lovelucky

Thanks, he said it after sex, and before. It was something that we talked about. Ah, sigh, it's ok. Thank you Anna and hippyherpy :)

True, I hope so. Went from "I really really like you and want to pursue a relationship" to "oh, I guess I never should have been with you." plus more damaging things. Things not to say! I tend to ruminate on things, I guess I will just need a little time.

I suppose any rejection is gonna hurt, this one stings badly because of my history....not being told, having a monster primary ob. Doing the right thing and disclosing. But yeah, I understand his point of view. Reality struck, I get it, I just feel like shit. We were having problems communicating anyways, I'm going to do my best to move on. It's probably for the best. I do understand why people stick with other HSV+ people, it would be really nice to have that issue off the table. Relationships are tough already.

Thank you Anna, I appreciate what you said. It's all true.

I was seeing someone who initially was ok with the virus (well, said he was), but then changed his mind when he thought he might have symptoms. He then expressed regret about getting involved with me, saying some pretty hurtful things. I would of handled the rejection better from the start. Anyways, wondering if this has happened to anyone here? BTW I was upfront from the start, before anything happened. He said it didn't matter.

I love Dan Savage for his response.

I've heard the 70's look is coming back :) My doctor said the same thing, and she was pretty disturbed that the younger crowd was going hairless.

My first ob lasted over a month, and for months afterwards I had shooting pains. Then for the last 2 and a half years I've had nothing, no symptoms. The first ob might of been a cluster of outbreaks, one after the other. Couldn't pee, high fever, chills, pain in the groin, enlarged glands, the whole, horrible worst case you could imagine.

It's a little itchy. It's in my nether regions. It hurts quite a bit. I think I've blocked out much of my first and only outbreak b/c it was so severe and painful. If this Is one, it's no where near as bad. I use handmade soaps that are really mild b/c I get dry skin, so I don't think it's that. Thanks for the reply I'll keep an eye on it.

I have a patch of really red skin, it hurts but there is no bump or blister looking anything. Just sore skin. I have done nothing to make my skin sore so I'm thinking it may be an ob? Has this happened to anyone?

I've also heard that men are more accepting. To be honest I would of probably been pretty freaked out had my ex disclosed (he didn't, that's why I'm here). One friend I told said never lead with it, don't tell to "get it out of the way", wait for a woman to get to know you first. Not many people are going to take the risk for someone they barely know. I totally understand wanting to date within the H community. Then it's a non issue. If that's where you are comfortable that's fine, but I'm positive there are negative women out there that would be interested in you.

It's hard to be optimistic in the space your in, it's new, you have been in pain, would give anything to go back in time... but things will get better. You may be one of the lucky few who never get another outbreak. I've disclosed to two potential partners, and neither cared. Sadly I wasn't interested in what they had to offer, but still, the H virus wasn't even an issue for them. I wish I could say something to erase your pain, but it's a process of acceptance, and it's gonna take time. It's something I think about everyday, but it rarely causes me emotional pain now (2 plus years later).

Ok, subject dropped...

Ps-Victorian Age practice in the US. Obviously I know Jewish and Muslim cultures have practiced it for centuries. It's a cultural practice, one that I think people should take a hard look at. Most European countries have very low rates, yet LOWER STI rates, and men aren't walking around grabbing their crotches in agony from infection.

I guess this is a herpes forum, not a circumcision forum, but I really think you are misinformed Seeker. It's not healthier to cut off part of the body. It'a a violation, and if it was a girl, a federal offense. My first boyfriend was intact, never had one infection. My son is intact, never had one infection. I got Herpes from a circumcised American man. The US has one of the highest cutting rates worldwide, and also had one of the highest HIV rates. I get really upset when people think that circumcision makes people "cleaner". It's the same rhetoric that cultures that cut their girls say..."it looks better, it's cleaner, it's what people do." Take it or leave it, but I don't think strapping a day old baby to a board and cutting off the most erogenous tissue on their entire body is ethical. Also, it started as a Victorian age practice to punish boys for masturbating. If you have the time and inclination watch the following video, it's very interesting.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ceht-3xu84I

My ex didn't tell me, he had an outbreak, it was dark, he didn't say anything. He continues to behave this way, cheats on his current girlfriend. It absolutely KILLS me that someone could do this, but I"m working on letting go. Most days I don't think about it anymore b/c I don't have outbreaks. I do however, think about him, and get really mad. Trying to let go of that anger is proving to be one of my life goals, and accepting that he is not going to change is another one.

Getting your foreskin cut off seems really drastic, and although I can't speak from experience, I've read many men have been really disappointed by the loss of sensation after a circumcision. It's insane to me that our culture (US) even practices this, so consider yourself lucky you have your whole penis. Go see a doctor, or dermatologist in your area and explain your problem. It will be confidential and you can get some help without altering your body. I never considered cutting off parts of my body that were effected by herpes, please don't rush to such a permanent procedure.

“We are healthy only to the extent that our ideas are humane.” Kurt Vonnegut

I went through a period where I blamed myself for trusting someone, for not using protection, for not asking him ahead of time....and yeah, I bear some responsibility. But as a carrier I think the responsibility is on the person infected. I can't just sleep with someone and say "well, they never Asked, so..." NO. Anyways, however nice it would be for someone to be held accountable, criminally, it does seem very hard to prove. Their defense could point out that infections are often latent, and how did you know this person gave it to you... Well, I know 100 percent who gave it to me, but I can't prove it in court.

The person who infected me still goes about life infecting others, also like forgiveness and peace I am finding it hard to forgive. My ex also had an active blister, but that's not the sort of thing you check for when the lights are out. My first outbreak was also beyond terrible. Yes, people actually do these things, I feel like I dated a complete monster, sociopath. I listened to this podcast on NPR about liars, and this lady said she felt that she could spend her entire life trying to figure out what was true and what was not. I don't want to spend my life this way, but it's hard to let go. Karma will take care of her. IT WILL.

Ha I will! I have good insurance, so it's not that, I just think he thinks it's no big deal. If only I could meet a single doctor that wanted to take me out on a date, b/c they seem to be one of the few groups that have a whatever attitude about herpes.

Thanks, I did ask the doctor for the test and he shrugged me off. The person who gave me hsv has both types, so I don't know, could be either. I'm actually really curious, so I think I will insist on the test. Thanks for your answer Dancer :)

So I acquired HSV over two years ago. My outbreak was a complete MONSTER, lasting almost a month and very painful. I know pain, I've had a child And a kidney stone, not a wuss here....anyways, I've never had a second outbreak. My doctor said it didn't matter which strain I carried, so he said don't bother with the blood test (I was swabbed). Have any of you had a one and only outbreak? I hope to never have another one. Ps-Listened to the podcast on the front page, the discussion between Adrial Dale and the host of the authentic man program. I'm so impressed with Adrial and his character. If you read this, you are a shimmering star.

I went to a therapist for both the hsv diagnosis shock and the aftermath of finding out someone I loved lied to me. It helped, but mostly time helped. It's been two years now and I stopped seeing the therapist about six months ago. I'm one of those lucky people that has only had one outbreak (but it was a BEAST) so I haven't had to deal with the physical side of herpes for two years. That helps. The emotional side is a little more complex. Seeing a therapist also helped me uncover and look at some self destructive behavior that I've been engaging in since I was a teenager. I've always been sort of conservative about relationships, but always picked people that have issues, as if I thought I could "fix" them. Anyways, best of luck.

Thanks Harry. Sometimes I actually have days where I completely forget that I have it, and then it comes back into my mind like "oh yeah, I'm still here, fucking with you". I haven't even had an outbreak in almost two years but it's come into my mind space almost every day! Now that's a messed up result of the stigma. I told someone recently, and he didn't care, but there were other issues. I'm going to try to take the high road and not mention his personality. Was a big relief that someone I was interested in didn't care. He just wasn't the right one.