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scaredypanties

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  1. Thanks ladies! I appreciate the input! :-) I did tell him the stats -- that he himself might already have it, and that he's probably already been with women who have it. And I did let him know he could still get it from someone who isn;t having an OB. I get the feeling he finds the whole conversation awkward and would rather not have it...but it's important he knows, so that he can't blame me down the line, I guess.. Arrgh, all this is so much freaking hassle it just seems like it would be easier to stay celibate and just get a vibrator!!! I mean, he'll probably turn out to be an asshole anyway....what's the point?! Seems like a lot of wasted time and energy that could be put to better use...ya know?!?
  2. My understanding of the way this rigamarole worked was, your immune system gradually figures out how to "deal with" the virus, and your outbreaks become less frequent/severe over time. I initially contracted HSV2 in May 2012, and had about one mild outbreak every month-6 weeks for the next year or so. They did seem to lessen in severity somewhat, and then after one in early Sept. 2013, I did not have any symptoms at all for 4 months. I thought, "Hooray! My body has figured this shit out, and I'll be one of those lucky asymptomatic people from now on." It's still a bitch having to disclose, but so much easier when you can say "I've had it long enough to where I no longer experience outbreaks." Freaks people out less, ya know? Well, I've been seeing this guy from another state on and off for a couple months, and our texting finally got to the point where I figured I should get it over with and tell him. He seemed slightly fazed, but said it wouldn't stop him. And I busted out my "Yeah, and anyway I've had it long enough to where my immune system mostly suppresses it," so I think that may have helped. (I also quoted some numbers, but he declined my offer to send him the fact sheet. He just said, "As long as you can promise me you don't have breakouts, it's OK." I told him I can't promise him anything, that I'll have it forever...but that I hadn't had any in a while.) BAM!! No sooner did we have this discussion, then I started having breakouts again! They are mild as ever, more of an annoyance than anything, and no one would ever be able to spot them visually...but the fact is, I've had three in three weeks! I even got a cold sore on my lip, which has never once happened to me (I have both 1 and 2, but 1 never presented itself til now). It's a real bummer -- I was feeling pretty good, like "I can handle this, this guy still likes me and everything is gonna be OK!" But the flare-ups have me in a funk. I do everything I can to be healthy -- I take vitamins and lysine and exercise and eat healthy...but it seems like it's something out of my control, and that is supremely frustrating!!! 2 years into this, and it's not getting any easier :-/ What freaks me out now is, this guy is talking about coming to see me, and I'm so afraid I'll have a fucking breakout or prodrome RIGHT when he's here. I'm sure the freaking out is just creating stress, making breakouts MORE likely. Vicious cycle! For all the long-timers on the site...what was your experience? Did your breakouts lessen over time? I need some reassurance!!
  3. I have to disagree with you guys...I prefer to disclose via text or email. I feel like that makes it less awkward, as it gives him the chance to process the info on his own, without my being there to influence him one way or the other. This way, if he decides to proceed, I can be more sure that he's doing so because he thought it through on his own and came to that conclusion on his own. If I were to tell him in person, I feel like he'd be more likely to accept it (or pretend to accept it) out of a sense of kindness/not wanting to hurt my feelings....because I'm sitting RIGHT THERE waiting fearfully for his reaction.
  4. I have had herpes for about a year and a half, and so far I only take acyclovir when experiencing prodome or a breakout (if I miss the prodome signals). I thought I had read somewhere that taking it daily adversely affects the kidneys or liver...not sure there's any truth to this, but I'm kind of a crunchy granola anti-pharmaceutical person anyway, so avoid taking pills unless I absolutely HAVE to. I'm lucky in that my breakouts are pretty mild, but even so I don't feel like the acyclovir really shortens the duration. But if I do start dating an H- person (possibility on the horizon), I guess I would want to start taking it daily as suppressive therapy. The directions on my acyclovir say to take it every 8 hours...which, with my shitty insurance (self-employed...d'oh) would cost me about $30/month. Meanwhile, a Google search seems to reveal that valacyclovir only needs to be taken once daily, which would be a lot easier. There also appears to be a generic version of valacyclovir out there, which I'm hoping won't cost me (much) more. But in the event that it DOES end up being prohibitively more expensive.... Is valacyclovir more effective than acyclovir? Or is its only advantage the once-daily dosage? And YES, I am a broke-ass hack who has to crunch numbers like this! :-/
  5. thanks! I love what Dancer said about if everyone came out at once, we'd be the majority...ARRRRGH why can't we all work up the balls to do this???!
  6. You are fantastic! I hope to follow in your footsteps SOON!
  7. Hey everyone, thanks for adding me to your powwow. Sorry for the crummy profile pic, but I couldn't get the thumbnail to adjust :) By way of introduction, here's my story: Back in 2008, I had just bought a house with a guy I intended to marry and live with happily ever after. Due to various issues, however, we broke up shortly after buying the house -- in my name, of course. He moved out, leaving me with an overwhelming, monstrously shady mortgage...and at the exact same time, informed me had had just been diagnosed with herpes. Since I had been with him for nearly 3 years, I knew I needed to get checked as well -- despite having never had any symptoms whatsoever. I knew from my internet research that many infected people never show any signs of having it, so I went in for a blood test -- which of course, came back positive. I went through all the usual wailing and teeth-gnashing, but I got over it fairly quickly and joined some online dating sites specific to people with STDs. I also put up profiles on many mainstream dating sites, mentioning my HSV2-positive status right up front on my profile (I'm hardcore like that). Surprisingly, it didn't seem to stop guys from hitting me up! And it was a GREAT way of avoiding the unpleasantness of the Talk. I ended up dating a guy I met on one of the STD sites for about a year, and had a few other short romances after that. I had pretty much gotten used to/almost forgotten about having herpes (I still had never had a single outbreak), when in late 2010 I was cleaning out my files, and happened to find my herpes blood test results. At the time I was diagnosed, the doctor had handed me the results, which I stuffed in my pocket without really looking at. I was too upset to go over them...and besides, what difference did it make? Well, here I was more than 2 years later, and I finally got around to looking at them.... And to my surprise, I found that they had given me the wrong person's test results!!!!! I noticed the wrong D/O/B at the top, which clued me in that there had been a paperwork mixup leading me to receive the wrong person's diagnosis. WOW. Meanwhile, in the intervening 2 years I had had unprotected sex MANY times with my h-positive boyfriend...so I figured this was one of those weird Gift-of-the-Magi-type switcheroos. I probably HADN'T had it...but I surely did by now! D'OH!! I was so acclimatized to the idea of having herpes by now, however, that this thought didn't even piss me off. I just sort of shrugged ruefully, and went in to get re-tested. And can you believe it...it came back negative!!! The entire preceding two years of strife, tears and misery had been for NOTHING! So there I was at the start of 2011, free to fuck around unfettered once again. Having been granted a weird gift, and learned a valuable lesson, I made sure to use condoms with my next two boyfriends. Meanwhile, I extricated myself from my precarious financial state, short-selling my house and moving on with my life. I bought a new place for much cheaper, and the world was now at my feet: debt and disease-free!! Yay!!! Welllll........GUESS WHAT HAPPENED. I started dating a guy in 2012 --- an Air Force stud, smart and good-looking and so All-American it made your teeth hurt. We dated for about 6 months, and to my everlasting shame and regret, did not use protection. (Guys always bitch about how much they hate wearing condoms, and I'm pretty weak-willed sometimes, so I caved in.) That whole summer, I had an inordinate number of yeast infections and other vaginal distress...but it wasn't until we broke up in September that I went in to get checked out. Another blood test revealed that this time, I really DID have herpes! D'OH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I tried not to be angry with the Air Force guy -- I'll give him the benefit of the doubt that he didn't know, and besides it was half my fault anyway, for not insisting on a condom. I did let him know what was going on, however, and he got tested and came up positive as well. So at least he knows now, and hopefully is responsible about it. (I don't know, I haven't heard hide nor hair from him since.) So, there I was -- newly diagnosed with herpes for the 2nd time. You'd think it would have been a breeze, since I had already gone through the angst-acceptance process the first time...all I had to do was pick up where I left off, right? Well, it hasn't been that easy. This time around, I find myself much more ashamed and unwilling to advertise my status -- I don't have any dating profiles up at all, and even joining THIS site took me two years! It is my sincere hope that I can someday soon get to the same place as Adrial, and just be upfront and a total badass about it. Adrial, you are my new idol! I can't say enough how fucking bad-ass you come across. I chose the username "scaredypanties" because that's what I am these days -- a total puss, cowering in the closet. Hopefully soon, I can change that username to "TotalBadAss." I have had one partner since my diagnosis, who took it well and had no problem with it...but he moved to Africa and it was never really a long-term thing, anyway...so I'm single again. And that is what led me to join this site -- my second foray into disclosing my status went sadly awry...but I'll write about that separately, since this is already long enough. Anyway, how do you like that? Herpetic...then saved by a bizarre stroke of luck...and then pissed it all away again...and now back in the club. I'd like to say it's good to be back........but I'm not THAT crazy! P.S. I did wonder if maybe blood tests are wacky, and the number of antibodies in my blood had just decreased enough by the time of my 2nd test to where it came up negative, when in fact I WAS positive all along...but I seriously doubt it. I never had ANY symptoms til this second time, and boy howdy there's no mistaking them now. I've also wondered if maybe I WAS positive all along, and *I'm* the one who passed it to the Air Force guy...but again, my symptoms all kicked in precisely after we'd started having sex. It's just too convenient. But whatevs!
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