enough for me to hold off for a bit and then wear a condom. Long distance relationships are tough and the HSV has made it tougher. Really tough at times. But we've made it. The honesty was an important part of getting through, and I know it is difficult but I applaud what you're doing. Everyone reacts in different ways and that is ok. Be strong, and be ready to accept whatever outcome. I hope this all works out for you and I wish you the very best. Good luck and let us know how you go.
  24. Hi Grace, Thanks for the reply. I had thought it was probably an outbreak because of the way it appeared. I had a cluster of spots, about 3 together and 1 apart, on the head of my penis. The spots were re and looked like they would develop a head, but this never happened. I had some itchiness on my scrotom but no sign of outbreak there. So I'm not 100% sure but I think it was like a very mild outbreak? I am taking anti virals as a preventative for the last 2 months, and I have also been taking those 5 herbs (Lysine and 4 others I forget. - generally assumed to be a scam). It's been a week now that there's been no sign of them. I hope that's it. Thank you for your ell wishes.
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