Kanoa

I have been doing it all along, although somewhat irregularly (I do work/trades at studios because I can't afford the classes, but I've moved a lot in the last year so keep having to find new studios and it takes a bit to get everything arranged again). the last BAD outbreak I had (before this one) was a few months ago after doing bikram seven days in a row. This one came after doing hot yoga classes 1-2 times/day every day for two weeks, along with strenuous hiking each one of those days. Also, starting a couple weeks before that I've eliminated all of the high-arginine foods in my diet (beans, nuts, soy, seeds, oats, gluten, etc...also no sugar or processed foods) which was rather difficult because I'm vegetarian so those are my staples. But, I'm super over having monthly or bi-monthly outbreaks so decided to try it. (A few months ago I got an IUD as hormonal changes seem to be my biggest trigger... no periods now, but I still get the OBs, regular as clockwork. ick.) So needless to say it's been a reallyyyyyyy discouraging few weeks. Actually, discouraging year and a half. I feel like I've done some pretty radical things (changing my (already narrow) diet, getting the IUD, trying to stay super active and fit, etc) and none of it is working. I also take daily lysine and olive leaf. I'm a year and a half in -- I don't think I should have to be having OBs so frequently. I haven't woke up feeling "good" since before diagnosis and feel like no matter what I do, I can't get my immune system back up. I try so hard to stay positive and continue life "normally" but constantly fighting outbreaks for that long, despite trying to be so healthy, makes it really difficult.

Hey everybody :) Hope y'all are doing well. I'm currently experiencing the worst OB since my primary (and I get them at least once a month since getting the herp 1.5 years ago) and trying to find out if there's any link between bikram or hot yoga and outbreaks. I know it wouldn't have anything to do with yoga itself, but am specifically trying to figure out if there's any correlation between the extreme heat/humidity somehow causing the virus to surface. Any ideas/thoughts/info? Mahalo :)

What we think about ourselves becomes the truth for us. I believe that everyone, myself included, is responsible for everything in our lives, the best and the worst. Every thought we think is creating our future. Each one of us creates our experiences by our thoughts and our feelings. The thoughts we think and the words we speak create our experiences. We create the situations, and then we give our power away by blaming the other person for our frustration. No person, no place, and no thing has any power over us, for "we" are the only thinkers in it. When we create PEACE and HARMONY and BALANCE in our minds, we will find it in our lives. -louise hay

Hi @ Beowy :) Welcome! I'm sorry this happened, but you're definitely gonna be okay. Anti-virals work best if started before an outbreak actually starts, so during the "prodrome" stage (the prodrome is just the signs your body gives when it's getting ready to have an OB. It can be different for everyone but typically involves tingling, burning, nerve pain, etc). They're less effective when started after an OB, but from my experience what you said (symptoms improving after 5 days on anti-viral) sounds about right. Sometimes that's how long it takes for mine to start to clear up, even if I start anti-virals a couple days early. The first outbreak can be longer than normal, too. It is possible that you could have had the virus in your system for years and never had an outbreak until now. Some people have outbreaks right away; with other people, herpes can hide away for years. 80% of people with it never know they have it. For some people, outbreaks are mild and attributed to other factors such as an ingrown hair or yeast infection. Sometimes there will be a triggering event (such as stress, trauma... or a tanning bed...) that cause a primary OB years after the initial "infection." You said you've had something similar in previous years -- those could have been minor outbreaks, and for some reason the tanning bed just triggered a more severe one. I know the sun (and sunburn) can be a trigger for people, so I assume a tanning bed would be a similar thing. I'm sure you're going through an enormous amount emotionally right now, but know that it is normal and okay -- allow yourself to feel every nasty bit of it. There's no way to get "around" it other than walking right through it. Embrace the shitty emotions so they can go on their way, and know that it WILL get better. I of course don't know the specifics of your relationship, but be encouraged by the fact that things don't necessarily have to change... there are plenty of people (and I'm sure you'll hear from lots of them on here!) that are with non-H partners and have been for years without transmitting it. Sending lots of love and sunshine (the non-triggering kind!) your way :)

@LookingForAlaska I just use the wax strips you can get at walmart or anywhere... warm them up with my hands. You can get small ones or cut them into smaller pieces. Some of my friends have bfs/partners to help (we live in bikini land) which is nice, but it's definitely possible to do by yourself. Just keep the skin as taut as possible, to avoid ripping.... and don't let it scare you :)

I wax myself (yep it's fun) and it's never caused an OB...and I have fairly frequent OBs, too. But waxing or shaving doesn't ever trigger them.

for the birth control part... get an iud :)

It's kinda crazy how something as simple as "going on a date" can make all of our insecurities come raging out :) I had the same thing happen a couple months ago so would just encourage you to be patient with yourself... date, don't date... doesn't really matter as long as you're doing what YOU want to do and what you feel comfortable with. There's no rush. As far as the baggage thing -- everybody's got a past. Everybody tends to think their past is a huge deal, no matter what it is. So your past may seem like a "huge" deal to some people, but to others (probably to most) it won't seem like that big of a deal at all. Remember that. There's no way to tell what someone's past is by simply looking at them, so you might look at a guy and think that he's got it all together and would reject you because of your past, but he could be thinking that his baggage is just as heavy as you are perceiving yours to be. Also, this is a great time to get to the "root" of what is causing these insecurities and deal with them once and for all... in my case, getting herpes magnified the (already significant) insecurities that were already there and has forced me to deal with them (which is definitely an ongoing process). Try to see this as a positive... you're going to come out on the other side even stronger (and thus more attractive) than you were before, even if in the middle of it all sometimes it seems like you can't see anything past the crazy (and negative) emotions of the present. Let yourself feel, let yourself grieve, but be kind to yourself and remember that herpes doesn't define you (unless you let it) and is only as big of a deal as you give it permission to be... and, life does and will go on.

Olive leaf extract... works as an antiviral against all strains of herpes, as well as a good immune system enhancer

@al123 -- Welcome! There's a great community here and I'm glad you found it :) As someone that this was done to who DID get herpes as a result -- I can say that it is betrayal to the core, in one of the biggest possible ways. I know that disclosing can be difficult, but there is NEVER a justification to take someone's right to choose away -- especially when it concerns their own body and health. I honestly don't know how trust could be rebuilt after this -- I am sure that it can and has been done, and I was willing to try with my ex, but it would definitely take a lot of time, effort, and authenticity. My ex lied to my face about it, and in his 3 years of having it had never disclosed to a partner. I see it as an act of selfishness even more than fear... putting someone else at risk to get what you want or to avoid your fear of being alone. I honestly thought that he loved me, but genuine love is about putting the other person's wellbeing and happiness above your own (within reason, of course) even if it means you don't get what you want. Basically, if you love something/someone, you wouldn't put them at risk without telling them. So, I learned the hard way that he did not actually "love" me, even though I'm sure he would still say he does. I learned a lot about love (and the lack of!) and what sort of it I want in my life through all of it. This might sound harsh... but ya, it is a big deal and I'd say your boyfriend's response is to be expected. But. You do realize you made a mistake, which is the very important first step, and you don't need to keep beating yourself up. We ALL make mistakes... its human :) Now you hope he didn't get it, genuinely apologize, acknowledge that you know you messed up pretty huge and ask his forgiveness... and then, regardless of his response, you need to grant yourself that forgiveness. A lack of forgiveness, whether it's toward someone else or yourself, is going to keep you "stuck" in a very not fun place! I would recommend being single for awhile. After reading what you wrote, I'm thinking that the person you should be focusing on and loving right now is YOU. Learn to accept yourself as beautiful, perfect, valuable, with heaps to offer -- just as you are. Let this experience be something that turns into a positive because it enables you to look inside, switch on the light, and embrace every aspect of yourself...the beautiful and the ugly. As long as you believe that you are unlovable because you have herpes, that is going to be reflected in your life. Get to a place where you are completely confident in yourself, not afraid to be alone, and where you don't need to be with someone in order to feel valuable. Your value comes from within, not from anything external... and because of that it isn't changed by anything external be it a skin condition, rejection, lack of a partner, etc. If we aren't completely confident and "in love" with ourselves, we're never going to be happy (or successful) in a relationship. I'd also suggest learning as much as you can about herpes, and you're in a great spot to be able to do that! There's a wealth of awesome information in this forum. You have a responsibility to yourself and to any potential partners down the road to be educated... and knowing all of the facts will help you feel confident next time you sit down with a partner to have that talk (a talk that will happen PRIOR to any sexy time, of course :) ) It's great that you haven't had another outbreak since your first, but it could still be transmitted at any time -- herpes can be pretty sneaky and you never know when it is shedding. Everything is going to be okay. Forgive yourself; use this situation and the feelings you are experiencing as a result to change how you go about this in the future. It's tough, but the whole disclosure thing can actually be something that you come to see as a positive -- great for determining a guy's true motives. Be willing to let your boyfriend go if that is what ends up happening, and focus on learning to love yourself... it can be a scary process, but also a lot of fun :)

Peanut butter is one of the main staples of my diet and it doesn't effect my OBs in any way, thankfully... every person and their body are different. It's sort of a trial-and-error process to figure out what your personal triggers are.

I take valtrex at night (when I'm taking it) because it can make me pretty crazy dizzy. I was on it daily for 4 months last year when I was with a non -H partner and had some nasty headaches, but the positives (0 outbreaks and a protected partner) outweighed the negatives for me. Currently I only take it when I have an OB. One other thing...if you drink much alcohol and plan to continue while taking it, be careful :)

Hi @1auren, I can relate SO hard to what you are saying, it's almost as if I wrote it myself :) I have been feeling all of that crap quite a bit lately as I have tried to get back into the dating world, and it IS crap because it is not true in any way. I have sort of come to the conclusion that I'm not quite ready to date yet... more self-loving to do first. We are more than our herpes!!! What I have realized over the last several years of occasional good relationships and lots of not-so-good ones is that we attract whatever we feel about ourselves... so if I feel that I don't deserve a "good" person, that I'm going to be rejected, that by having herpes and dating someone I am "leading them on" or am lucky if they choose to be with me anyway, that's exactly what I'm going to attract. Ick. If, on the other hand, I am 116% strong and confident in my self-value and worth, believe that I have heaps to offer, have high standards, expect the best because I deserve the best, etc, then THAT is what I attract. Everyone has secrets; everyone has scars; everyone has a past. That is what makes us interesting (and human ;) ) For me, right now, I'm trying to just focus on building myself into an even stronger and healthier and whole-er (totally made that word up) person... falling in love with myself, basically. Waking up every morning and listing everything that is amazing about me. That might sound weird or slightly narcissistic, but... I can't fall in love in a healthy (ie non-codependent) way with anyone else until I'm secure and in love with myself. And, THAT is a very attractive quality... I know that because it's one of the things I am most attracted to in another guy or girl. Hugs!!

Question... say you're always attracted to the "bad" guys and there is always crazy chemistry there, like what @misskellyrenee is describing with her ex, but you want to change that pattern and find a "good" guy... How do you figure out if you're not interested in a new person because there's just no chemistry (ie it's not gonna change) or because he's not your usual (bad boy) type and thus seems boring or sort of lackluster?

Has anyone here (either h+ or h-) been on the receiving end of a disclosure? I'd just like to hear some thoughts from the perspective of a person who has been on that side of things. I've never been disclosed to (I was blatantly lied to by my gifter) and there's been lots of discussions here about how to go about disclosing to someone... it's obviously a pretty huge thing to the person disclosing... but I'm curious what are the thought processes of the other person, and the feelings about the timing of a disclosure?

Hi @whyme, Welcome! Everyone goes through a pretty crazy cycle of emotions when we initially find out, but know that everything is okay... and I know that getting the real facts is going to help both you and your boyfriend feel a lot better :) A few very important facts ~ -It is spread only by skin-to-skin contact. You're not going to spread it by sharing towels, bathtub, toilet seat, a bed, etc. Basically in order for it to be transmitted, there has to be genital-to-genital contact. -You're most contagious when you're having an outbreak. Avoid sex completely when you're having an outbreak... and you probably won't feel like having it anyway :) It's smart to wash your hands after touching yourself when you are having an outbreak but even if you don't, the chance of you spreading it just by touching someone else with unwashed hands is extremely low... it doesn't live outside the body for very long. -You CAN still transmit it even when you're not having an outbreak -- occasionally the virus comes to the surface. This is called "shedding" and happens the most frequently in the first year of having it. You can't tell (usually) when this is happening, so it is smart to always use protection (condom or suppressive therapy or both) to protect your non-H partner. -If you're not using any protection (condom or suppressive therapy), the chance of transmitting it to a male partner is 4% PER YEAR. That's pretty low. -If you use one form of protection, either condom OR suppressive therapy, that lowers the risk to 2% chance per year. -If you use BOTH forms of protection, condoms AND suppressive therapy, it lowers the risk to under 1%. That's good news!! Basically, it is completely possible for you to have a very sexually-fulfilling relationship with someone who is HSV-2 negative and have that person never get it. You just have to be smart. Listen to your body. Figure out what protection (or both) you want to use. Suppressive therapy is the daily use of anti-virals (like valtrex or acyclovir). They help prevent shedding. One thing I wondered about after getting it was oral sex. HSV-2 is very rarely transmitted to oral areas -- it prefers genitals -- so there's really no need to be concerned there. Herpes only has as much power as you give it, and the longer you have it, the more you'll come to realize how minor of a thing it really is. It doesn't in any way change who you are as a person. It's important to help your boyfriend understand all of the transmission rates and facts, but the MOST important thing for you right now is to focus on loving yourself, and healing yourself on the inside. I've come to see herpes as a gift, which might sound crazy, but there's actually a lot of positives to it :) HUGS :)

@Sparklepony, as herry said, we've probably all been there... and yes, it sucks!!! I went through a major freak out a year ago after being diagnosed with herpes because almost directly after that diagnosis, I got mono, and the symptoms of mono are identical to the early HIV symptoms, and it took them a bit to get me the correct mono diagnosis so... I know what you're feeling. It's definitely smart to do a full panel testing, and it may help put your mind at ease to do an early HIV test -- that's what I did. Normally if you have HIV it takes a few months after getting it for it to show up in test results, but you can do an HIV RNA test that "detects" it earlier than that. If you go to http://www.stdalert.com/index.php you can find a testing center in your area that does this sort of test. Try to love your body right now and remember that no matter what "conditions" we may have, they don't effect our value/worth as a person, and they don't define us ... they only have as much power as we give them.

LOVE this... how'd you get this truth to move from your head to your heart?

hey ladies! so my two biggest triggers seem to be sleep deprivation and hormonal changes... I usually get an OB every month around my period and I'm SO over it. Taking antivirals completely eliminates them, but I'm not sure which I dislike more... having an OB or taking valtrex every day. My doc brought up IUDs to me a few months ago... not in regards to herpes, just as an alternative form of birth control, but she mentioned that they sometimes cause cycles to stop. I'm wondering if that were the case, whether it would mean no hormonal fluctuations and no monthly outbreaks. I've been researching skyla and am going to be discussing it with my gyno in a few days but wondered if any of y'all have any experience with any sort of IUD, either positive or negative, and whether it ended your cycles... and, if that was a trigger for you, whether it eliminated the monthly OBs as well. Any other info (side effects, complications, etc) would be appreciated as well! There's a lot of horror stories re IUDs on the web... but, you can find a lot of horror stories for just about anything you look up.

Hi @Rose 89! I've wondered the same thing a lot because I feel like I "should", like you, be on a strict diet or something that avoids those supposedly triggering foods. But like everybody else has said, every person's body is different, so you just have to play around and experiment a bit and see what YOUR body's triggers are... and what you can get away with :) I eat copious amounts of peanut butter every single day with 0 problem... chocolate, other nuts, etc also seem to have no effect. One thing that I have noticed... I moved two months ago (several thousand miles) and (not purposefully) kind of quit drinking alcohol... it just happened. I do feel like that cut down on my OBs. (I did drink an entire bottle of wine the other day after starting an OB, but I would say that the OB caused the alcohol rather than the other way around). My biggest trigger is a lack of sleep. Miss a few nights in a row and I can pretty much count on it. BTW... I am not a caffeine fan because it makes me feel weird and love the energy from fresh juice SO much better... so once you adjust you might feel a whole lot better with the juice anyway :)

Try to see the whole thing that happened as an opportunity to make yourself stronger... and practice forgiveness :) All of this anger and torment that you're putting yourself through isn't affecting him in the least -- but it is completely controlling you, and it is a poison that will keep eating away at you until you choose to stop looking at yourself as a victim. The same thing happened to me, and I know to other people on here too. I understand. But now, you're making yourself powerless, which you are not. He fucked up. We all fuck up at some point. Not to in any way excuse or diminish what he did or my guy did or anyone else's "gifter" did, but, that's life. The question now is how you respond... Choose to empower yourself rather than be a victim. Allow yourself to move forward rather than staying stuck in the past. This is an important time -- anytime anything like this happens is an important time, because there's opportunity all of the sudden for huge growth. Not that it's easy, but You're setting the course for your future here... and I think it'll probably end up being a good one :) Also... I think that every difficult thing that we come through and allow to grow us and make us stronger and love ourselves more can make us all the more beautiful to someone... our lives are like blank canvases when we start out, and over time they get all sorts of crazy colors splashed on them. They can either end up being angry, chaotic clashes of colors that hurt to look at and alienate people or beautiful, vibrant masterpieces that have depth and character and huge strength to offer others and the world. Other people (ESPECIALLY potential relationship partners) are attracted to the second. No one wants to be around the first. We have a lot more power than we like to think when we're in victim mode :) Remember, we're ALL on your side because we've all been there. that's another thing about victim mode... when we let it take over it is like it puts blinders over our eyes and "alienates" us from people that truly care about us because we think they're "against" us. (sidenote: encouraging you to post flyers that will come back to bite you HUGE is not very genuinely caring. If your friends are the sort that thrive on other people's drama, you might want to find some other people to surround yourself with for a bit who are positive and will build you up). If we think the whole world is against us, it's easier to stay in victim mode. so, time to come out! Sending huge love your way...

thanks for sharing @sweetfemme, that's helpful... also I've got to say, I'm amazed that you wait four months to have the talk... I've never been with anyone, guy or girl, that would be willing to wait that long for sex. You're right that people expect sex very early on in a relationship, which I guess years ago used to bother me, but gradually I accepted as normal, because... that's just how it is. Several months ago I read something by an author who suggested waiting 30 days to have sex. At the time, I felt like that was a LONG time and wasn't sure how I would meet anyone that would be okay with that. Then my therapist suggested 3 months, which seemed even more crazy and unimaginable to me, but I decided to try it next time I start dating someone because I can see there being a LOT of positives to it... including it being a good way to weed out ppl that just want to sleep with you.... kind of like herpes is :) But, four months... How do you do it? And have you ever had anyone be upset that you waited so long to tell them?

Hey people... hope everybody's weekend was good! So I've searched through all the topics and haven't found anything on this, which maybe means nobody will be able to help, but I was just wondering if there were any les/bi girls on here and, if so, how H has affected your sex life. I know there's been tons of discussions on how it affects straight sex, how to handle disclosures, prevent transmission, etc., but, it's all a little bit different. I've only been with a guy since getting H-gifted nine months ago, so have been wondering about it lately and would appreciate hearing anybody's experiences :)

I'm out running around on the beach in the sun in a bikini just about every single day (literally) and don't feel like the sun has any factor in my outbreaks whatsoever. Definitely don't completely stay inside all summer, especially if it's only for a limited part of your year -- that would be tragic :)

anybody else here peanut butter obsessed? Peanut butter is (literally) the main staple of my diet... I started eating it in large quantities when I needed to add on some poundage because it is calorie-dense, good fat, protein, etc., and now we've become so intertwined that I doubt I'd last long without it. But, I know that with the whole lysine/arginine thing, nuts are bad. So wondering, since peanuts are technically more of a bean sort of thing, if they would still be lumped together with the rest of the nuts in being high in arginine? anybody know? It seems a bit screwy because 99% of what I eat (PB, beans and rice, lentils, oats, bananas, and soy...yeah I eat weird..) is apparently high in arginine while things that I NEVER eat (like meat) and things that I occasionally eat but mostly try to avoid (like dairy products) are high in lysine... Is there anybody else on here that is vegetarian and if so, do you have problems with any of those things (beans, rice, soy, nuts, etc)?