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River1

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  1. @Neverwouldathought and @Flowerteacher55, thank you both for taking the time to read my post and respond, both of you are encouraging!!!!
  2. @Neverwouldathought thank you ... it really is only the confusion I got from my OBGY, he only called me to tell me I was positive and insisted that it comes from my current partner. I cannot understand why he would insist on it then he didn't do any bloodwork ... my partner has come negative on the IgG test. I am just really upset with my doctor. Who will not talk to me about it and asked a nurse that I schedule an appointment with a nurse to talk herpes. I was upset and refused to paid $50 for a visit so I can talk to a nurse. My outbreak was on June 15, but it probably started 10 days earlier. I had no idea what was happening ... I thought I had a cold and I was experiencing very painful burning for about 10 days ... so I am almost month out. Therefore I didn't know if I still had a chance to find out for my own piece of mind why was my doc insisting that this is a current exposure - my goodness, he has been in the business for 40 years and is an excellent surgent - I don't get it.
  3. @Flowerteacher55 my blisters showed up on 6.15.2021 … is it too late to get a blood test to see if this was my first time exposure? I don’t think I received the best care from my doctor. When he called me to tell me I was HVS2 positive, he told me it was a current exposure, because I have never had any symptoms before. I argued with him saying that my partner’s blood work was HVS2 negative in February. He insisted that the test might have not shown past exposure …. I am so confused, because it doesn’t lined up with what I am reading. Of course I shared what the doctor said and it caused a lots of pain and conflict with my current sexual partner, who has again tested negative for HVS2 last week. I tried to find HVS hotline to call, because I have been struggling, but somehow everything I find has only automated messages. I am also struggling with finding place to get the blood test done. I asked for it 2 years ago in my obgy office before I became sexually active and they refused to do it, brushing me off with the words, “almost everybody has it.” Thank you, Lydia.
  4. @Flowerteacher55♥️ Thank you! Reading your message makes me feel for the first time like I can do this! The founder of this community will probably not see my massage, but I really could have not gone through the weekend and last couple of days without your support. I don't hold his reactions against him ... they are not mine to worry about, but they are affecting me emotionally ... the first week, his reaction was generally "poor you, you have it and I don't," until the doc suggested that it is from him. I did see his test from February and I did see the HVS negative on there, that is why I am so confused about my doctor being certain it is from him. I think, having found this platform, I can do this. I have people to reach out to for wisdom, support and advise. You gave me some relief!!! Do I understand correctly that the only way the sores could appear anywhere else would be if I touched the sores, didn't wash my hands, and touched a different part of my body?
  5. Thank you NJRunnerMom. I recognize that I am having thoughts about future that is not even here, but with my past and obstacles I had to overcome, my thoughts are doubtful about ever getting into another relationship. Your words make me think that rather than grieving my old self, it feels like I am grieving a future that this new condition has just taken away from me. Thank you for taking the time to respond. I don’t have anybody to talk to about this and reading messages from you and Flowertecher55 feels like getting a hug this morning. Thank you Flowerteacher55 as well. I had a follow up conversation with my partner last night and of course it was very painful again. He is certain that he does not have HSV and expressed that he things that I slept with somebody else, since his HSV blood test in February was negative. He is also raising the question why did I brake out now and not sooner. We were not intimate from Mach till recently due to my medical condition and a surgery I had in April. However, we got first sexually involved last August. My doctor is convinced it is a recent exposure and indicated that it does not mean my partner was with somebody else, that his blood tests might have been negative because it might have not detect past exposure from his youth - I don’t understand how that is possible. Everything I read says that bloodwork is more reliable than the culture swab. My partner keeps telling me that the virus could have been dormant in me for 20 years … and why not if my doctor is suggesting that my partners blood test is not detecting the virus in his body. My partner expressed last night that he doesn’t want to catch it and that it could be inside of me and we will not know if I have a breakout, it could show up on my neck, anywhere on my body and he could get it … which made me honestly feel like a leper. And I feel unable to answer to any of his questions. Majority of my stress comes from feeling like I am “dangerous” and from not being able to understand, not being able to get a clear explanation for how this happened, when and why him and not somebody else. I have finally convinced my partner to reach out, share with his doctor what my doctor said and get retested. I am scared that his test will come back negative and I will look like a liar and accuser and a cheat.
  6. Thank you for much for your kindness. I have been dealing with trauma for a long time. I am not as much concerned about that side. I am just recognizing that my reaction to the diagnoses is probably disproportionate due to the trauma. I have both HSVs. I had sores in my moth few days before they showed up on my genitals. He had sore in his mouth at the same time. Somehow the doc's words it is just a cold sore, did not sit with me the same way :). Instead my immediate response was "who will ever want me?" I feel probably what most of you have felt at some point. I don't know enough, no matter how much I read on the CDC site, Mayo Clinic, Plant Parenthood ... I don't know how to behave. I feel like I am radioactive ... I had lunch with a friend and was scared to share any food, I am afraid to dry my hands in someone else's bathroom ... I am just so scared to pass it on to another person. I did have a conversation with my partner, he is convinced it is not from him, because he requested herpes test in February and it came back negative. I cannot really force him to get tested, since he is convinced it is nit him, no matter how much all the signs point to him. We are not life partners, we are friends that agreed to provide each other with companionship in the beginning of the pandemic, my influence over him getting tested is limited. It is really hard to find a partner at my age and it feels like the herpes diagnoses might make it impossible. I feel like now, I have to tell everybody before they even look at me. I think I will get use to living with the virus ... though right now as I said, I am not sure how to behave and everything makes me worried.
  7. I am having my first ever outbreak and diagnoses. And I feel utterly lost. Forgive me if I give too much information. I want to let everybody know where I am coming from. I have a sever child abuse history and due to the trauma, I abstained from relationships, and yes sex, most of my life, thinking I was never going to be able to experience it in a health way … then over two years ago (at the age of 47/48) I met somebody willing to work with my fears and insecurities. It felt like life was taking a good turn for the first time ever:). Then shortly after that I got very ill and lost the sexual component of my life again. Instead have been fighting to get back to health and stay alive till recently. I got better, and the moment I resumed my sexual live feeling once again like I am winning at life I got herpes. And I have had only two partners. My reaction to herpes is a bit more disproportionate, due to my trauma and all the health issues I have been experiencing. I spent the entire Friday and Saturday crying, unable to stop. Feeling stupid that this happens to me at 50 and that somehow I could have been smarter to prevent this. Then I was feeling a profound loss and grief as if I am loosing the battle once again to be free and have a sexually fulfilling life. Then, a friend found this community for me. I am so confused about everything and I don’t feel like I can reach out to my OBGY with questions, because he is over focused on keeping me alive and worrying about my bigger issues and not concerned about “cold sores.” I wonder if he also feels that at the age of 50 I should know everything there is to know 😞 Your forums have been a source of comfort, hope, but also fears for me in terms of what life is going to look like going forward. My doctor insists that this is a first time exposure and it is from my current partner. My current partner insists that it is not from him, because he requested HVS test in February and it was negative. My doctor seems to think that it doesn’t mean anything, because the blood test might have not detected past exposure when he might have been really young. I also don’t understand if a virus can be dormant for 20 years … how can my doctor be so sure it is from a current partner and not the previous one. I don’t know how to move forward. If my partner has it and is shedding the virus … can I have recurring outbreaks because of it? How do I know when it stops shedding and it is save to resume sex? If we both have it and he is asymptomatic how do I protect myself from braking out all the time? Why is my doc giving me only 10 days of medicine and not keeping me on long terms antiviral? I am so sorry guys I don’t even know what I am saying, I am lost and though I am not happy that you all are living with herpes, I am so grateful for all of you, for being here speaking out and sharing - it made a difference in my life!!!
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