About a week before I turned 21, I was diagnosed with HSV-2. This changed the path of my life dramatically. The number of partners I had at that point was small so I did tell them but no one admitted to having it and I’m not sure if any got tested. Obviously, lesson learned the hard way. I was devestated but kept it to myself because I knew all of the stigmas that come with it.
That is how I found myself with my ex (father of my children). Obviously we were not always protected. He knew of course but was the first man to accept me and the diagnosis since I had found out. It was not a great relationship and ended after a few years. I am now 38 with 2 beautiful teenagers.
I did get a titer done a few years ago because I never had more than the initial outbreak and it was confirmed that I did in fact have HSV-2. I did date when the kids were much younger and I had sort of gotten used to having the discussion with potential partners but my self esteem has not really rose back up to pre 21 year old self.
I have recently decided to start dating again and I did have “the” conversation and it was horrible. He didn’t ask questions just said we could still be friends. I respect his decision and I get it. We had talked on and off since 2016, had the conversation with him at that point too and it went the same way so this was not a surprise at all. I will tell you, I have not cried in YEARS until that night. I couldn’t stop. I forgot how hard the conversation was.
I have met someone else who was educated on it and knows the precautions to take but-online dating (that has changed a lot too since I’ve done this). I do feel like the men that are worth the time won’t accept it and the men who accept it aren’t worth the time but I also know that is probably more in my head and I’m trying to work through it.
I would never date anyone without telling them first. I had my choice taken away and I will not do that to anyone else.
Does anyone have recent experiences or advice for how to have the conversation or when especially in regards to online dating? I have pretty much sworn off men for the last 8-9 years to focus on school, kids and work so just the dating piece is hard without the added stress.