Ashley01

I’m so sorry you’re on the emotional roller coaster that it seems most of us are also riding. Don’t be too hard on your partner. My husband doesn’t have it, according to bloodwork that I made him get immediately, but I do. We have been together 15yrs and I have never cheated nor has he. I am only the 3rd person he has ever been with and he is friends with his exes as am I since meeting them years ago and they do not have it either. My doctor told me that it is possible I have had it all these years but never had symptoms. I’m still convinced I got it from sitting naked on the bench in the locker room after basketball while changing but the Dr says that’s not possible. I’m not sure I believe her. Either way now we have it so the how and when are irrelevant, it’s how we move forward. Don’t let me fool you, I sound confident and ok with it but that could not be further from the truth. Advice is so much easier given than followed. Thank God we found a community to go through this with that understands and feels our pain.

I could not possibly relate to you more. Reading your fears as well as the response's is somewhat comforting. I’m so sorry that you’re feeling how you are because I completely understand the hell you are going through. Your husband must be as amazing and understanding as mine which, for me, seems to make it that much harder. I agree with the tapping recommendation. I’ve been doing it for a very long time to help with my anxiety disorders. EMDR has helped significantly as well. There’s always a root to our fears and self judgements. If you can find a counselor certified in EMDR I would highly recommend trying it. Sending love and light your way.

I found out I have HSV-2 4 days ago and I am freaking out. I’ve only had a yeast infection once due to antibiotics and have never had any other issues so I don’t understand. I’ve been married 15yrs and my husband does not have it, thank God. I’ve begged him for a divorce because I feel absolutely disgusting and never want to have sex or even be touched again. I’ve bleached my house top to bottom including my bed. I should point out that I have extreme Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) with my primary issue being germs. I’ve struggled with it and been treated for it since I was a child. My husband and I desperately wanted to have children which we put off while I was finishing college and then were stopped again after I suffered a stroke due to brain aneurysms at 33yrs. I then found out I had epilepsy and 1yr after my stroke I was fired from the university I worked at due to taking over 90 days (FMLA protected) time off to heal, I was fired on day 91. We recently decided to try again and now I am stopped again. 2 weeks ago I found out I need leg braces to walk due to damage from the stroke and then last week HSV. I’ve never been so depressed and defeated in my life. Yesterday I completed a DNR because if he won’t leave me then maybe the powers that be and who are so mad at me will do him a favor. I am aware that this is likely all in my head but how do I convince myself of that after a 6 1/2yr nightmare that just won’t stop. My Dr’s have put me on an extremely high dose of sedatives but it’s definitely not helping. I have taken no less than 3 showers a day and change my clothes every time. How do I escape germs when I am the germ. I’m not suicidal by any means but I’ve also lost any bit of fight left in me. I’ve survived meningitis that put me in a coma at 18yrs, sexual assault, physical abuse, a stroke, aneurysms (brain surgery), severe epilepsy, my career ending and now this is what has taken my fight. How do I survive this?! How does anyone?! I know I’m not alone which I’m not sure if that’s helpful or heartbreaking, maybe both. If I’m so disgusted with myself how will all of my Dr’s feel about me now? Will they whisper behind my back and look at me differently? I’m absolutely terrified and horrified. To say I’m freaking out is an understatement. Any advice would help. I refuse to tell anyone other than my husband. People already treat me like I’m broken so I no longer tell people my health issues, including my siblings. Sympathy and pity are not helpful and now mix judgement, whispers and disgust. How do I get through this. I want a baby and my husband desperately wants children but how? Sorry for such a long rant. I hardly expect anyone to read this but getting it out is very helpful. In the event someone does read this I’m terribly sorry and very appreciative.