Elise6

I mustered all my energy last evening to get out and meet friends, at urging of sibling that knows how I am feeling, to try to Cheer up. The convo somehow turned to STI and I had to sit there and watch 5 people sneer in disgust and horror at the thought of their teenager kids getting an STD. Words like “gross” and “eww” and “ugh” being tossed around. as I sat there feeling the lingering pain of my second outbreak, I didnt say anything and just excused myself to the bathroom and left not long after. I would never physically harm myself bc of my kids- i am all they have-but the reality is I am dead on the inside. i am just grateful I am older when I got this so I wont have to live as long with this horror

Trying my best to hold on. Feels impossible. Thank god I have my kids to keep my here and grounded. its been 5 mo since dx and it feels like it is getting worse mentally . thanks again for kind words of encouragement

Thank you for your kind words. While realizing feelings aren’t facts, they still make up my reality. This just feels unbearable to live with.

I need help. Please. F, 51 NYC area, I don’t care re gender or age of buddy. Dx 5 months ago - contracted from one encounter from the first man I have been with since marriage ended. I was so excited for my new life… and now… I have never been lower in my entire life. I am terrified of my own body. Disgusted by myself. I am anxious to begin with … now every twinge below my waist makes me wonder if I am going to have an outbreak or if I am contagious/shedding. The uncertainty is unbearable. I feel like a walking biohazard . My gynecologist tells me its not a big deal…I feel like the mental trauma and emotional damage is barely addressed by the doctors . My life feels over. The woman I was before dx is gone. All that is left is a shell of a person.