I don't really know if i need advice or if i just need to tell someone my story because I literally can't bring myself to tell anyone.
In march of 2020 during the shut down I went out with a guy a few times and he disclosed his hsv2 to me. He painted a good picture of how he his suppressants daily and was healthy yada yada. I don't know what I was thinking...I only slept with him once. he ghosted me after. π Months later in july I start dating someone else in a more serious fashion. The first time we had sex something didn't feel right. The next few days after I thought i had a yeast infection or UTI. then about a week into those symptoms...I got a blister. I knew. I told my boyfriend that something wasn't right and I was worried about what it was. He was very comforting and understanding. By the time I got to my doctor i had a few blisters so it was easy for her to swab test and it came back positive. I told him the news and he took it surprisingly well. He said "don't worry, i'm not going anywhere"
Fast forward a year and a half later....My first outbreak was awful. Painful and took forever to go away. Since then i've barely had any. I've had a few times where i could feel it coming and I took suppressants and it went away quickly. I haven't had blisters since my first outbreak. I'm very lucky in that respect, and hadn't really gone through the process of dealing with the herpes because I had a supportive boyfriend and very mild outbreaks. we kind of forgot about it for the most part. Not long after we had started sleeping together he also got it. He never got tested, but he got blisters so it didn't seem necessary given I already had it. But now we broke up. Turns out Hes a narcissist and just assumed we'd be together forever so he didn't picture a world without me so that's why he took the diagnosis so well initially. So now i'm being blamed for giving this to him, and he thinks that I should still be intimate with him because who else is going to want him and we both already have it, and when he I tell him no he threatens to out me to social media....ugh...I'm smart enough to know not to give in to him and he's just being a child...but it's a whole big nightmare. I know everyone says not to feel this way but i do...I feel dirty, and embarrassed, and ashamed. I have told no one but him. Not even my best friend. I actually plan to tell her tomorrow, we have plans to hang out. But I couldn't even imagine if my social circle found out because he decided to tell everyone out of spite. Do I just own it and let the world know? or do I just pretend hes lying and keep hiding it? He keeps asking me how he's supposed to move on now, and i told him that I don't know either. In all honesty i'm just not dealing with it and burrying it for now. After being with his toxic ass for over year, i can take some time to be single and not sad about it, but eventually i'm gonna want to try dating again...and all the stories on here of how people have moved on are so inspiring but it just seems so hard to do right now. π