dr_h_positive

Aww, blister buddy! Love these :) I haven't yet put in as much thought about what I need to make of 2014 as I need to, but I'll give you 5 for 5! To manage my time better. No more snooze button! Lectures can't attend themselves. To not be afraid of pursuing love (if I get a disclosure post up here at some point this year, successful or not, I'll consider that progress on this one haha) To practice mindfulness always, in my friendships and with strangers. Abs! (I've got a long way to go on this one :P) Happy New Year!

PAM!! You have a courage and a confidence that I can only aspire to. You know yourself completely, and have an insight into others that is both piercing and kind. You are unrelenting in your values, and as a result you are unfazed by negativity. Adrial put it precisely - you get to the heart of the matter, even if, after reading a narrative, the revelation you have to offer about a person's underlying thoughts or attitudes can be uncomfortable. Wisdom is listening to a stream and hearing the stones below. (I made that up, but think it describes you! You know what questions the soul is asking even if the story is defiant.) But most of all among all the things I could want to say to my Forum Mama, is that I can only hope for the privilege of one day experiencing, in person, a triple parenthetical (((HUG)))!

@peterk (/tjones) @HerryTheHerp - Hallelujah and an Amen! And let's roll. :)

Hey new friend :) Your story resonates with me even more because I had a very similar experience having to tell the person from whom I know I got HSV after having a flu-like primary presentation. (You can find my not nearly as well written or fun-spirited Hello World here: http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1965/day-1-how-herpes-is-making-me-rethink-love-and-compassion#Item_13). I also didn't know him well before we began seeing each other casually, we don't live nearby because he's in the military, and there were definitely some cultural differences that I think contributed to him buying into the herpes stigma even more than usual - so much so that he judged me for having it even in the same phone conversation as I was telling him that he passed it to me. I also couldn't get angry at him and cared for his feelings, and kept the conversation as light and unaccusatory as it's possible to when talking over the phone about something serious. He subsequently went flatly into denial mode and refused my efforts to contact him for a few weeks, and we haven't seen each other since before I was diagnosed. I do wish I could hug him and tell him that we're both okay. Since then he texted to apologize for reacting like a jerk (his words), but it's no longer my place to ask about his blood test results (he's probably from the asymptomatic/sub-clinical ~80%) or to know if he's medicating it in consideration of future partners. Because he's not in as good a position as I am to treat the emotional toll of a diagnosis by reading and learning about HSV, I mainly worry that he will remain unduly angry or guilty. I sincerely hope that you and your girl will be able to have better communication about this than I did, and I know just from our brief interactions here that you will be amazingly supportive for both of you through this, no matter where the relationship goes. I hope your visit with the doctor went well. Did you get some cool foreign language cyclopills? There was a post about Pritelivir on here fairly recently: http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/comment/4814 I don't know much about it but will definitely try to learn more now, nice looking out for our little buddy in the news!

So I tried to look this up, but am still not sure I can add much real value to this thread. I did find this http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20731556, which may be better evidence for the idea that you can find a journal article someone can interpret in support of anything than for the value of acetone in treating herpes sores, but there it is anyway. What this paper did is make an in vitro viral bio-assay, like a big grid of tiny petri dishes, and measure the effect of a bunch of plant extracts on the level at which the viruses were able to still synthesize their structural proteins. Eventually a certain dose of acetone did kill the virus. (A therapeutic index of 50 means that the lethal dose of acetone for half the "population" of herpes tested, divided by the minimum effective dose necessary to produce a reduction in protein synthesis for 50% of the population = 50). However, no in vivo trials have ever been done (ie no humans or animals were harmed in this production), and in large part the mechanism of action here is probably that acetone dries out the skin in general. There may well be reputable dermatologists who by observation or experience swear by acetone for prodrome tingling or even blisters, but there's no science out there that a physician could use to make a recommendation more or less supportable than his/her personal opinion. I personally have no experience with this so if y'all do decide to try this for your next OB I'd be interested to hear what you think. I don't think there is much risk of doing harm by trying this home remedy but be careful of getting acetone in your eyes. Acetone is water soluble and also quite a small molecule so it does get absorbed by your skin, but by the magic that is organic chemistry it won't do what it does to plastic or styrofoam - otherwise my nail art habit would be much less sustainable. @HerryTheHerp - If you don't mind my asking, when you had shingles where did you break out?

p.s. - I feel moved to tell you on a serious note, at risk of dampening the compelling and contagious levity with which you infused your story, that you utterly floored me with this part: I've tried to get mad at her for this, and all I could do was hug her when I had to break the news to her. Somehow, I understood just what she was going through and it bonded us. I don't know if it will last, but I don't think I'll ever be angry at her. I don't ever want her to be angry at herself. I know that truly caring and kind-hearted men exist, but what an affirmation this is. I think my ladies on here will agree. That last sentence, especially, hit me like the knot-in-your-throat scene of a Sandra Bullock movie. It was like a big bear hug to anybody who's ever been angry at themselves for getting or giving herpes. Thank you for sharing your forgiveness. I know it gives me and many others a lot of hope. p.p.s - Who does work in kimonos and sitting indian-style? Only the world's biggest badasses. Those ankle blisters should clear up with ___cyclovir treatment too, and since HSV-2 is highly evolved to preferentially inhabit sensory nerves supplying the territories of skin we engage when we play the world's greatest contact sport, outbreaks anywhere else should be much less likely to reoccur. Keep those areas dry and wash your hands afterwards if you touch them. p.p.p.s - Are you saying that socks aren't good protection? I've been doing everything all wrong.

Dear Harry's Roommate, Welcome to the neighborhood! We're so very glad to have you in our not-so-gated community and I think you're going to like it here. Our people may sometimes have loud and crazy house parties like the one you're describing...but we keeps it real. Harry sounds like the kind of house guest who says he needs your couch for 2 weeks max but you just know he means to stick around. Folks around here are used to accommodating extra roommates so he's totally cool to stay, but we know that since you're a nice guy you probably won't make him pay rent. I know you're not rolling out the red carpet or anything, but take it from this B in Apt 23 whose loser friend just moved in a few weeks ago - a little bit of well applied passive-aggressiveness here and there keeps the dishes out of the sink and the underwear off the floor. It was nice of him, though, to make his presence known instead of squatting in your basement unannounced. A great housewarming gift you can offer him is 1000 mg of valacyclovir twice daily for 10 days (or even 1000 mg famcyclovir every 12 hours for one day to really show you care). And although he got excited and made a big mess at his primary infection party, it's never too early to get back with some daily suppressive therapy to keep him tucked away in the windowless back room so that you can have friends over again. (Aggressive and early treatment of the first outbreak after the initial exposure can reduce the severity and frequency of future recurrences compared to delayed antiviral treatment. Although I absolutely believe that your body produces Chuck Norris's antibodies, even the best of them can't kick herpes where it hurts - in the DNA!) Good luck with Harry, and if you ever need anything from any of us we're just a few doors down. Cheers, dr h+

Woah now y'all. This is a support community, and while it is comprised of very different and opinionated people among whom some civilized disagreement is healthy and breeds good discussion, there is no room for name-calling or ad hominem attacks. We don't do that here. Any one of us might be wrong sometimes but we should all expect respectful conversation from each other. Let's refocus this thread on sad_woman's story, and lay off on the victim-blaming and woman-blaming. I think everyone here can agree that all of us who have herpes have done enough self-punishment already, and reminders that accountability and responsibility are a two-way street are both self-evident and redundant. Regardless of whether the source partner was a man or a woman, if that person knowingly exposed someone else to any communicable condition without disclosing, he OR she should be more accountable. The fact that someone intentionally did not disclose herpes is common to all three stories here (sad_woman, Aimee, and tjones) - this is a shared anger, and while the desire to blame and seek revenge can last for decades, the ultimate purpose of all of this is our shared healing. It is natural and sometimes justified to blame a certain person, especially in the aforementioned cases in which there was intentional deception or sexual abuse. But it is an over-extension to indefinitely seek revenge on the entire opposite sex through our words and attitudes. @tjones, I understand you want to bring a man's perspective to a forum you perceive to be predominated by "women raging about crappy men", but with all due respect, it really is not appropriate to meet people's stories about specific men in their lives with blanket statements preferentially blaming women. And while you'll say the link you posted above about the difference between men and women was "tongue in cheek", it also does not suffice to jokingly write a woman off as "too complicated" or "over-reacting" if she is offended by something you write. A recent post about the difference between Empathy and Sympathy: http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2068/empathy-versus-sympathy#Item_3 The punchline: Rarely, if ever, does an empathic response begin with "at least". At least it's not cancer. At least you didn't marry him. At least nobody died tragically and senselessly. That all might be true, but it doesn't make anything better for the person hearing it. What does help is sharing in that person's space. Sharing similar experiences, or telling our own stories, of both the initial pain and the eventual okay-ness of it all. I believe that's what both @Aimee and @tjones started out doing in response to this post. Yes, keeping herpes in perspective is important, but there is a fine line between that and dismissing someone's current pain as insignificant. Since we're on the topic of the difference between men and women, maybe we can discuss sad_woman's observations that women can sometimes have a more difficult experience dealing with herpes for societal reasons. While it's true that both women and men can have "predatory natures", it's commonly acknowledged that sexual assault of women is more common, and as in sad_woman's experience, an unequal power differential can (sometimes, of course not always) cause the woman to suffer disproportionate social consequences. Although we would all like to believe that sexism no longer exists, and although we are not here to bash one sex or the other, the fact remains that as long as there are social inequities, this issue and many others will ALSO be women's rights issues. And yes, more women (~20%) than men (~11%) have herpes for anatomical reasons - it was true in the 80's and it's true now. Men are more likely to transmit herpes to women (10% per year in a monogamous relationship with no protection or medication) than the other way around (4% per year). This is just a fact - it doesn't mean we should blame or fear the other sex for being more likely to either have or transmit herpes, respectively. It just means that men and women have to stand together to educate everyone, and support everyone going through this, instead of bickering across the line. Also, the fact that differences exist in how herpes or societal perceptions affect each sex does not in any way minimize the experience of men with herpes, or men who have been burned by women who did not disclose (so tjones, I'm not trying to discount your opinion. Because it is slightly less common for men to have herpes, and there are some social stigmas that may make it harder for men to feel comfortable sharing, there are fewer male voices on this forum. Your voice is valuable, and when civil, as valid as anyone else's. I would just like to respectfully urge to you support the storytellers over categorically defending the men in the stories.) Ultimately our job right now is to relate to and care for @sad_woman. Her feelings of unfairness and anger are feelings that we can all identify with. So let's go back to that. What are your stories about finding forgiveness for yourself or for the person you contracted herpes from?

Rarely, if ever, does an empathic response begin with "at least"... Rarely can a response make something better. What makes something better is connection. So good! Thanks for this :)

@tjones - Totally understand your anger. However, what you're proposing would, in practice, amount to litigating and taxing only the people who have a diagnosis of herpes from a physician, including the very people on this forum who know they have it and are taking steps to keep themselves healthy and protect others. Would that help anything? Consider that most of the people who transmit herpes are those that don't even know they carry it (80% of people with herpes are asymptomatic) - they would never be identified for a lawsuit and because they don't know to get treatment, aren't on medications that would be taxable. People who know they have herpes, practice disclosure and safe sex, and are on treatment to suppress viral outbreaks and shedding are far less likely to transmit it. (Also, the very idea of taxing medications is a breach of patient confidentiality because it would put information about what someone is taking and what diagnoses they have outside of a medical context.) Having herpes is not the problem. Having herpes and not purposefully disclosing it to a potential partner IS a problem. Having herpes and raping someone is so much bigger of a problem, and one in which the rape is magnitudes more damaging than the herpes (and is actually criminal). ---A revision: --- I didn't read the sarcasm in your tone because while it's true that there are many frivolous lawsuits bogging down our legal system, @Aimee's case is the furthest thing from such a suit. She's not "playing the victim", she is a victim. She's not trying to play the system to get everything she can from this man, she's using the courts less than she potentially could to get only what she deserves, and no more. There are sometimes subtle distinctions which make the difference between a well-placed joke and a tone-deaf non sequitur.

That's a little misleading. From the thread you linked, the person who wrote that in a comment meant that "bodily fluids do not carry the [HSV] virus" in the way that HIV can be transferred through blood, semen, vaginal fluid, pre-ejaculate, or breast milk. HOWEVER because HSV is spread through skin-to-skin contact, and mucous membranes such as those that exist in and around the genitalia create a more supportive environment for viral transmission, it IS possible for one female to transmit HSV to another "through" vaginal fluid by grinding. You've made several posts about this already so I know this is something you're really concerned about - but just because it is possible for you to have gotten herpes from this person doesn't mean that you did. Your blood test results are inconclusive, and although they don't rule out HSV, they should lead you to consider other possible causes for your symptoms. she disclosed how she studied about herpes she knew more about it than me, but shes never been tested Saying she has studied herpes is not the same thing as disclosing herpes, and knowing more about it than you do means nothing if she has never been tested. Honestly, one way to set your mind at ease about whether or not it could be HSV-1 or -2 is to ask your partner to just get tested already. I know you've said she'd "never see a doctor" but if you are this conflicted about the possibility of this being herpes she should care enough to not only consider your feelings but also take care of herself and her other partners that she may be unknowingly exposing. Viral shedding just means that the virus, which lives in the sensory nerves that help that part of your skin feel touch, heat, pain, etc, is making its way to your skin and can be transmitted through contact. Shedding usually refers to when the viral DNA is replicating at a low enough level to be asymptomatic (meaning that you wouldn't see genital sores), but at a high enough level to transmit to another person.

Hi adventurelovelife, First of all, I've read your other post and responses to various threads, and want to say I really appreciate how your amazing attitude and positivity comes through in your writing, and despite the severity of your symptoms. I really feel for you - outbreaks every month sounds so frustrating, and yes, it would be awesome to get this under control so you can feel at ease about pursuing a relationship. Valacyclovir (Valtrex) is a prodrug of acyclovir, which means that enzymes that your own body produces will convert it to acyclovir. It therefore acts the same way as acyclovir but has better bioavailability - meaning that less of it gets digested/metabolized or degraded and excreted in urine, and that a person can take a lower dose or at a lower frequency for the same effectiveness. If Valtrex has never worked for you, acyclovir is unlikely to produce different results for this reason, but famcyclovir has a slightly different mechanism of action, and that might be just enough to make a difference for you! Famcyclovir (trade name Famvir, made by Novartis) is a prodrug of pencyclovir, again with better bioavailability when taken orally. It has not been as well studied, but I don't think it would hurt to ask for it to treat your next outbreak and see if it makes a difference in the severity or length of the outbreak. Although evidence is inconclusive and varied as far as I can tell, famcyclovir seems to be more commonly prescribed to treat recurrent HSV-2 in immune-compromised patients who might have slight differences in the proteins their particular herpesvirus codes for. One study also suggests that valacyclovir is more effective at suppressing latent shedding, but famcyclovir is better at reducing future recurrences when used during initial treatment (although much of this may be speculative). Perhaps your body is immunocompromised for whatever reason, or that there is a slight difference in the DNA replication machinery that the herpesvirus in your body produces. Famcyclovir is ultimately reduced to the active form penciclovir-triphosphate, as opposed to the slightly structurally different aciclovir-triphosphate that Valacyclovir becomes. Both penciclovir-3P and aciclovir-3P act to inhibit the herpes virus's ability to replicate it's DNA by several mechanisms: 1) competitively taking up an active site on the viral DNA polymerase protein, thereby knocking out deoxyguanosine triphosphate 2) becoming incorporated by the DNA polymerase into the growing new DNA strand, which stops the ability to add more nucleotides onto it, or 3) binding to the viral DNA polymerase itself and thereby blocking/deactivating it. This may be a little too much detail (though if you're interested I could try to explain it better or send links), but the main point is that the active end product of famcyclovir is chemically different than that of valacyclovir. I've never tried famcyclovir but would probably ask for it if/when I have another outbreak myself. It is usually prescribed for use over a shorter interval (as opposed to the standard 10 day Valtrex regimen), and if you ask your doctor about it he/she can work out an appropriate dose in consideration of any other health factors like your kidney function, other active medical conditions, etc. I'd also be really interested to hear if anyone has used famcyclovir and can give a comparison! Cutting out coffee and other arginine-high foods as you've been doing may help to inhibit herpes DNA replication and prevent outbreaks, and along this vein lysine amino acid or L-lysine supplements may further help to block arginine. I don't know much about this and believe clinical trial results have been mixed. The NIH rates propolis, a resinous botanical remedy, as "possibly effective" in treating cold sores and genital herpes. I know even less about this but apparently there are 3% propolis ointments (Herstat or ColdSore-Fx) that may help to heal lesions faster. I hope this helps, and I hope your symptoms let up and you're able to find something that works better for you! Best of luck and warm thoughts to you!

Aimee, I'm glad that you have looked into your legal options. I'm also glad that no matter how you choose to deal it, the power of the law is in your hands. It's not that what he transmitted to you is all that bad or destructive in a grand sense (the herpes, I mean). You're right that it's the intent to do what he perceived as substantial harm (enough harm, he believed, to change your actions and cause you to stay with him when you otherwise wouldn't) that, in addition to the larger issue of WTF, he raped you - that is the truly despicable part. It is totally your perogative to consider financial and family reasons for not serving him what he deserves in court. You are within bounds to even show him mercy for the sake of mercy - because you are the bigger person, and you are in a position to spare him suffering even when he tried to inflict it on you. He must know that too. A civil suit could make him pay for the crime he committed in ways that are actually useful to you, so it's good that you are weighing all your options. Again, good luck with everything. Although legal remediation probably won't fix all the shit he put you through, it can bring some satisfaction, and you surely deserve that and much more.

Aimee, It broke my heart to read this and I can't imagine what you're going through. I'm so sorry that your ex took advantage of you like this. One thing - I cant say he raped me because i dont remember any of it, so i cant say i didnt agree. But REALLY??? Who does that? You CAN say that he raped you, and if you did you would be absolutely right. In fact especially given that you can't remember anything, you were not able to give valid consent. That makes what he did sexual assault. By definition. Period. Now, whether you pursue legal action is a personal choice that you would have to make in consideration of whether it would cause you more pain to do so, and I'm sure many other factors that I can't begin to fathom. There are options, however, as well as resources to help you if this is the route that you feel would bring you the most peace. As WCSDancer said, the fact that he knowingly and WILLFULLY exposed you to potential harm with malicious intent (while raping you) is likely strong grounds for a lawsuit IF you were to chose to bring it on his ass in court. I can't begin to give you legal advice, but as far as giving support for coping with herpes and your emotional needs in general - all of us are here for you. It is so understandable for you to be angry at him - in fact, it is the only rational response. He was weak and small and tried to control you by taking away your choice to have sex, and your choice about being exposed to herpes (which, by the way, he can NEVER control you with because you are too strong to stay with him out of fear and insecurity - you will find someone WAY better regardless of herpes!!). But what also hurts is that your anger is hurting yourself more than it is hurting him. In the time you spend in pain about this, he is probably just sitting on the couch having a beer and not giving it a thought. Does this mean you have forgive him right now? Of course not! There will be a time for that when you are ready - and that means FIRST forgiving yourself and letting go of any guilt you might have over being infected. Adrial put it best in another post: There is a certain amount of anger that is healthy. Once anger turns to hate, it becomes unhealthy for us, not the person being hated. Being angry with someone else for what they did to us is like ingesting poison and expecting the other person to die. It just doesn't work over the long-term. So how to get over it without killing someone? Forgiveness...And that is not to minimize what this guy has done. This is not to say that what he did is okay in any way. And now that you have herpes, you can't change that part. It is now a part of you. It doesn't define you, however, unless you let it. The sooner you can learn to love yourself with herpes and be happy, the sooner you will move on... That's the biggest revenge you can possibly take on him. To move on and be happy. As far as his plan for entrapping you into staying with him by making you feel unworthy of real, honest, and uplifting love... Wow. You are going to show him. You are going to find someone who loves you by making both of you better, not by clutching on and pulling you down with him. Someone who gives love to and accepts both you and himself, instead of someone who only tries to take, and who hates himself too much to be capable of true caring for another person. Although it seems impossible now to ever be at peace with the pain that this selfish man has caused you, it WILL make you stronger in spite of it all. You WILL overcome, and discover how even more beautiful and worthwhile you are as a person. All my love to you Aimee.

Hey lossofwords, I'm glad that you have been seeing your doctor for the rashes on your arms and legs as well as for your genital outbreak. If you had blisters on your arms and legs, hopefully those were swabbed too. The best thing to do now is breathe and just wait for your results to come back. One possibility is that the rashes on other parts of your skin are due to shingles. Another name for shingles is Herpes Zoster - it's in the same family of viruses as HSV-1 and HSV-2. It's caused by the varicella virus, which is the same herpesvirus that causes childhood chickenpox. So if you say that what you have looks like chickenpox, shingles would be one possible diagnosis to keep in mind (though I'm sure your physician has already thought of this). The Valtrex you are already on for your genital herpes should actually also be effective for treating the rashes on your arms and legs, because just as the different forms of the herpes virus are related, so are the drugs that treat them. Some questions for you to consider in looking at your rash: 1) When did you first notice the rashes on your arms and legs? How long have you had them/did you have them? Do they come and go? 2) Do the rashes happen on both sides of your body or only on the left or right side? 3) What do the rashes look like? Do they blister first in what looks like little fluid bubbles, and then crust over or dry up? 4) Does it look like there is a clear line dividing the area of the rash and unaffected skin? But Adrial is definitely right in saying that the very best thing to do right now, and which you are already doing, is to show your doctor everything and let him/her figure out a definitive diagnosis and treatment plan. Good luck, and chin up! The good thing is that you are mindful about the symptoms you're experiencing, you're in good hands, and even the worst case is very treatable. Everything is going to be alright lossofwords - hang in there!