figuringitout123

so I’m very new to dating w HSV1G and am a male. I was in a relationship for a few years, my ex-gf had disclosed but in time I did get it from her. So here I am trying to navigate dating. I had been hanging out with a girl for a while (we also had dated years before) and we had a tremendous connection. Been planning trips, great energy, big attraction. Was Imon pure cloud 9. This was the 1st time I’ve had to disclose to someone I actually care for and feared rejection from. So with a trip around the corner I wanted to make sure I disclosed. It didn’t go as planned but I already know how I could have created s better space to disclose. (It was after drinks, heavy making out, etc) was wanting a better time but I felt she wanted me and I didn’t want her to think I didn’t want her so I opened up. im truly heartbroken. One big issue is a couple weeks before in the heat of the moment I did let her give me oral sex… I justified thinking 80% of population has hsv1… it’s highly likely she or anyone does…. people don’t disclose kissing w it etc… I’m in anti-viral too etc. this was a massive mistake. We went from having a tremendous relationship to pure angry and hatred and she accused me of manipulating her… it was all thrown back in it face and she won’t even talk to me. She was so angry about me letting her give me oral. i realize now this was terrible and unethical… but I can’t find anyone else’s candid thoughts on this type of situation and I’m wondering was it really really that terrible…. Like please tell me if that’s insanely messed up I want the truth… Sigh. I would never have had sex and not told her. this was my biggest fear. Feeling heart broken and depressed. I really really liked this girl and now she might not ever talk to me again and knows my status too on top of that and is angry.