WellThisSucks

I am in a very similar boat and have been feeling the same way. I am 53, was diagnosed 8 months ago (was 52 at the time). I was dating someone who I had been friends with for 8 years. We had only just started dating and things were going so amazingly well. I was falling hard for this guy and I know the feeling was mutual. At the time I thought I gave it to him because I was having such a bad outbreak and he had almost nothing. Also, we used condoms. I got this orally. I have HSV1. Anyway, now I understand that my outbreak was so bad because it was my first, not because I was the carrier. Honestly, that doesn’t even matter. What matters is that this thing ended up destroying our relationship. Even though we both tested positive for HSV1, he would never perform oral sex on me after that. I felt like a leper. I told him that and eventually ended the relationship. He always blamed me and clearly couldn’t get past it and I couldn’t be with someone who made me feel that way. Especially someone who was also positive. I 100% know how you feel. It’s been 8 months and I still carry those feelings around. I’m not ready to date. I need to move past these feelings of worthlessness first. It’s awful. But I’m trying to focus on myself. I’m trying to sort through why I make such lousy decisions with men (I’ve been married twice so 2 for 2 here) and what it is I really want. Maybe that’s all you can do right now. I take really great care of myself. I have a lot of years left. I’m not going to spend them alone if I don’t want to. I just need to find the right person. It WILL be OK. Not everyone is a douche. That’s just something I believe. Today, anyway. But all we can do is take one day at a time.