Help_me

Thank you for all that information. It helped clear a lot up for me. He's a very special man and i want to handle this the right way. For what its worth I noticed herpes has changed him. He seems to appreciate emotional happiness in a relationship more than the average man, sex is still important to him just not the end all be all.

First, I just wanted to say, that even in a drunk state you did the right thing by using a condom. Also, give yourself some credit for telling him at all....that was very brave. When my boyfriend told me, I got tested afterwards as well just because I was not familiar with herpes and was a bit nervous. It took me a few months to adjust and now I don’t t even think about it. Give him some space and he will come around. If he doesn’t, then be happy that you didn’t waste any time on someone not worthy of you (you sound like a great girl). He's not angry with you and he's not ghosting you so most likely he just needs to see a negative test result before he can process where he sees the relationship going (just like I did). Im so sorry you are beating yourself up but try not to jump to conclusions, give him a week to process everything. Meanwhile know you have an entire community here to talk to when you are feeling down come lean on us.

What a jerk! You deserve MUCH better!

My current boyfriend waited FIVE months to disclose to me. In the meantime he got to know me and devolved a deep mental bond with me. We FaceTimed a lot (hes long distance) and slowly I fell in love with him. He told me I made him "emotionally happy" and that is the most important thing to him. I felt special and I loved how his herpes forced us to slow down and get to know each other FIRST. Before he came out to meet me for the first time he told me he needed to "speak to me about something important "....I was so nervous he was going to tell me he was married!! Instead he said "I have strong feelings for you and I can see us progressing into something much more but I need to let you know I have herpes"....honestly I was so relieved he wasnt married or breaking up with me I burst out laughing (probably not the best reaction). My sister has herpes and never gave it to her husband and I have worked in the medical field so I was aware of the risks. We talked a bit about how he takes daily anti virals and how he hasn't had an outbreak in years and never passed it to anyone. He asked if he could still come see me and said there was absolutely no pressure to do anything sexual. I agreed and we did have wonderful sex and I did not catch anything. My point is herpes can be a blessing in disguise because it in a way makes you get to know someone for a long time before jumping into bed. Only disclose to empathic and people worthy of that private knowledge . It really weeds out the bad apples. We are still dating almost two years later and he is truly the MOST amazing man Ive ever met. His years living with herpes has taught him there are more important things in life than just sex and I benefit greatly from that attitude . Just take your time disclosing, if a guy is worthy of you he will wait and be okay with getting to know you first. Only disclose when you feel 100% comfort in doing so. Anyway, hope my story helps a little. Stay strong, you always have friends here to talk to if you need us.

It was. But now that we got past that we need to talk about being more sexually careful. Any advice on that end? Ive given him unprotected oral sex and never got anything . Its disappointing to me not to be able to pleasure him that way again, how safe is it if he takes antivirals and he hasnt had outbreaks in over a decade? Hes a doctor and would know if he was having one. IDK, i guess Im asking how big is the oral risk. And is there anything besides condoms or are there special condoms we should be using?

I spoke too soon! He called me tonight and I told him I do not care at all about the herpes and I love him! Took so much courage but I did. I told him Id like to discuss further ways of being safe and he was excited about it all! Hes a doctor so Im sure he can go over all that with me. Thank you guys for all your help!

Horrible. We are barely communicating. I just dont see this working out unfortunately. I dont care at all about his herpes its not even a factor for me but its like a barrier between us....he feels like damaged goods or something . Thanks for the concern though.

My boyfriend could have disclosed to me via text since we are long distance and do a lot of texting. However he made it a point to FaceTime me that evening and tell me that way. Something about his bravery telling me face to face and the vulnerability and nervousness he showed while doing so made me instantly fall in love with him. I know it's difficult to do it face to face but try it that way if you can. Also, I was not expecting him to tell me this at ALL so my reaction was so off and so bad that I cringe thinking back on it. I kind of laughed and hurried off the subject (I thought he was gonna tell me he was married so I was actually probably more nervous than him). Don't take his first reaction to heart allow him a week to process how he feels. And yes let him fall for your personality first. My boyfriend took 5 months to tell me. And I did fall for his personality and charm (not to mention good looks). Don't feel rushed into telling him. You will know when the time is right. Good luck 🤞 and keep us posted. Remember if he is the one this won't matter at all to him. If he's not then he did you a favor by leaving. Either way you are brave for telling him at all.

I will let you know. Right now he's overwhelmed at work with all the COVID and RSV going around. So I probably won't have the conversation till he has some time off around Christmas.

Processing the risks took me some time because of my underlying conditions but my love for him now has made me realize the herpes is nothing. I cant lose him. He means the world to me.

Thank you SO MUCH for sharing!!! Im so sorry for all the hurt you've had to endure. I will strongly take your advice into consideration . I love him, deeply. Im going to tell him. On my end I feel like maybe hes playing games with me. But the only way to know for sure is to be upfront with him which I will be, its time. Any advice on how to say the herpes doesnt matter to me without upsetting him? maybe I shouldn’t bring it up at all? Just tell him how I feel? Again thank you and dont give up, there is a special woman out there for you who will except ALL of you.

I just had a man tell me after 5 months of him courting me without sex. I think its best you develop a deep bond before you tell them. Just be upfront with them. My partner is a doctor and this is how he disclosed "I see things progressing with us and I want to be fully honest with you before we move forward, I have herpes. My girlfriend gave it to me a long time ago. I take antiviral medications and I have not had an out break in years". I loved him for taking the time to get to know me without jumping in the sack with me and his honesty just made me love him more. If she really cares for you she will be okay with it. Dont be ashamed and be direct.

A year and a half ago I was scrolling through Tinder (I know don't judge me) and I came across a handsome pediatrician whos profile said he was only a few miles away from me. So I clicked on him thinking Id never hear from him. Minutes later he had me engaged in a wonderfully funny and entertaining conversation . He asked for my phone number which I happily gave him and after about a half hour of chatting via text he said he had bad news. He told me he was just in my area for a funeral , he actual lives a few states away from me. I was disappointed but didn’t give it much thought, I figured it would fizzle out between us. It didn’t , he kept pursuing me. We would FaceTime for hours, text and talk on the phone. He's 53 years old, never been married and no kids. Im 45 and the same. The long distance to me felt very Romeo and Juliet and I enjoyed it; I felt special, like he wanted to know me and not just for sex. Around the 5th month of our long distance courtship he mentioned coming out to see me for an evening, he stressed that their would be "no pressure" & he wasn't "expecting anything ". Well I was so nervous running around getting ready for his visit that I barely realized he was being a bit distant a week prior to his arrival. Two days before he was to fly out he called me and asked if I had time to FaceTime that evening that "he had something he wanted to talk to me about". Well he disclosed right then, I was in total shock. I told him my sister had herpes and she never gave it to her husband and he said he hasnt gotten an outbreak in many years. I said it didnt matter and told him I still wanted to see him. But deep down I felt a bit betrayed, his whole getting to know me was just because he had to work me over before he disclosed and he's a very well known doctor so he HAD TO disclose . I no longer felt special. I was also upset that now I was head over heels for him and had no real time to process it. Anyway, he came out and the sexual chemistry was off the charts with us. We had a great night that ended with unprotected sex (he is a doctor and said it was safe). The next day he left and that's when I unfortunately got a bit freaked out. He thought everything was fine so he went right back to his busy schedule but inside I was scared and confused and I ended up with a small sore on the inside of my lip (yes we did oral). I sent him a picture of it and said I was worried, he offered to talk to me or call me in antivirals although he said he didn’t think that was what I had (it may not have been). I pulled away after that and he basically let me. Since then its been this bizarre online relationship with us (for 18 months now!!) and neither of us have talked about seeing each other again. He says I make him emotionally happy and he looks forward to my FaceTime all week. But we are at a complete stand still and this herpes situation complicates everything. Ive been tested 3 times since our encounter and I do not have HSV2. Are there any men who can tell me what its like dating with herpes? How do I address this with him? How do I not offend him? Why is he at a stand still with me? This is so bizarre . My feelings are this-- Ive fallen in love with him. I dont think herpes are a big deal....a blister on your hoo-ha...so what!!!?? My sister has it, she is the cleanest person I know. Its mostly stigma. BUT BUT BUT....I have a pre-existing condition (he knows nothing about ) called pudendal neuralgia which is a damaged nerve in the pelvis. I also have severe endometriosis (he knows). So if I got herpes it would make my two already extremely painful conditions even worse. Im also a 45 year old and single woman, yes Im a very nice looking but lets be frank herpes does make dating more difficult and i would like to get married one day soon. See the problems? I feel like he doesnt understand this is a big risk on my part and if Im going to take it on I need full cards on the deck....I need to know how he feels, what he sees happening between us, etc.....so I can make a choice. How can I talk to him (he still hasnt really told me his feelings) , how can I know how not to hurt his feelings while talking about this? Am I being unreasonable ? Please any advice would help. Has any man reading this ever had a relationship like this? For what its worth, I think all of you are so brave.