Cem160

This is one of those topics that depresses me so much. I want a full sex life, not to be restricted because I'm a carrier (asymptomatic) for this stupid virus. I wish I was a dishonest person and could lie about this, I am truly jealous of everyone who chooses not to disclose. It is a brutally cruel and unfair situation on every level.

The 10% figure means that it is estimated that, without taking any medication, that you will be shedding 10% of a given year. That doesn't mean every time you have sex there is a 10% chance of transmission, because even if you are shedding that doesn't 100% guarantee transmission. Basically, 10% of the year you have a risk of transmitting HSV, the other 90% of the year (barring any outbreaks) you have no risk of transmitting HSV. Sadly we have no way to pre-emptively detect shedding and to know what our situation is when we go to have sex. An actual statistician could probably calculate the real probability of transmission per-time having sex.

Are you sure you got it from him? The tricky thing about HSV is it can be dormant/asymptomatic for years. On top of that, there's a decent margin of error with blood tests. Not saying that he may not be gaslighting you, just that it's not always so crystal clear. The only way to be certain of his honesty (or lack thereof) is to see his test results yourself. If he's not willing to provide that, you're probably right about him. However, if he does provide the test results, and they confirm what he is saying, I point you to my earlier statement.