Jump to content

GreenEyes87

Members
  • Posts

    41
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by GreenEyes87

  1. I have done this and honestly, as I have gotten more comfortable with my diagnosis (7 years now, 5 of which are asymptomatic) I find that I have a harder time disclosing, mainly because I know it's such a trivial problem but that darn stigma lingers on. Hilariously, none of my disclosures to date have resulted in a rejection. Not one. Including the one that came a little late. But I still get nervous every time and sometimes wonder if it truly is necessary. Well, yes. It's necessary. And now that you've reached this point, my advice is to approach it as guiltlessly and shamelessly as possible. Be matter of fact and give him the stats. Act like its a slightly annoying skin condition. Because, frankly, that's all it is. Let him know you care for him and want to give him the tools to make educated choices about your sex lives. If he's a half way decent person, he will at the very least appreciate your courage and honesty. And you'll feel better too! And again, none of my disclosures (and I've had a few ;) ) resulted in rejection. The relationships ended due to every other thing aside from herpes. So be optimistic!
  2. @gardenia I could definitely see where waiting could be hard on the self esteem but if I were to grab for a silver lining there I would say there's obviously lots about you he likes enough to still be thinking. But he needs to also understand the strain it puts you under and work with that under consideration as well. :)
  3. All three of my disclosures were accepted immediately. Sheer luck of the draw I suppose. No waiting period. Everyone is different. Disclosure one and two happened over the phone due to long distance situations. Both of those relationships ended before intimacy for other reasons. Disclosure three was in person and after sex (which is not the correct way to go about it but mistakes happen). He was receptive and open and assumed the risk based on his feelings for me. We are now going pretty strong (though this is now long distance too because he is in the Army...I can't seem to pin someone down locally these days lol). As benign a condition as it is to us who have it, it's still scary to some of those who don't and who lack knowledge regarding the subject. Education and patience is key. If they still hem and haw and can't get passed it, they aren't a bad person, per se, but may not be the one for you. If all of the other wonderful things about you don't keep them around, why bother?
  4. I did for a bit after we broke up. We stayed together for 4 years after my diagnosis and became engaged. We broke up for other reasons but only then, standing at the precipice of single life did I feel the first real harsh sting of the stigma. The situation was convoluted too, mainly because I found out he slept with his ex girlfriend after I was diagnosed which not only made him a cheater but also made him look like the type who would knowingly have sex with the virus which caused me to question whether or not he knew. Rather than over analyze every detail I just let herpes fade into the background. It couldn't be changed and it helped me better analyze the important aspects of our relationship, which were sorely lacking. Now I'm in a happy relationship with an H- partner who accepted me fully and had two prior successful disclosures (though both relationships stalled prior to sex). No reason for resentment, it does nothing to the person you resent and does nothing but harm to you. Good luck!
  5. IF you do get it and IF it doesn't work out, please keep in mind that it's a cold sore. Pure and simple. Inconvenient and occasionally annoying, but benign and non threatening. It's the stigma that really blows and we can eradicate it through education.
  6. Female to male transmission rates are about 4% per YEAR. And that's only while avoiding sex with an outbreak. Condoms further reduce the risk. Add antivirals and you're looking at a 1% chance in a whole year of sexual activity. The male genitals are less susceptible to the virus because there are less mucous membranes. I would say, get tested before you sleep with her so you're sure of your own status. You may already carry the virus. Also ask her how long she's had it and how often she has outbreaks. Ability to transmit decreases over time due to less viral shedding.
  7. @faith if he knows your status and has accepted it there is no reason you can't enjoy sex as long as you know you aren't showing symptoms. Just use precautions. Antivirals and condoms. The stats Willow posted are correct.
  8. I mean abstain from sex while you feel those things to clarify ;)
  9. By the way, until you know the difference between prodrome and irritation, abstain from sex. No worries! You'll learn to know your body and how it handles this pesky little bugger!
  10. Yes. When the virus is becoming active you may experience prodrome, a series of signs and symptoms that indicate an outbreak is imminent. However, as your body learns to handle the virus, prodrome does not always lead to an outbreak. Also, consider that, especially so soon after your diagnosis, you will become hyper aware of your "bits" and may mistake tingles or itches that you barely noticed before as H related.
  11. If he in fact gave it to you, it's more than possible he didn't know he had it. Most people don't. Ideally, he should educate himself, get himself tested, and be an active supporter of you in this. If he isn't, well then maybe you'll end up dodging a bullet. I'm in my first relationship (with intimacy) since my diagnosis (except for the one I was in with my giver). I told him, threw down some stats and facts, and he has determined he and I are worth the minimal risk and minor inconvenience. He's moving to Germany (tomorrow) and will be there for three years (Army). We've got bigger problems to hurdle than a skin condition. And that's all it is. It seems worse in the beginning because initial outbreaks SUCK but I promise, in time, you'll find them fewer and farther between and barely even noticeable. Use this time to get to know your body and read the signals and utilize the advice and handouts here. You'll be ok!
  12. I called my OBGYN to discuss the details of my initial diagnosis five years ago because the whole thing was such a blur I really don't remember. I believe there was a swab done on one of the lesions and that it came back positive, however it did occur to me that I wasn't typed at the office I was typed at my GP's when I asked him for Valtrex. He asked what type I had and I didn't know so he assumed HSV-2 when I said my outbreak was genital. So, given this, I wanted the details again so I can be more informed for my partner. Not only did they not save those records, but when I asked if he and I could come in for a full panel and HSV blood test they flat out refused to see him and told me I needed a consultation first because they "don't just do those tests randomly." Ummm...WHY THE HELL NOT? Thanks for being a part of the problem. He'll get a full physical when he reports in Germany, but the military, like civilian docs, does not test for HSV automatically and I want to be with him in case a hammer falls. Because he recently told me a story that indicated he was diagnosed with HSV-1 visually when he was in Iraq. He had an apparent outbreak on his neck. Two doctors called herpes and gave him antivirals. What annoys me even further is that my test was done with a prior OBGYN who did not transfer the records. So the nurse, at one point, said to me, "We have no record of a diagnosis, you told us you had herpes and we believed you." WHAT?! So I going to get retested so I can be "rediagnosed" with details. And I need to find a place that will test him for antibodies before he leaves to report for duty next week. If he already has a possible history (which could also have been shingles...it went away after the antivirals and never returned) we both should know and he deserves to have someone with him. But I'm annoyed that I'm trying to be responsible post disclosure and a doctor is refusing to test him or even myself on short notice.
  13. I recently posted a disclosure story and it was ultimately a success despite the scary start. Now I'm wondering how to shake the paranoia. As much as I'm enjoying my first H+ H- relationship (the statuses mainly making me happy I'm not limited to the H+ community) I can't shake that little bit of nervousness and I find myself a bit distracted during sex. I know he has assumed the risk by choice at this point but I still get a little shaken up. How the hell do I relax?! Lol
  14. @Confused Great job! And thank you! I don't mind sharing that we have continued to have an intimate relationship and it is so much more enjoyable knowing that everything is on the table...and when you can remember it...LOL
  15. Maybe if we just start calling it sexual herpes. That almost makes it sound appealing.
  16. I agree with you seeker. I don't think anyone will argue that society has skewed priorities. And maybe people should take note that the virus they're all so scared of is one that ranks low on the priority list in the medical community. How many posts have we seen describing utterly dismissive doctors?
  17. Yeah I suppose if we all got better they'd be out of a job. Makes you wonder.
  18. I'm down for helping spread some knowledge. I'm sick of the stigma and ignorance. And I like the commercial I'm talking about because it approached H from a happy and realistic perspective.
  19. They stopped the HPV ads too. THESE are the things that will keep people educated. When will this society learn that NOT talking about the problem EXACERBATES the problem.
  20. Remember a few years ago, they had a commercial with a couple who said the woman had genital herpes and the man didn't and they used Valtrex to help keep it that way? WHY DON'T THEY AIR IT ANYMORE? Or any commercial that approaches the topic? I read a blog just now where completely ignorant people were saying things like it shouldn't be aired because kids can be around or because it encourages irresponsibility. So, we can show tv show after tv show of people falling into bed with each other or shows that approach teen pregnancy but a commercial about a drug that sends the message that it's possible to be happy and healthy with a common virus isn't ok? Kids are seeing things like Jersey Shore and Teen Mom, shows that glorify hard partying and teen pregnancy. Who cares if a commercial comes on about herpes, a virus most of the little angels carry and can spread later when they become sexually active? I feel that taking this commercial off the air furthered the stigma. Thoughts?
  21. I was very very relieved. Now the only obstacle to jump over is the three years over seas lol.
  22. So he flew in today and we went out to dinner. And for the whole night I didn't think I could do it. Then we went for a walk on the beach and had long talks about our lives, things we knew and didn't know about each other. I kept apologizing for that night and finally sat him down and explained why. I told him that I'm positive for HSV, explained that I am asymptomatic at this time and that I am on medication to suppress it. He asked what it was and I explained it was the virus that causes herpes. His response..."doesn't everyone have that?" I explained that it was very common and that most people who have it don't know it but that it's no different than cold sores. He asked some questions, I dropped some stats. I said I would never guarantee that there isn't risk but that when approached correctly it's low and that I'm grateful I'm aware of it so I can look after my health and the health of my partner. I apologized for my part in the careless behavior and let him know that it should not happen that way again. He asked how you make a long term relationship work with that and I explained it's all about knowing your body and being responsible and communicating. And that healthy relationships are possible. His final response was, "ok" and "I trust you." The rest of the evening was lovely and I can finally sleep at night.
×
×
  • Create New...