oliviana

this site doesnt make any since to me. I am not sure how it works.... I

I am a 20 year old female and I was just diagnosed with herpes today... so i am sorry that this post is so crazy. I am so upset right now i just got off the phone with the doctor and she told me it was for sure herpes. I hate my self so much. I still do not know who gave this to me. You can call me a ***** or a **** all you want but i know im not. I made a ******* mistake and now i have to live with it for the rest of my life. I am in a very committed 2 year relationship with a man that i love more than life. We plan on marriage and a family together. And i ****** up and now i have this. I know people say bite the bullet, face the music, dont be selfish and just tell him. But i am in a very bad place right now mentally. I have a very bad substance abuse problem that i have have been trying to control for the last 2 years and am repeatedly unsuccessful. I just moved to a new area and don't know anyone except the *** hole i cheated on my boyfriend with. My boyfriend is all I have. He keeps me from jumping off a bridge. So i cannot CANNOT tell him and be alone. I am so obsessed with pinning down who gave this to me, but i was just told by my doctor there is no way to do that. Can someone please please talk to me. I am in a very very bad state of mind right now. i am new to this forum and really need someone to talk to. I dont care if you are male or female or in my area or not.