This is going to be a long one…
So I’ve been told I have herpes. I’ve got it from my boyfriend who I’ve been with for just over a year and a half and he’s my first partner. Let me start by making it clear that we were both really uneducated about stds and what symptoms mean what etc. So from the start I made me and my boyfriend use condoms (I never ever want children and am terrified of getting pregnant) and he’s been totally okay with it even up until this day. It’s my boundary and he respects that. He didn’t tell me he had unprotected sex in the past because a) he was ashamed due to some comments I made about people not using protection and b) he just didn’t think he had anything (you’ll see why later) and c) kinda forgot about the others girls he’d been with but he did tell me he had had sex before me. Eventually several months later he told me 4 out of 5 of the women he slept with were unprotected. When he told me I was fine about it, I just assumed if he had something I surely would have got it by now (yes dumb I know) so we carried on as normal using protection thinking we were safe as we were using condoms (again dumb I know). Last week he had some bumps come up on his penis we both looked at it and assumed it was irritation from shaving. Important to note here, a few years before we met he had the same bumps and went to the doctors. She simply told him it was ingrown hairs and never suggested a test and told him not to worry so of course he trusted her because she’s a doctor so the other week he just thought it was ingrown hairs again and we had sex then flash forward a few days and I’m getting blisters on my vagina. We’ve now been on a terrible journey together. We are both stressed, I’m so angry with him and it’s triggered my ptsd from being sexually abused as a child as I now feel even more powerless in my body and completely let down and violated by him. I’m just curious if anyone thinks it’s wrong that he didn’t tell me from the start? Am I being unreasonable to blame him? Has anyone got over this issue with their partner and worked it all out? I just feel so lost and alone right now. I went from loving him with all my heart to feeling empty inside when I’m with him. I think he’s genuinely sorry, he got so angry the other day that he self harmed which I hated because Ive done it my whole life so I know how desperate he was and he’s offered to pay for all my treatment and medication in the future. Please someone tell me it gets better.