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CatsAndCrochet

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CatsAndCrochet last won the day on July 11 2024

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  1. Hi, I was diagnosed with HSV 1+2 a few months ago, after my first outbreak. My partner (m) and I (f) have only had protected sex with a condom since that time, and have not engaged in any foreplay, as he’s feeling nervous. we have been together for years (I got the HSV from a threesome we had together years ago, and he didn’t get it) and he hasn’t gotten it from me - unless he’s also been lucky enough not to have an outbreak to date, but his immune system is awful so I doubt it. He hasn’t been tested. We are hoping the forum can help answer some of his questions to help with his comfort level with sex. I’ve shared some of my research with him before but it’s a lot to process I know 1) is it safe for him to touch my genitals when I am asymptomatic? He picks his cuticles and it’s not uncommon he has a hangnail as a result, so I’m a bit nervous about whitlow 2) what is the risk of transmission if he performs oral sex on me when I am asymptomatic? 3) what is the risk of transmission if we do not use a condom when I am asymptomatic? I am not on daily suppressants and we will want to start a family in a few years thanks in advance for The help!
  2. Hi i recently learned I have herpes which has been dormant for years before I experienced my first outbreak this month I’ve been with my partner for many years and he has never had an outbreak despite us being hit or miss with condoms if I’ve had herpes for years but never had an outbreak…was I still shedding the virus in a way that he would be able to get it from me? Like can you transmit it before your first outbreak if it’s always been asymptomatic/dormant? I know you can as a general rule but am having trouble finding this specific info online thank you
  3. Yes, I’ve donated blood 10X since I’ve had herpes (I think, hard to say a specific date of transmission) they will call you if they can’t use your blood, they have called me if my blood ferritin is too low. I’ve never had them say they can’t use it because of the herpes I’m not even sure it showed up in the tests they run, seeing as I’ve unknowingly had it for years and they never told me about it!
  4. Hi, me again. i have so much in my mind. I think i am mourning the changes i expect to my sex life with this diagnosis. I feel like if my husband doesn’t have it, we will have to be so much more careful now with condoms all the time (I’m also on the pill), and omitting oral sex altogether (I’ve never used a dental dam I’m not sure if it is weird or not). my partner and I have also engaged in consensual non monogamy in the past (with other women). I’m sad to think that may have to end. My experience of queer sex with other women is that people are not into dental dams (I know that’s a generalization). im also so scared of another outbreak, which seems inevitable. It was so painful and embarrassing the first time, I dread the idea of it happening again. Like I had to cancel plans and miss work for the pain, and if it keeps happening how do I explain that to people? im also afraid of how this impacts family planning, as we had wanted our first child in a few years. If my husband doesn’t have it it’s a risk for him to try to conceive naturally (but I know there’s suppressives I can take when that time comes). I’m also scared of having an outbreak late in pregnancy and having to get a c-section, which is something I’ve always wanted to avoid. I’ve done some research which helps me feel less shame and stigma…but at the same time I am so disgusted by myself and terrified of other people judging me for it (even though I don’t judge other people for it….but thats internalized stigma for you). I don’t want to tell anybody. but…I feel like I have to reach out and tell my old partners about it, even if I haven’t spoken to them for 3+ years…because we got it somewhere! I know it can come from oral as well but neither my husband or I get cold sores. I know people have to do it all the time but I hate the idea of having to send those messages to these old partners its just a lot to process.
  5. I apologize for how disjointed this may be, I’m having a lot of thoughts and feelings. I recently had what I thought was a bad stress-induced yeast infection and went to the walk-in clinic for antibiotics, as my family doc couldn’t fit me in. the walk in doctor said he thought it was herpes after an exam. I was shocked! I am married and my partner and I have been together for 13 years. We had very few partners before getting together. We stopped about 3 years ago, but used to engage in some multiple-partner sex together consensually, so each know all recent partners equally well. We asked each if they have any STIs beforehand and did not see any symptoms (I now know that’s not enough, but back then I did not realize that). I think this sounds like BS if you don’t know us, but my partner and I have a very secure relationship and I do not for a minute think he’s cheated and that’s where this came from. I know I didn’t have any new partners. Never did I dream that sex we had 3+ years ago would result in a herpes diagnosis today. I’ve never had any symptoms or outbreaks or anything before, even when I supposedly contracted it. Nor has my partner. so the walk in doctor sent a swab away and told me to do bloodwork. The walk-in said they would call me if the results were positive, but they would not call me at all if they negative. I was too anxious for that. so I called and left a voicemail and asked them to call me with the results. They didn’t get back to me, so I had called again, at which time they told me over the phone that it was negative, so I felt so relieved and it took away so much worry. i still discussed it with my family doctor when i saw her for my usual physical today (I wanted to know what it WAS if it was not herped). She pulled up the swab results (which i called the walk-in and asked them to send her)…and they were f-ing positive!!! She showed me the paperwork, and it said “reactive” for the herpes. She conducted an exam and said she thinks it’s herpes. I’m still waiting on the blood test results. so I’m home from my family doc for less than an hour…and the walk-in calls me specifically about my test results (I guess in response to that first voicemail)…and says again that they are negative!! I told them I JUST left my doctor who said it was positive, and ask them to have their doctor review the results again and call my doc. firstly, I’m so angry with all the calls and run around and misinformation happening here. I’m going to make a second post for my upset about the results themselves. sorry for so much info, it’s just a lot to process.
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