Ann

I was horrified, after my divorce, at the thought of having to open myself up to all types of criticisms and looks of disgust. I become defensive, finding reasons not to trust people. I finally decided to just date, but no relationships past friendly ones and definitely no sex. Then I met a guy a party one night; we seemed to hit it off well, and he was a gentleman. When it became obvious that he wanted it to go further, I invited him over for dinner and to talk. I told him that I was taking Valtrex everyday and had not had an outbreak in almost a year but that I had HSV. He looked at me puzzled; I just knew his next words would be venom. I was surprised when he said, "Is that why you pulled away from me the other night?" I nodded. He said "You're doing what you can to be responsible and it is what it is." Then I was the puzzled one, "What does that mean?" He said it didn't change anything, and he still wanted to be with me. I'm not with him any more, not because of H but because his regular girlfriend was pregnant and he didn't want to tell me he had been cheating on her with me so he just disappeared. But I went on to find others who have not cared about the H so it turns out that it was bigger in my head than anyone else's.

Bee, I am so glad you took that step and didn't run; I'm even more happy that it worked out so well because even if this relationship doesn't last you have a little more courage to do it again. Big hugs, Ann

Derpes, Good luck and I hope all of this wealth of information helps you find what works for you; mine is the Lecithin and eating healthy. Good luck and hugs.

I have had HSV2 for years; I thought I got it from an ex-boyfriend who had been cheating but then after I got divorced I realized it could have been my new boyfriend (who ended up as my husband for the next 10 years) because it turns out he was a chronic liar and cheater. And after looking back, he wasn't shocked like I was..... Some people are afraid of everything but if you were Christian and it turns out your new love is Orthodox Jewish and says "My mother would roll over in her grave. I'm sorry but I need to marry a nice Jewish girl." would you feel horrible because you are Christian? HSV is one small part of you and if they can't deal with it, their loss. Thank you for playing, good luck and have a nice day. NEXT! You are too special to let something so small knock you out of the game. Love yourself then love life!

Even though we know that it can't be transferred that way I understand your peace of mind in not letting others use you towel; in some ways it's no different than using someone else towel and thinking about the first thing you dry with it and the last thing they probably dried with it. Eeeewwwwww LOL! Relax and love life!

I have found that Lecithin & Lysine help keep me from having outbreaks and vitamin C, Onions, garlic and zinc all boost your immune systems which helps (onions and garlic are also anti-virals) so no burning effects from the Valtrex like I had when I took it. I am much happier with natural supplements.

Welcome one and all to peace of mind and realizing you are the same beautiful person you ever were. I can tell you that there are a lot of beautiful people on here that will be glad to talk, chat, give you info or advise. Sometimes you need to step back and see the BIG picture so you can realize how small of a problem this is. I know at the time it seems HUGE! The biggest, ugliest problem you've encountered but one you understand the reality and start to like yourself again you will realize how lucky someone else would be to have you in their life! "What I have feared hath come upon me because I hath feared it" I said this at a meeting once and recently I was dating someone and it was getting a little more serious so I decided to have "The Talk" he said ok and that he needed to research it a little more before making a decision 2 days later I was so afraid that he was trying to find a gentle way to break it off that I broke up with him, I made him feel like he wasn't worth the time because I was so afraid of being rejected; then when I found out he had NOT wanted to break up I was even more hurt. Luckily we talked and he gave me another chance and we are getting along great but I hurt myself and him because I assumed he could not accept me for me not this stupid minor issue! Take a look in the mirror as if you are looking at a friend and write down all of the things about yourself that you like (pretty eyes, beautiful smile, gentle heart, friendly) now write thing(s) you don't like on another page. Circle the things that you can change (temperamental, snarkey) circle those and try to make an effort to change them. What's left is probably H, something that more than 2/3 of the population has in some form. So lighten up on yourself, give yourself a break, Give yourself a pat on the back and live life to it's fullest.

So sorry, I wrote that and thought I hit post only to find 2 days later that it saved but did not post.

Hi Bee, I understand completely how hard it is to take that leap of faith and the anxiety that goes with it. You could start with the basic "I really like you a lot and am considering the possibility that this could move to the next level, sex. This being said we should both be thoroughly tested for STDs; I have found out that they don't always test you for everything unless you specifically ask and even then clinics still don't test for everything. Once we have our tests back we should plan a time to discuss the test results and then to discuss our next move." Once you are both tested you can check to be sure they tested him for HSV and if by chance he does not have either strand it will give you the opening to tell him how 1 out of 6 people have HSV2 and more than likely 80%+ have HSV1. Then you can go into the fact that 50% of people don't even know they have it because they don't get any symptoms but that you take the necessary precautions to ensure that you inform potential partners beforehand so that they know what they are up against. I would also have some pamphlets and printouts of important info and statistics. Maybe finish with, "I know this is probably a lot for you to process right now, and I understand if you decide you can't take this to the next level, but I certainly hope we can remain good friends" You are deserving of love and happiness and when you find your "Mr. Right" he won't care about the HSV but will take you in his arms and tell you it's ok, or it is what it is, this doesn't change the fact that I am madly in love with you! So don't get discouraged; just look at it this way: You are a beautiful fairy princess, and outside your window is the lilypad-laden pond which is filled with hundreds of frogs, one of which is your prince. Trust me, once you find him it will have been worth all the frogs you kissed to get there! Hugs and good luck, Ann

Carlyyy03, I'm glad you are here, there are many wonderful people here that suffer or have suffered the same way you do. More than half of the people in America have some form of Herpes. If you realize this and look at it on the big scale you will realize that you are not in the minority but majority. You can go into the nicest restaurant, there could be 50 well-to-do people sitting there all classy and glamorous; if you could sprinkle fairy dust to make Herpes glow the room would light up. No one is immune to herpes. It's not a dirty disease. It's the MOST common STI known. Kings and Queens & movie stars have had it, we all have it, you have it and there are thousands out there that have and don't even know it because they don't have any symptoms and/or don't realize that the testing they are getting doesn't cover Herpes. I think that if you were to look around you'd find that there are lots of people that have it that you admire and would never consider them "dirty" so don't let ANYONE make YOU feel "dirty", because you aren't! Hugs and you can contact me if you ever wanna talk. Ann

Thanks Brenda, Yes Im very lucky but I did kiss a lot of frogs before getting my prince. I went thru the stage of not being able to talk about it all to calling "H" and a friend told the best way to have the talk..... I started out asking if they had been tested recently, then where and where they sure they had been tested for EVERYTHING? Then I told them that I take valtrex daily...... wait for it, wait for it.... and it usually went well. The few times it wasn't positive it usually wasn't harsh either most of the time. I still made good friends who respected me if nothing else. And of course one great guy! Ann

Thank you Breathe, You are very kind and my boyfriend loved what you said about "a freaking Goddess who deserves to be loved" so did I. Your lesson to your boys was a great lesson and it sounds like they have a GREAT Mom! Thank you again for sharing and for commenting. Have a great week! Ann

I have had HSV2 for years; I thought I got it from an ex-boyfriend who had been cheating but then after I got divorced I realized it could have been my new boyfriend (who ended up as my husband for the next 10 years) because it turns out he was a chronic liar and cheater. I was in denial for a while because since my husband had it as well it wasn't an issue. After we split up, I felt like I couldn't be with anyone else ever again unless I could happen to find someone else who had it and was attracted to me (I have had major self image issues my whole life so this was just another stone in that rocky wall that kept or keeps my esteem in the mud. Occasionally, I would meet someone I liked but I would just tell them I wasn't looking for a sexual relationship; I met one guy who seemed to like me and we would hang out and watch movies at his house. One night it was late he said he had to be at work soon but wanted an hour nap before and asked if I would just curl up with him and hold him fully clothed no sex. So I gave in but then he decided that it meant more and didn't want to take no for an answer eventually I stopped fighting him and telling to stop and just let it happen (it had been almost 2 years since I'd had sex and I was on valtrex with no symptoms, hormones, hormones and more hormones! It was wrong on both sides because I should never laid down with him and he should have respected me when I told him No and told him to stop.) Later he asked me to come over for movies and I told him we had to talk his response was "What?! But I thought you were a good person, I thought you were clean" I cried as he ranted and I told him that if he had stopped any of the 10+ times I had told him too that this talk would have come first. He later apologized for what had happened and for his reaction and wanted to see me again but I was so hurt by his reaction I couldn't bring myself to see him. I did confide in another friend who had H and was surprised when he cussed me out repeatedly for it; he said if I had just screamed "I have herpes instead of stop he would have stopped" Wow, double I had expected some lecture but not this. After that I started telling people from the beginning that I had herpes, it was better to have them run BEFORE I became attached than after. I still struggle from time to time but I am in a relationship with someone who understands and loves me not it but accepts it.

Hi inspired32, just let me say that everyone deals with things differently; so your way may be different from mine but heres my story: I always tell anyoe that I think I may have sex with that I have it (a heated moment is not the time to try have "the talk"). So I had been talking to this guy and he expressed, by email, an interest in being more intimate. I told him my info (I, like more than 50% of Americans, have herpes); to my surprise he didn't even respond. I told him later that he had offended me with his failure to at least respond to me, he said he was busy. Things didn't go anywhere, of course, but then his ex girlfriend friended me and informed me that he told her about it. Of course he denied it but it told me a little more about his character. I did have a lot more people that responded, "that's it? It is what it is." Good luck and I hope you find peace. :\">

Herpes has certainly made me realize that sex doesn’t need to be nor should it be the basis for a relationship. I am worth more than just sex and if someone disagrees with that they are not right for me either way. However I understand that it only takes one ignorant, immature idiot to make me feel like a troll and 10 mature, informed sweeties to erase the self-image.