Starsinhereyes

I had to get on here just to post this... The answer is emphatically YES!!! (First - I've had more than one successful disclosure that ended with sex. But more importantly, I had a successful disclosure that ended with the best thing that I ever happened to me.) I have GSHV1 and my fiancé (getting married in early 2016!!!) has HSV1 orally and I remember when I disclosed to him that he gave the most perfect response: I'm sorry that happened to you. Not because he thought there was something wrong with me, or that I was damaged or broken or dirty, but because he had dealt with visible cold sores on his mouth and knew how cruel people can be. He honestly didn't even know the difference between HSV1 and HSV2; even if I had HSV2, it wouldn't have mattered to him. I also know several people who have H- long-term partners. It happens, I promise. The right person will love you for you. They won't "accept" your herpes, or "tolerate" your flaws. They will love every tiny bit of you. Remember that we all have our own shit we're terrified to tell people, because deep down we all worry at least a little that we're not "enough." Be honest and upfront and know that we all have to take risks and be vulnerable in order to find true, deep, human connection. In the words of one of my favorite authors, Cheryl Strayed: "Be brave enough to break your own heart."

Hey there - You are not alone! I have (in the past two years!) dealt with genital HSV1, high-risk HPV requiring colposcopy but thankfully no other treatment, and the wart HPV. I had to get 3-4 burning treatments for the warts which was terribly painful and embarrassing. I've luckily only had 2 HSV outbreaks but they're not fun, either. Despite my insistence on condoms with casual partners and testing before the condoms came off with serious boyfriends, my body just wanted to contract everything it came into contact with and unfortunately that's how it works sometimes. I am so sorry you are dealing with this - I know it is tough. The hardest part for me was continuing to love myself afterwards. I still go to comedy stand up shows fearing a herpes joke and getting sad when it inevitably happens. BUT - I know in my heart of hearts that I am still amazing and they are ignorant. YOU are beautiful and amazing and smart and kind - just like you were before any of this. Now you just have a pesky medical condition to deal with sometimes. I was petrified to tell new dating partners and some didn't care, one was a total jerkface, and my current boyfriend was kind and understanding and perfect and told me he was sorry it happened to me. We are still together, over a year together, and the herpes and HPV have only been an issue when I made them one in my head. So, my suggestions for you (But ONLY suggestions - do what feels right to you): Find out if it's HSV1 or HSV2 - I'm sure you know, but this makes a big difference for just about everything (frequency of outbreaks, shedding, etc). Have your boyfriend tested for HSV1 and HSV2 again, sometimes it takes a while for them to show up in blood tests. If you are really struggling with self-worth and self-love, find a good therapist. It took me a few tries to find someone who I felt comfortable with, but she really really helped me look past what I viewed as my own flaws. Confide in a few friends if you feel comfortable. Every single friend I told was kind and loving and each disclosure closed up the little hole in my heart that HSV and HPV had created. (the rest I had to do on my own!) Do you exercise and eat well, etc? Herpes and HPV both made me realize that I have to take care of myself and my body and work to build up my immune system. If you're into self-help books, these are a few I suggest: Daring Greatly by Brene Brown and Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff. I promise promise promise it gets better. But it takes time. And allow yourself to feel everything that you feel. It won't always be easy, but when it's over, you'll know yourself and love yourself so much more.

Hey Emma - Sorry for the late response, didn't see this until now. I said that someone with cold sores in their mouth performed oral sex on me and now I carry HSV1 genitally. He understood, though, because he has it in his mouth. I have also told one guy and said cold sores and he just said "doesn't 80% of the population have that?" Good luck! :-)

I am putting this on here for everyone who's had a less-than-ideal disclosure experience (because I sure have)... It isn't ALWAYS like that. I had been seeing this guy for about a month and I really liked him, but I was trying not to rush things physically (or emotionally). So, on our 4th date, we went to a concert and then to his house which he specifically mentioned didn't equal sex. So we were making out and I was like listen I don't want to have sex tonight, but before we go any further, you need to know something. I just clearly, unemotionally told him that someone with oral HSV1 gave me genital HSV1 and it wasn't really a big deal but he needed to know. He then told me he has recurring oral cold sores (and that's why he didn't kiss me on our first several dates! Go figure!) and was not concerned AT ALL. I actually got the kindest response I could imagine: "I'm sorry that happened to you." Unfortunately, I also found out a week later that I have HPV16 - so unlucky - and I told him that, too. And again, just got an "OK, let's continue" response from him. We had sex, it was amazing, we're now officially boyfriend/girlfriend. It's amazing to find someone who really cares about YOU. I also think that during my unsuccessful disclosures, I still felt guilt and shame and anger, and that came across to the guy I was telling. This time, I was totally OK with it... and so was he. So if you are feeling sad about it, that's understandable. And OK. Having HSV isn't something anyone would wish for. But we are all still amazing individuals who have a lot to offer romantic partners. HSV is NOT who you are. And once you really really see that, it's going to help someone else see it, too. So do not be discouraged, my friends! :-)

I have had Paragard for a year and i LOVE it. I did cause some pretty bad cramping and hard periods at first, and it took 6-8 mos for them to even out, but it's great. I never worry about being preggo and I don't have to remember a pill. Insertion was terribly painful, but it was all worth it for me.

Hey girl - I'm so sorry! As WCS said, i think some men live in la-la land and until confronted with reality, they THINK they're OK. The last guy I dated took me to meet his parents, talked about marriage/kids/family/pet names... Then broke up with me in a dog park the day after he met my dad!! His only reason was "I don't see us getting married anymore." I realize, almost a year later, that the breakup was about HIM: his lack of ability to understand his own feelings/fears, and his complete inability to communicate any of them to me. That is NOT someone I want in a partner anyway. So, while I was crushed, I realize now that it was all for the best because anyone who freaks out like that is not a good match for me. It seems like this partner may be in the same place - and that's not anyone who will really stick around with shit gets rough. You deserve better.

Oh yes!!! Her book "Daring Greatly" is a must read for anyone struggling with self-love. Highly recommend to anyone :-)

Yeah, it wasn't a study I was referencing... It was this posting: http://www.medhelp.org/posts/STDs/Female-to-Male-Genital-HSV1-Transmission/show/249397 I realize it is not a rigorous study (I have several graduate degrees, so I understand the importance of sampling, following study protocol, etc) - or a study at all - but I haven't read anything online of someone reporting getting GHSV1 from anything but oral sex. And as someone with high anxiety, I've read a LOT of postings :-) So, I'm sure it's possible, but just very very unlikely. And WCSDancer - I totally get you there. I'm not even sure that I WANT to have casual sex again. While I'm pretty sure I got this from a long-term boyfriend, it definitely made me realize how risky casual sex is. The hardest thing for me right now is being angry at all the people who've been far less safe than me and who don't have to have this awkward discussion and deal with social stigma. I realize that it's not that big of a deal, but it's also not awesome. I also was just looking for feedback from anyone who has GHSV1 and what they tell potential partners, as I don't know anyone who has this. Thanks everyone :-)

Thank you! I read about the transmission stuff but I thought that the information on the disclosure guide was for type 2, so I was just wondering what people say regarding type 1. (Or am I confused on that?) And yes, I told the texter that I couldn't give it back to him and he still made his choice. I didn't give it up in 3 dates and so I think that's really the issue... He knew I wasn't going to let him in as quickly as he wanted! So in that case I was thrilled to have it weed him out. But I am pretty scared to tell people in the future.

Hi everyone, I'm new here and I looked through the other forums so I hope I didn't miss someone asking this exact question. I'm a 28 year old female and I got diagnosed with genital type 1 a few months ago and was fairly devastated. I've been going to a therapist for a while for other issues unrelated to herpes for about a year now and she has been very helpful. It's still a struggle some days though. I'm also divorced and it feels a bit sometimes like I've got a big old "DAMAGED" stamp on my forehead. Anyways, the point for this posting --- Since the diagnosis, I've disclosed to two potential partners. One, who told me he had cold sores in his mouth, TEXTED me (after an in-person disclosure when I told him he was the first one I'd told) a few days later to tell me he "genuinely wanted to hang out as friends again." The other didn't care one bit and we had sex plenty. The first rejection was fairly painful and I'm currently dating again and trying to figure out exactly what to say about the risks of transmission to potential partners. Those of you with genital type 1, do you quote exact statistics? If so, what do you say? I know that it's very low and I told both of the men about the posting I'd seen from Dr. Hansfield that he had never seen a genital-to-genital type 1 transmission, and also that if they had type 1 already, it was basically impossible for me to give it to them. Do you take suppressive therapy? I got an Rx for it but as I am not sleeping with anyone at the moment, I haven't been taking it. Since the chances of another outbreak are so low, my only motivation was to prevent transmission (and I know the statistics on this are sketchy/nonexistent for GHSV1 anyway) but I figured it couldn't hurt. Also, do you tell casual partners about type 1? I'm not sure I even want to have casual sex again, but if I do, I'm afraid that no one will be interested in having casual relations with me if they know about the herpes. With the risks so low, I've had friends tell me not to tell casual partners at all. I don't know how I feel about this. I'd love to say that I'm comfortable with that, but I just don't know. I've had a total of 6 casual (bar/party/we barely know each other) partners and none have even asked about my STD status and I always use condoms. Thank you all for your help. This has been a challenging time for me and reading other peoples' posts has been very helpful.