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DanieM

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Everything posted by DanieM

  1. Ah, you're so right! I just read through your post about disclosing on online dating profiles and LOVE the wing-man post on the blog. Both super inspiring! And you're on point about the stigma in our heads. I know I had a stigma about it prior to when I first was diagnosed, which is what made it so hard for me in the beginning. But once, I got my facts straight, and learned to look at things more clearly, I wasn't nearly as big of a blow as I thought it was. Thanks for all your bravery, words of wisdom and compassion! It's so comforting to see such supportive, smart, wonderful people on here. :)
  2. Herpes as a wing-[wo]man (that's the feminist in me emerging ;) ) is a perfect way to describe it! It brings a clarity to sex and relationships that I wasn't seeing before. Whether it's about casual sex or committed relationships, or even friendships-conversation is key. And having H is a great way to weed out the people that are worth your time and care. I've spent a lot of energy in the past in all types of relationships with people that were never very good for me. And now I got H on my side, helping surround myself with people who matter. I'm still slowly, gradually 'coming out' with it so to speak (only select friends know), but that first big step was for ME to be ok with it. And once I was, it was like a door was being help wide open for me. Herpes went from being a storm cloud to the silver lining I needed to I feel more empowered about love, sex, and relationships.
  3. Thanks Dancer :) Herpes has created a funny, new way to navigate the dating world, but a helpful one in the long run.
  4. First off I want to mention that I came across this site not too long ago and perused around the comments and discussions and was overwhelmed with the amount of love and support and generosity that is flowing here. Such a safe haven for what can be a tricky and confusing new chapter in H+ lives. I've had HSV2 for about a year and half now. I contracted it after I broke up with my ex of 3 years. Vulnerable and lonely one drunken night, I slept with a friend of mine (who was completely in the dark about Herpes-as most people are) and 2 weeks later I had my first OB; went to my doctors and got the results. I cried, felt sorry for myself, felt even more alone, cried some more and eventually accepted and began loving myself again. I did some online dating with other H+ people, because that was the most comfortable way for me to get back in the game. I met some nice guys through the site who I am still friends with, but felt a nagging feeling that I was limiting my dating options and being the stubborn person that I am, I never like letting anything dictate what I can and cant do ;) This past summer, I had been working at a gallery and spent a lot of time with a man that was essentially my boss. We were friendly with each other and occasionally flirted, but I put the brakes on for a lot of reasons. #1 reason being I had Herpes, #2 reason he was in a superior position at a place where I worked. So, I chalked it up to fun flirtation that wouldn't lead anywhere. A few weeks ago, he got a job at another museum and immediately asked me out. I agreed and spent the weeks leading up to our date in constant anxiety, because I knew I might have to tell him. I scripted out what I wanted to say and anticipated every reaction under the sun he might have. Eventually, we had this amazing date, lasting almost 10 hours of talking, eating, drinking, and laughing. He explained that he had wanted to ask me out for months but wanted to keep those professional boundaries and how excited he was that that boundary wasn't there anymore. I felt that this was my cue. I explained to him how much I liked him, and that if this was going to go anywhere at all, I wanted to be upfront and honest with him and that I had herpes. He asked lots of questions and I let him take his time to understand my answers. He stayed over that night and we did not get intimate, but he reiterated how much he likes me and understands what comes with liking me and wants to continue to see me. He joked (since he's about 8 years older than me) that not much can surprise him in his old age. Relief. Giddiness. Confidence. Surprise. Happiness. His supportive response made the first time telling someone about my H+ story feel like a breeze. Any lingering feelings of shame and guilt over my 'dirty secret' washed away. What we have is still very new, and I'm excited to see where it goes, but more importantly I feel good about myself. I entered into something I wasn't sure I would be ready for and came out on the other side, unscathed. Down the line, it could work out wonderfully, or it could not, but I'm not concerned with those things, just with the fact that I took control of Herpes and didn't let it take control of me.
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