Hey! Umm, Just a bit of a different perspective…
It is totally your prerogative to have casual sex!! I mean no offence to anyone when I say that TO ME, *PERSONAL OPINION*, the idea that as a woman, sex is something you allow a man to have or take from you is problematic at its very core. I personally believe that the idea that sex is something women provide to men who then owe them something perpetuates the (what I believe to be) harmful idea that women are not active participants in sex. It assumes that women do not want to have sex for purely physical benefit, furthering the gap between men and women that keeps M/F relationships inequitable and power dynamics skewed.
… Get it girl.
Now, in terms of your question, I don't know the answer. (Sorry!!)
When I was first diagnosed with HSV II I immediately thought I was going to need to sit every one of my casual partners down and have a talk. When I mentioned my fears about this to my practitioner, she looked at me like "LOL!!"
Basically, she told me that I have no responsibility to tell anyone about my diagnosis unless I want to. I asked her "Is that unethical?" and she said "That's a decision you have to make based on what you feel is right, but everyone who has casual sex - protected/unprotected, is taking a risk. You agree to that risk by agreeing to sex." She told me that using condoms (female condoms offer a bit more protection), and not having sex during active outbreaks were the most responsible things I could do.
The reason I can't share my personal opinion on whether you should disclose to casual partners is because I haven't really decided how I feel about it yet myself! Sorry I can't be of more help there. I know most people feel that you should disclose to everyone, but I'm still on the fence. When I think about it, I think, "Would I want to know?" … probably.
And then I think "If the transmission rates are THAT low… maybe not… maybe I'd rather just have fun!"
I also think about the greater risk posed by the many people who have the virus without ever knowing it.
What kind of thoughts do you have when you think about it? In your gut do you feel it's wrong not to disclose? Do you go back and forth?
Sometimes I find it helpful to think of the Best Case Scenario, Worst Case Scenario, and the Most Likely Scenario in a situation and write them down. Maybe walk through a one night stand and see where the disclosure convo would fit in and what the outcomes would be in a disclosure situation as well as a non disclosure situation. Like a 3-way pros and cons list!
Keep us updated!! :)
B