syxela

Hi everyone, I needed to vent and was hoping to get a few people in on this talk too. I originally found out I had Herpes after my first outbreak last July 2020. It was awful & to be quite honest I don’t exactly know where it came from. Especially since I’ve read that it can lie dormant for some time before you get your first outbreak & even that someone who’s never had an outbreak can pass it on to you. Since then, I haven’t had another outbreak. I also tried to push it to the back of my mind and forget I even had it. It was something I was ashamed of & embarrassed about & didn’t want to talk about or tell anyone. More recently I picked up a new sexual partner. And this is where I messed up. I did not disclose with him about my status. And we did have unprotected sex. It wasn’t even about the fact that I was trying to hurt him. (Which he said intentions don’t matter to the person who gets hurt, because either way they’re still hurt). It was more just that I had genuinely tried to push this fact away myself until I had a talk with a couple of friends who knew about my diagnosis & suggested that I needed to tell him. I just told him last week and I realize how much hurt & damage I caused. I took away his choice all because I was being selfish & didn’t want to face my reality. I feel awful about it & have been beating myself up for the past week since I told him. We’ve only spoke once since our initial phone conversation when I told him & Im now waiting to pay for him to get tested. I’m not necessarily looking to be comforted because I know I really did mess up & did the wrong thing by not telling him before we had sex. I was just wondering if there was anyone who can relate? And could possibly tell me that this guilt gets lighter over time…..