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tbt

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Everything posted by tbt

  1. When I was a young girl my mother told me, "We don't always get to choose the circumstances of our lives, but we can always choose our attitude." I believe that.
  2. I thought it sounded pretty ridiculous. I'm glad to read it is.
  3. The guy I'm seeing is afraid to have sex with me. We both have HSV-2. He is under the impression that if we keep having sex, we are destined over time to end up with this funk all over us... Is this true? Somebody arm me with some accurate information, please!
  4. In 2014: I will run my first full marathon. I will complete my first half of the year at Boston pace. I will get my personal trainer certification. I will spend more time with friends. I will continue to prioritize my quest for a joyful soul.
  5. Thank you. This has been so messed up! I ran over a half marathon yesterday. I tripped on mile 3 and scraped myself up bad. I told the guy that gave me this, "Ok, so, for future reference... During an outbreak, throw yourself with plenty of bare skin down a hill moving at least at an 8:30 pace. Suddenly your crotch is your most comfortable body part. LOL"
  6. I mean, it doesn't feel the same. But hopefully...
  7. I've had canker sores before. This isn't similar.
  8. They swabbed my mouth yesterday. So I will know for sure in a few days.
  9. It would have to be hsv-2. I have clusters of tiny little blisters inside my mouth. Nothing outside. They only last an hour or two before they start healing and another group crops up elsewhere. Right now I have them inside my bottom lip and under my tongue. :/
  10. I'm sure it is the hsv. My mouth felt like I had burned it with a hot drink for days. I had tiny little blisters, but also areas that just got really red and inflamed and those were the areas that felt burned. So I must have that going on down below now.
  11. Worse - Up until now I've had the blisters with no real symptoms other than mild discomfort in one small area. Today it feels like every area touched by natural moisture is razor burned. And I haven't shaved since I noticed the bumps so it is not razor burn.
  12. I'm okay as long as I don't have pain and discomfort bad enough to keep me from running. Not there yet. Not even close. Long run today! And do I need it after the week I've had! :)
  13. I went to the doc yesterday and got myself swabbed. She said she officially can't make a diagnosis without pathology, but "it looks like herpes and I'm convinced enough based on visual examination to go ahead and start you on medication.". Fabulous. I told her I haven't had much discomfort and asked if that was a good sign that future outbreaks will be mild. She said, "You haven't had discomfort because you caught it early and nothing has formed into an ulcer. It is likely to be mild IF you continue to treat your outbreaks early." So basically, who the hell knows what this shit is capable of turning into if we leave it alone... LOL So I started meds yesterday. I'm two doses in and today I'm feeling worse... Wondering if that is normal... ??
  14. I'm headed to the doc on Friday morning for the official diagnosis. I'm nervous, but I know I need to do it. Question: I think I may have it in my mouth too. Will they probably swab that too?
  15. WCS - I honestly believe he is a good person that had a grave error in judgment. You called his reasoning... He said he had let his guard down - that he hadn't had an outbreak in a while - that he thought he would know if he was going to have one - he thought it would be safe and maybe he could feel normal for a while... Then the outbreak. And suddenly he felt terrified that he may have infected me and felt like he needed to do everything he could to keep me from continuing to expose myself. So when I was still willing to date him he felt like he had to be harsh, to swear me off so I would stay away so he could prevent me from exposing myself again. Because he knew we couldn't be just friends with the crazy chemistry between us. Oh my is there some crazy chemistry between us! He said he feels responsible for me now. He offered to pay for testing and medication - encouraged me very pointedly to get checked out and medicated. He asked if there is anything he could do "besides just not being an asshole". LOL. I told him not being an asshole would be enough for now. So we are friends again. No need to avoid each other now seeing as the damage is already done.
  16. We met for lunch. It went really well. He was genuinely sad that I have it. He apologized again and again. He answered all of my questions in a forthright way. I said my lecture bit. About how poorly he has handled this. I'm sure it is great for him because he gets to turn his back and pretend like it never happened, but I have to live with the consequences. And I don't know if it is worse that he was willing to write me off like that or, well... The obvious. He said he just was really hoping I hadn't gotten it and maybe if he broke it off I would never get it and it would somehow be okay. I made him swear he will never do this to someone else. He was looking down. I told him to look at me and promise me he will never ever do this again. He did. Once I got that out, I calmed right down. It was like all the angst I've felt over him was gone. I just needed to say my piece. Ensue flirtatious banter. LOL
  17. Ok, so I have to laugh. I was talking to my sis about an argument with my ex and not knowing about my current situation she said, "That man is the herpes you can't get rid of. Every time you let your guard down there's another outbreak of douchebaggery." Oh, her choice of words!
  18. As for me reminding him of his mistakes and the possibility that he may want to avoid that reminder, well, that part I'm not so empathetic about. I mean, I now have a very real reminder of my mistake that I can't get away from. So if I am too real a reminder for him, he needs to man up. Suck it up, buttercup. You don't get to play the victim in this scenerio. I call that role. LOL
  19. lamentj - I am an empathetic person. Hell, the night he told me I still spent the night with him. No hanky panky, but I slept all cozy in his arms. I understand he made a bad decision and I acknowledge that shit happens so I'm not going into this with guns blazing. But I do have questions I need answers to so I can wrap my head around this. I am very recently divorced because my husband of 15 years turned out to be gay. So to say I have self-esteem issues where sex is involved is probably an understatement. And I imagine it has everything to do with why I fell into bed with this guy - because feeling sexy and desireable is something I've craved my whole life and I never got that from my ex. So I'm a sucker for a man that wants me. When this guy and I were texting in the week after we had been together, everything was great and fun and sweet, but I told him I was emotionally guarded because I can't bear to get hurt again. And when I said that I felt the vibe between us change. I don't know if his outbreak inspired his honesty or if my words were the catalyst, but regardless I know I would rather know than not so I'm glad he told me the truth. Otherwise, honestly, even with my current symptoms I don't think I would think I had anything. I need to know his thoughts. I'm not going to yell or cry, but I do want him to give me honest answers.
  20. Well, I'm not too worried about mental illness. I think if life were gonna make me crazy it would have happened by now. ;) I am going to tell him. I have about a billion things I want to unload on him and I see no reason why I shouldn't get it off my chest and let him have it. I promise no punching or anything else. LOL
  21. It could be worse. I don't feel like it is the end of the world or my life, but I am obviously kicking myself for my choices. But, you're right, it was a mistake and I can't obsess over what I might have done differently. It is in the past. Now I'm wondering if I should tell him. ? Maybe punch him. Hard. Or f*ck him. Hard. Or both. LOL
  22. I can't believe I'm on here. I can think of about a billion things I would rather be doing, no offense, than being on here... I did something really stupid. I had unprotected sex with a guy I didn't know all that well on three occasions in four days, the first time of which was on our first date. Then we were both busy with our kids leading up to Thanksgiving that we couldn't get together for a couple of weeks. We had made plans well in advance and I thought we were going to have an amazing time. I went to his house and instead of a night of snuggling and giggling and passion, I got the lovely experience of a pale-faced man trembling as he told me that he has HSV-2 and never should have had sex with me in the first place. He's known for two years and chose not to disclose. I was actually pretty understanding. People make mistakes. Often big ones. Human nature and all... Well, he was clear when we were together, but literally the day after our last encounter he broke out. Great. I really liked him despite his bonehead move, so I offered to still date him, but he turned me down. Wow. Talk about a major burn. So he used me, possibly infected me, and dumped me. He told me this on November 30th and I've been feeling like a bomb waiting to go off ever since. I didn't know how long I needed to wait for an accurate test so I figured I'd just give it a few weeks. Not like I'm looking to hop into bed with anyone else anytime soon after THAT. Well, yesterday, I noticed a bump. And then two. And then five. And now the bumps are all over one area, but they don't look like blisters at all, more like just raised skin, almost like goosebumps. I was checking it constantly yesterday, every time I went to the restroom, and I was horrified to see it get slowly worse throughout the day. Today it hasn't changed. But then tonight I had a very stressful encounter with my boss' wife and then another stressful encounter with my ex and after getting off the phone with my ex I used the restroom and it burned so I felt and I think I have an ulcer. It feels like just a sore, open spot right at the opening. So, yeah, I'm 99.99999% sure I have it. I'm just missing the positive test. I don't know what to think about it or how to feel. Mostly I just feel incredibly stupid to have misjudged this guy's character so much and to find myself burned yet again in life by my lack of ability to read other people accurately. I'm so naive. I am less disgusted by the consequences than by the choices that led me here. I feel like I've fallen off the moral high ground and am being punished. I acted like a total slut. I deserve this.
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