faith700

ScornedVillager, Thank you so much, I was reading your response and the waterworks were on! :) I totally agree with you that the less people know the better-I just have this gnawing feeling of being treated "differently" because of it. Only a few people even know that I have diabetes or MG, let alone HSV2. I have this notion that I have to protect myself no matter what and I have been critically judged & made fun of because of that, I'm pretty sure that they would have a field day with this development. Thank you for telling me that I am not dirty or unwanted. I have felt this way for so long & it seems as if it will not go away. I used to ask "why are these things happening to me?" But I don't do that anymore. I really want to find the strength that I know I have, but I always find myself retreating. I'm extremely afraid of dating because I truly feel that they would eventually reject me because of it. I do get lonely a lot and it may get worse as I age, I just want to be "accepted" not because of my ailments but because of my character, but judgment on others is so rampant, even if you are suffering, everyone has an opinion on what you should've/could've done to "save" yourself. Genetics handed me two lifelong ailments and now I have this one, so yes I do feel unwanted but I'm really working on that part. Again THANK YOU SO MUCH for your response, you have no idea how much it helps me.

"Black women had the highest rate of infection at 48 percent and women were nearly twice likely as men to be infected, according to an analysis by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention." I'm part of that "percentage". First I want to say that my story is not one that I am ashamed of or maybe some have even heard but I'm alive and I have decided that I should finally say something, after being diagnosed 6 years ago, I have been in denial since...and I still am, but I know there is a purpose under the sun for everything. My name is Faith and I have HSV2. This is my story ... I contracted herpes from a horrible sexual assault (in which I still blame myself for to this day BUT I'm better now than I was then), and of course it was devastating, not only to be assaulted but to have this life-long reminder of it is just as painful enough. At the time I was so depressed because 3 years before,I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes & that revelation took me downhill immediately. I trusted ANYONE who would give me the time of day. In doing so I did not pay attention to the "signs" that this guy was showing me... BUT that story is not why I am here. I am here because there may be someone out there LIKE ME that is ashamed and afraid to say anything to anyone because of the stigma of it all. I don't have the confidence that I should have, and I often feel tainted and unworthy of any "good" relationship, so I just decided to abstain from sex as much as possible, and honestly it's really not a big change. I have a sickening fear of "infecting" someone or even being assaulted again. My culture is not as open to discussing such things with open arms and understanding. There is a rampant AIDS epidemic and it just so happens that African-American women are the highest in that category too. I'm definitely grateful that I do not have AIDS and maybe herpes has saved me from that. I feel as if I'm just a walking statistic, labeled without even knowing just because of my ethnicity. What GOD (hope I didn't offend anyone) has purposed for my life will come to pass. I have two chronic conditions along with HSV2, so I fight these things daily BUT friends, I'm still here, FIGHTING because it took everything in my being to even log onto this website without looking over my shoulder (even though I am home alone). Please read this and don't feel sorry or pity for me — or for yourself — there are so many things that are to be explored. Don't miss your destiny. Keep loving and living. ♥