Caiti

Hi! I totally understand what you’re going through and I’m so sorry. I think it’s amazing that you tell them the truth first hand and give those guys a choice. That’s very honorable. But they should at least try to learn more about it. And if they don’t want to, they aren’t the guy for you. You deserve someone that’s willing to see you for you and learn more about H and how common it truly is and all the ways that you can still lead a pretty normal dating life with H, but in the bedroom you do have to be safer. People don’t educate themselves on H and jump straight to believing it makes us undesirable when it doesn’t. Don’t feel bad about those lame guys. You don’t want anyone in your life that doesn’t want to be there girl. Much love ❤️

For the longest time I haven’t always been upfront about my diagnosis and that could potentially hurt other people. I don’t want to hurt anyone, and I want to be able to tell future partners about what I have confidently because I want to protect them and give them a choice. I know that dating someone with what I have isn’t easy, but it doesn’t make me who I am. It’s a small part of me.

Thank you for sharing your story and I loved your comment about how it’s not just about those men accepting you, you play a very important role in accepting yourself as well. I hope I can learn from you and be more positive as well. I’ve always feared I wouldn’t be accepted and I think that’s because I don’t always accept myself for having herpes. I would love to emulate the acceptance and love you show yourself in my own life. Blessings to you and thank you again for sharing your experience.

Everyone’s experience with herpes varies. For me, my first outbreak was horrible. I had to go to the ER and could barely walk from the pain I was experiencing down there. I was put on heavy pain meds and found out that I had genital herpes. It really flipped my whole world upside down. Outbreaks after the first year tend to be less aggressive and some people experience not having outbreaks at all for a very long time. Outbreaks can be frustrating and embarrassing but the stigma you asked about can be crushing as well. People who are uneducated about herpes may not be as accepting and could be very quick to judge someone for having herpes instead of displaying empathy. Herpes jokes are common in tv series and movies which displays herpes as ‘gross’ or ‘disgusting’ which truly adds to that painful stigma. Education and compassion is really the only way to change the way the masses perceive herpes and brave people who are willing to discuss their herpes experiences openly. Ella Dawson is a writer and she also did a Ted Talk about her experiences with herpes and how she leads her dating life now. She also does a beautiful job of explaining how we can de-stigmatize herpes.