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deedee

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  1. I just found out a few months ago, and ive found that this forum has been the only place I turn to when i feel like i need some words of encouragement, or truth, and its really helped me a lot. Its hard to find other people who will speak honestly about this, and without judgement. anyways if you ever need someone to talk to im in the same boat so i can lend an ear :)
  2. i really appreciate the kind words and advice. If it wasn't for this forum I know i wouldn't have been able to feel okay about myself and this whole situation since i found out. I really take everything to heart, and I wish the best for all of you and thank you <3
  3. Like most people being diagnosed with herpes I was overwhelmed with mixed emotions, mostly shame, fear, and self hate. I was also one of the lucky few who got to experience the excruciating pain of the first outbreak. I felt like it was never going to go away and I'd always be in pain physically and emotionally. As time went on, I shared my new secret with select friends, who made it clear they loved me no matter what, which helped to diminish the stigma I felt I carried along with me everywhere. Even though I feel like I can tell my friends, and potential partners when need be, I still feel as though it is something I can never tell my family, which deeply hurts me. Now that I have gotten over the fact that I have herpes, I just feel like I can't relate to people anymore. When I'm in public, when I go out, its always in the back of my mind, just how all these people would react if they knew. I never felt normal before, but now this kicks it up a notch. Never felt like I fit with society before, and now I feel like I never will. I know in time I will learn to just let go of these feelings hopefully, but right now I cant seem to get past it. Ive done all kinds of research, browsed countless sites, joined various sites and felt like the only site that helped or was responsive at all was this one. I really don't know what to do at this point, my friends all live far from me, the one person who was supporting me in this got arrested and I haven't seen/heard from him since, one of my pet rats just passed away and losing her not even a month after I got diagnosed just really depresses the hell out of me. I know I should eat well, but I cant seem to keep down food from being so upset, I have next to no appetite, I cant sleep well, I keep having nightmares, and I know all this will just create another ob but I cant help the way I am feeling right now. I sure could use a hug. :-(
  4. I really appreciate the advice and kind words. I know this is something I'm going to always struggle with and in time will have to make my peace with it. I just can't help but feel really disconnected to everything right now. Maybe I won't begin to feel any better until my first outbreak heals and I can go on to do things "normally" again. But I've been doing some research online and read a few times that if you experience an outbreak you will continue to experience more in the first year, is that still the case if i continue to take medication to suppress them? I just feel like I have many questions and fear about it that the doctor neglected to mention at the clinic and I'm too embarrassed to even face my actual physician since she is the same doctor that my mother sees as well.
  5. Earlier today I was diagnosed with herpes, my doctor was quite insensitive about it and the look on her face made it that much harder to walk out her office. I have not been able to control the tears they seem to just be streaming down my face. It is not the type of thing I can share with family either, they are just too old fashioned, being from two completely different cultures. I didn't go to my doctors appointment alone though. Just a few days ago, when I started having symptoms I met someone that I like a lot, but we were never physical, since I had just been misled by my last partner who I now know passed the disease to me. Kameron, the guy I have recently developed feelings for, took care of me during the symptoms, went with me to the appointment, and is the only person who has knowledge of this. It kills me that he is so patient and understanding of this, when I can't help but feel such shame and disgust towards myself to the point where I don't feel worthy to be around him. I was already beginning to feel suicidal prior to this and now this just shoves me deeper into depression.
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